African Leadership Centre Public Lecture, Nairobi

Africa Leadership Centre Public event on the 24th of June at the University of Nairobi where real issues on Global Militarism and the Resilience of Women in Africa will be discussed by no other than the erudite, Prof. Amina Mama; the director of Women and Gender Studies, University of California. Be there

 

Why I Am a Male Feminist - Byron Hurt

The word turns off a lot of men (insert snarky comment about man-hating feminazis here) -- and women. But here's why black men should be embracing the "f" word.

When I was a little boy, my mother and father used to argue a lot. Some mornings, I would wake up to the alarming sound of my parents arguing loudly. The disagreement would continue until my father would yell with finality, "That is it! I'm not talking about this anymore!" The dispute would end right there. My mother never got the last word.

My dad's yelling made me shrink in fear; I wanted to do something to make him stop raging against my mother. In those moments, I felt powerless because I was too small to confront my father. I learned early that he had an unfair advantage because of his gender. His size, strength and power intimidated my mother. I never saw my father hit her, but I did witness how injurious his verbal jabs could be when they landed on my mom's psyche.

My father didn't always mistreat my mother, but when he did, I identified with her pain, not his bullying. When he hurt her, he hurt me, too. My mother and I had a special bond. She was funny, smart, loving and beautiful. She was a great listener who made me feel special and important. And whenever the going got tough, she was my rock and my foundation.
One morning, after my father yelled at my mom during an argument, she and I stood in the bathroom together, alone, getting ready for the day ahead of us. The tension in the house was as thick as a cloud of dark smoke. I could tell that my mother was upset. "I love you, Ma, but I just wish that you had a little more spunk when you argue with Daddy," I said, low enough so my father couldn't hear me. She looked at me, rubbed my back and forced a smile.

I so badly wanted my mother to stand up for herself. I didn't understand why she had to submit to him whenever they fought. Who was he to lay down the law in the household? What made him so special?

I grew to resent my father's dominance in the household, even though I loved him as dearly as I loved my mother. His anger and intimidation shut down my mother, sister and me from freely expressing our opinions whenever they didn't sit well with his own. Something about the inequity in their relationship felt unjust to me, but at that young age, I couldn't articulate why.

One day, as we sat at the kitchen table after another of their many spats, my mother told me, "Byron, don't ever treat a woman the way your father treats me." I wish I had listened to her advice.

As I grew older and got into my own relationships with girls and women, I sometimes behaved as I saw my father behave. I, too, became defensive and verbally abusive whenever the girl or woman I was dating criticized or challenged me. I would belittle my girlfriends by scrutinizing their weight or their choices in clothes. In one particular college relationship, I often used my physical size to intimidate my petite girlfriend, standing over her and yelling to get my point across during arguments.

I had internalized what I had seen in my home and was slowly becoming what I had disdained as a young boy. Although my mother attempted to teach me better, I, like a lot of boys and men, felt entitled to mistreat the female gender when it benefited me to do so.
After graduating from college, I needed a job. I learned about a new outreach program that was set to launch. It was called the Mentors in Violence Prevention Project. As a student-athlete, I had done community outreach, and the MVP Project seemed like a good gig until I got a real job in my field: journalism.

Founded by Jackson Katz, the MVP Project was designed to use the status of athletes to make gender violence socially unacceptable. When I met with Katz, I didn't realize that the project was a domestic violence prevention program. Had I known that, I wouldn't have gone in for the job interview.

So when Katz explained that they were looking to hire a man to help institutionalize curricula about preventing gender violence at high schools and colleges around the country, I almost walked out the door. But during my interview, Katz asked me an interesting question. "Byron, how does African-American men's violence against African-American women uplift the African-American community?"

No one had ever asked me that question before. As an African-American man who was deeply concerned about race issues, I had never given much thought about how emotional abuse, battering, sexual assault, street harassment and rape could affect an entire community,just as racism does.
The following day, I attended a workshop about preventing gender violence, facilitated by Katz. There, he posed a question to all of the men in the room: "Men, what things do you do to protect yourself from being raped or sexually assaulted?"

Not one man, including myself, could quickly answer the question. Finally, one man raised his hand and said, "Nothing." Then Katz asked the women, "What things do you do to protect yourself from being raped or sexually assaulted?" Nearly all of the women in the room raised their hand. One by one, each woman testified:

"I don't make eye contact with men when I walk down the street," said one.
"I don't put my drink down at parties," said another.
"I use the buddy system when I go to parties."
"I cross the street when I see a group of guys walking in my direction."
"I use my keys as a potential weapon."
"I carry mace or pepper spray."
"I watch what I wear."

The women went on for several minutes, until their side of the blackboard was completely filled with responses. The men's side of the blackboard was blank. I was stunned. I had never heard a group of women say these things before. I thought about all of the women in my life -- including my mother, sister and girlfriend -- and realized that I had a lot to learn about gender.

Days after that workshop, Katz offered me the job as a mentor-training specialist, and I accepted his offer. Although I didn't know much about gender issues from an academic standpoint, I quickly learned on the job. I read books and essays by bell hooks, Patricia Hill Collins, Angela Davis and other feminist writers.

Like most guys, I had bought into the stereotype that all feminists were white, lesbian, unattractive male bashers who hated all men. But after reading the work of these black feminists, I realized that this was far from the truth. After digging into their work, I came to really respect the intelligence, courage and honesty of these women.

Feminists did not hate men. In fact, they loved men. But just as my father had silenced my mother during their arguments to avoid hearing her gripes, men silenced feminists by belittling them in order to dodge hearing the truth about who we are.

I learned that feminists offered an important critique about a male-dominated society that routinely, and globally, treated women like second-class citizens. They spoke the truth, and even though I was a man, their truth spoke to me. Through feminism, I developed a language that helped me better articulate things that I had experienced growing up as a male.

Feminist writings about patriarchy, racism, capitalism and structural sexism resonated with me because I had witnessed firsthand the kind of male dominance they challenged. I saw it as a child in my home and perpetuated it as an adult. Their analysis of male culture and male behavior helped me put my father's patriarchy into a much larger social context, and also helped me understand myself better.

I decided that I loved feminists and embraced feminism. Not only does feminism give woman a voice, but it also clears the way for men to free themselves from the stranglehold of traditional masculinity. When we hurt the women in our lives, we hurt ourselves, and we hurt our community, too.

As I became an adult, my father's behavior toward my mother changed. As he aged he mellowed, and stopped being so argumentative and verbally abusive. My mother grew to assert herself more whenever they disagreed.

It shocked me to hear her get in the last word as my father listened without getting angry. That was quite a reversal. Neither of them would consider themselves to be feminists, but I believe they both learned over time how to be fuller individuals who treated each other with mutual respect. By the time my father died from cancer in 2007, he was proudly sporting the baseball cap around town that I had given him that read, "End Violence Against Women." Who says men can't be feminists?

Byron Hurt is an award-winning documentary filmmaker and anti-sexist activist. 
http://www.theroot.com/views/why-i-am-male-feminist

Goodnight Sindi Medar-Gould

You will be missed Sindi Medar-gould. You have inspired many. You have touched endless lives (mine inclusive). A wonderful leader, an ardent feminist, a committed change-maker. Am glad we passed through each other's ways. You will be loved forever- till the end of my days.

GOODNIGHT, GOODBYE SHAMELESS SINDI.

Press Statement on the occasion of the "16 Days of Activism against Gender Violence"

BAOBAB for Women’s Human Rights (BAOBAB) 

On the occasion of the “16 Days of Activism against Gender Violence” 

Lagos, Nigeria, November 25 2011

Press Statement

Distinguished Ladies and Gentlemen of the Press,

BAOBAB for Women’s Human Rights (BAOBAB) happily welcome you to this Media conversation happening on the first day of the “16 Days of Activism against Gender Violence,” “From Peace in the Home to Peace in the World: Let's Challenge Militarism and End Violence Against Women’.”

The 25th November every year marks the beginning of the “16 Days of Activism against Gender Based Violence” which is an international campaign that started in 1991 dedicated to advocate against all forms of Gender Based Violence. The 16 Days runs from November 25, (International Day against Violence against Women) to December 10, (International Human Rights Day) to symbolically link violence against women and human rights and to emphasise that such violence is a violation of human rights. This 16-day period also highlights other significant dates including December 1, which is World AIDS Day, and December 6, which marks the Anniversary of the Montreal Massacre in 1989, when 14 women students were massacred by a lone gun-man opposed to the affirmative action policies promoted by feminists at the University of Montreal.

Since the “16 days…” campaign started, this period has been utilized by various women’s groups to call for the elimination of violence against women by raising awareness about gender based violence as a human rights issue at the local, national, regional and international levels; strengthening local work around violence against women; establishing a clear link between local and international work to end violence against women; providing a forum in which organisers can develop and share effective strategies; demonstrating the solidarity of women around the world organising against violence against women and creating tools to ask governments to implement promises made to eliminate violence against women.

Over the years, gender based violence has been a cause for concern in Nigeria and the world at large. This is mainly due to the very patriarchal nature of the society and obnoxious cultural beliefs that subjugate women and lead to their systemic discrimination in private and public spheres. The need for strategic campaigns and interventions has become even more crucial with recent reports of the prevalence of rape and assault cases on women and young girls in the country. This rise in the number of cases is a very worrisome development as BAOBAB has also continued to receive more reports of violence against women at its offices and via email and telephone calls. Two of such cases of violence are the alleged infamous gang rape in August 2011 of a young woman by 5 men suspected to be students of Abia State University, as well as the rape of female students of St Anne’s college Ibadan, Oyo state. There was also the cold murder of a female banker allegedly by her husband, amongst others.

The theme for this year’s campaign is ‘From Peace in the Home to Peace in the World: Let's Challenge Militarism and End Violence against Women’. BAOBAB for Women’s Human Rights is today joining other partners around the world to mark the period with a series of activities which include: a Gender and leadership training for young boys and girls between the ages of 13 -17 years; solidarity street campaign by a network of Men and Boys against Violence against Women (MABVAW); an in-house debate by the BAOBAB team on “Violence Against Women and Globalization, ”as well as various social advocacy activities by members of our community based volunteer outreach teams in 15 states of the country.

BAOBAB is using this opportunity to call on the government of Nigeria to:

1. Expedite the passage of the Gender and Equal Opportunities Bill into Law;

2. Expedite the reintroduction, adoption and passage of the Violence Against Persons Prohibition Bill into Law;

3. Establish support mechanisms including one-stop centers for victims of SGBV and formal shelters in collaboration with women focused NGOs;

4. Strengthen existing laws and frameworks to protect women from FGM and other harmful practices

5. Increase involvement of women in peace building processes and strengthen CSO collaboration for sustained engagement in conflict prevention and peace building.

6. Improve the collection of disaggregated data and maintenance of statistics on SGBV.

7. Ensure efficient investigation and prosecution of SGBV cases.

Distinguished friends of the Press and fellow agents of social transformation, once again we are happy that you have honoured this invitation to participate in the conversations of the next few hours and some of the activities with us, and we hope that this will translate to further collaboration towards eliminating all forms of gender based violence and consequently promote human development. Remember, if it is not good for your mother, daughter or sister, then it is not good for any woman! Let’s stop violence against Women now!

Thank You all

Chibogu Obinwa

Ag. Executive Director

See more posting on Baobab's blog

Sunset for Nigerian Feminist - Hajiya Laila Dogonyaro, OON by Sola Fagorusi

Sadly, it was twilight for Hajiya Laila Dongonyaro on the 28th of April, 2011; a foremost women rights advocate and politician. Born 67 years ago, Hajiya Laila, the Garkuwar Garki of Jigawa State was a known vanguard of women political emancipation in regionally in northern Nigeria and Nationally. She died after a brief illness and years of protracted battle with diabetics and hypertension.

The recipient of several awards including the Officer of the Order of the Niger, OON in 2001 was largely involved in the activities of the Jam’iyar Matan Arewa (JMA), the first collective Northern women organisation which was founded in 1963 and was the President of the National Council for Women Societies (NCWS) 1993 -1915. She will be fondly remembered by several who have benefitted from her proactive efforts at pushing for child education, women socio-economic and political development and her active engagement in politics. It was Hajia Laila who famously described the role of women in the politics of the first republic as that of a ‘flower vase’. She opined that she felt so because ’some women then were active participants in politics but with no franchise to vote and be vote for.’

In an interview last year with the Daily Trust Newspaper, she recounted how she and a few others including the late Simbiat Abiola worked together and ensured that women had a voice in politics. ‘After the elections, we went and a transition committee was set up and I think there were 12 to 13 committees. There were about four or five women at the meeting and none of us was included. There was Anne Obi, Mrs Kezia Agundu, Mrs. Adenike Ebun-Oyegbola was there, Alhaja Simbiat Abiola and I. I couldn’t bear it so I asked to be allowed to speak. I expressed my disappointment at the composition of the committees. I pointed out that barely a week ago, we had queued in the sun to vote you as president and we are now being forgotten seven days after the election. That was in 1979. Alhaji Shehu Shagari said I was right and he directed that women should be included in the committees. Although our names were put down but we were never invited to attend the committee meetings. That was how the struggle started.’

She attended only primary school (was also married off early at 12) and was an advocate for girl-child education. One of her last projects was a girl’s secondary school in Garki, Jigawa State which she slated to be opened in September.

Hajiya Dogonyaro is survived by four children Mohammed Ahmed (the Sarkin Yakin Garki), Mairo Hassan Hussein, Binta and Isa Dogonyaro. The First Lady of Nigeria, Mrs. Dame Patience Jonathan in a national broadcast acknowledged her huge contribution to the cause of womanhood and said ’she will be missed by several people.’ Governor Adams Oshiomole of Edo State through a press release recalled her initiating the Women Opinion Leadership Forum, “which became a training ground for younger women, who eventually found their feet in politics”, her pioneering contributions towards the development of the Women’s empowerment movement and championing “greater involvement of women in politics and governance”.

May her soul rest in perfect peace.

Sola Fagorusi writes for Free2run and original Article can also be found on Free2run website.

Missing the 100th celebration of International Women's Day

If I had not being so afraid of the turbulence up there in the sky, I would have discussed having an International Women's Day celebration in the sky aboard Air France plane with the cabin crew. It would have being fun, I would have still got the opportunity to anchor the very programme I missed in Nigeria due to Air France big fault! Well, missing a plane is better than losing a life! Air France had to do what they had to do to prevent crashing again, so I understand but then it pained me that I still missed the event that made me schedule my flight back to Nigeria from the 55th Commission on the Status of Women's events at the UN in New York.


I could just have started something in the plane to commemorate the day; that I have reasons to be thankful for days like this. Thankful that there are many feminists and women's rights defenders and activists that have made remarkable differences and contributions all over the world to change the status of women for better, to campaign and fight for the rights of women, to advocate and work for existence of many laws and policies for the protection of women and girls. Thankful for the support of many men that are advocating for the advancement of women and soliciting for better treatment of women in the society. Thankful also that many remarkable landmarks of achievements had being made and that many will still be achieved against all odds.


Happy 100th International Women's Day to you all.

Different Faces of Abuse.

It's being a month or so that I am back home. ' Home sweet home- Nigeria I hail thee'. It was as if I was not away for a year but a millisecond. Getting back into the scheme of things didn't take time. It is already in the blood but can I stand the traffic jam in Lagos again? I just can't but I have to. There are still darling friends to see but I am stalling and looking for appriopriate time to go and avoid plenty traffic but work cannot wait . I am doing a research consulting at the moment and it is very interesting. It means also that I have to be in a lot of places to do a lot of things and taking buses a lot of times. I have being challenged by friends to buy a car not that I have the money or that I really want to but it is looking like I have to. Well, I think too that running from buses 'palava' cannot make the problem go away as there are many bad road users on Lagos roads but there will be lesser hassles if I am in my car I guess.

For one, I won't have to listen to so many things I will rather not listen to. It is really amazing how people can complicate issues when they think the first thing that come out of their mouth will resolve whatever it is on the ground. How at times we subjugate women further in our attempt to be peacemakers without fore sight. There have being many cases I have witnessed or that have being victims of. So, I can say this is not a one off issue. Imagine a woman for instance that is asking politely for people to create more space in her seat and the jerk next to her find that offensive and the peacemaker can only say "madam, at least you have a husband at home, you know how men are, we just have to manage them". First if we think about this properly, it means women don't have a choice but to cope with any situation they find themselves and men are what now, idiots? But no one will analyse the latter...

I was on one of my research trips today and after a long day, I was coming back home. I took a bus, sat in the front and dreaming of getting home to rest and spent time with my partner. I didn't enjoy the solitude for long when one fella asked me rudely to move to the middle seat in the front. I ask him to seat in the middle seat if he wanted to but he was upset and he started talking down at me with his friend at the back chorusing. The driver found it his duty to interfere and what he can come up with is "You know women only have mouth and not power" before he went ahead to indicate to the fella that he is older than me. All I asked him - I mean the rude fella was to please take the other seat and now women have mouth? Statements like this only broaden gender inequality and instigate violence. The assumption that this fella was older than me was ridiculous and rest of the statement was appalling. The Drama went on for a while but I just ignored the misbehaved fella after I corrected the driver. I just wonder how many more of these incidents would have led to abuses- both verbally and physically if not contained?

That reminds me, a colleague of my friend was beaten up by her husband and did not come to work for 2 days, when she did, it was with bruises and swollen face. She refused to take the case to women organisations for mediation. What do you think of this decision? My neighbour's pregnant daughter was beaten up by her carpenter who is also their family friend because she got angry that he did not do the job she paid for. Today is the last day of 16 days of activism against violence against women and the journey seems longer...

Men are stronger than women? by Rachael Uwah

Here is a thinking mind of a sister, asking questions, pondering...

Men are stronger than women? Oh Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Can you bleed for a week and survive?

Can you squeeze a 14 inch baby from a 9 cm hole?

Can you carry a 7 pound baby in your stomach for 9months & @ the same time carry other heavy things like 20litres of water on ur head etc?

Can you take care of a child, cook,clean, and talk on the phone @ once?

Can you carry a 108 pound shopping bag?

Can you go a week only eating salad?

Can you face heartbreak?

Can you watch the love of your life be with someone else?

Can you accept lies then smile like you have heard the best truth in your lifetime?

Can you hurt your fingers while cooking and all you get is horrible comments like Its salty, Tasteless...?

Can you burn your forehead with a straightener & not complain cus u just want 2 look beautiful for someone?

Can you walk all day on 6 inch stilettos?

Can you cry all night then get up the next morning like everything is OK?

OF COURSE NOT!

WOMEN ROCK!!!

Note: this is not my work but Rachael Uwah's who has agreed that I share this.

DO something, SAY something - Original Article by Fungai Rufaro Machirori

Note: This is a recirculation of this post by a Zimbabwean Blogger Fungai- Visit her blog

This shouldn’t be happening in 2010.

In fact, it shouldn’t be happening ever.

When I saw the images of this woman’s plight, I felt my heart plummet into my bowels. I felt the anger seeping into my blood. I asked myself if it was possible that a man could be so heartless as to inflict such pain onto another human being, especially since in my last post, I so fervently celebrated the joys of having men in the world.

Over the weekend, I received an email from the Zimbabwe Gender Forum about a young woman who was recently attacked by her husband. In the physical battle that ensued, he plucked out her hair and caused so much damage to her abdomen that she needed an operation to reorder her intestines which had premusbaly unravelled and torn due to the impact. The same woman was hospitalised at one of Harare’s hospitals while her husband was remanded in custody. And the story only gets worse. The hospital where she received treatment detained her for failure to pay her medical bills. Only through the efforts of Musasa Project (an organisation working to end gender-based violence) did she finally receive assistance.
What kind of a health system is that anyway? What has the world come to when those who have already suffered oppression at the hands of an individual must also suffer oppression at the hands of a system?!!
What would have happened to this woman – also the mother of two children below the age of 5 – if no one had been there to help her? Does anyone care?! I am very worried by this situation on many levels because it just reflects the ugliness of our society. Zimbabwe has had a Domestic Violence Act in place for over 3 years now but implementation thereof is still a massive challenge due to lack of financial and political commitment. Men still get off scott-free if they know the right buttons to press within the system. A bribe here and there and a whole docket of information can disappear from the police records.


What social protection do we as women therefore have? In June, I was at Harare’s ONLY adult rape clinic and learnt with shock, anguish and fear that the centre is facing severe funding shortfalls and due to to this cannot expand its services to become a 24-hour service to provide full attention to rape survivors. For now, the clinic only operates on week days from 8am-4pm. This means that if you are raped on a Friday evening, you can only get assistance from the clinic the following Monday morning. And because the nature of a rape investigation entails the survivor keeping evidence of the incident on their body, one must not wash off the traces of semen and sperm from their body until they can be examined.

A woman at the clinic had to endure that plight – just take a moment to imagine how horrendous that would feel. The shame, the reminder of it all, the smell, the feeling of filth covered all over you.By the time she could be attended to on the Monday morning, the staff at the clinic described her as “stinking”. What protection do we as women have from our men, from a patriarchal society that keeps telling us it’s all our fault for not being good enough women, that we deserve a bashing every now and then to keep us one th straight and narrow?


Men, you are both the problem and the solution. Value us as human beings. Respect our bodies as the vessles that house our souls, our creativity, our womanhood.
Do not invade us.
Do not kill us.
We are your sisters. And you are our brothers.
I began this post with a story that shouldn’t be told in 2010. The pictures of this tragedy shouldn’t exist. I shouldn’t even be writing this all.
But I am. Are you going to do anything about it? Or are you just going to close your eyes and walk away from it all?
Do something! Say something!
Help spread the word that this is not acceptable.

The Activist is going dotcom!

Greetings from New York! It is very hot in here and I do not like their subways one bit! Okay on to other things, I have being thinking (and I should consult Free Flowing Florida on this) that it will be good to have "theactivist.com" blog. I think I need the domain name as well as different segments to deal with different issues that I am passionate about, working on and raising awareness of. I want to still be able to do "cats on Tuesday" series, the "interview Thursday" series all which seem to have gone into extinction at the moment. I need to rekindle these two series. I want also to have a different segment where I can talk about my daily life experience.

All these thoughts keep going back and forth in my mind at the moment because, I am taking on more responsibilities, I need to be able to blog about conflict, security and development, Gender and Development, Feminism and Women's rights, ICT4D, Climate Change and other vital development issues in African and Abroad. I trully believe it's time I took that decision of going "dotcom" or "point com" like my Malian friends would. Taking up the opportunity of having multiple pages on one's blog is hard to ignore. I also want to be able to publish materials from other activists, scholars, academians working on relevants areas of interests.

Still thinking hard about all these. What do you suggest my ever reliable blogshpere/blogsville?

Photo speak - Women E-Campaigners

Technology is for us all, we all own it, we all need to use it optimally. Very interesting training!

It will be done, we need to strategize, own the knowledge and use the knowledge.

We are all saying, we will keep campaigning, keep working together until all forms of discrimination and ill treatment of women stop all over the world.

Interview Thursday "...I wouldn't attribute the single fact that women are doing better for themselves as a cause of the higher divorce rates"- Mgbeke

It was a great pleasure to have a blogger I admire with her boldness and truthfulness mixed with a lot of fun- [at least that is the sense I get each time I visit her blog]. She describes herslef as a razz Igbo woman who decided to bring her craze to Blogsphere. Prior to discovering Blogsville, she was on the formerly popular site...Xanga.com, where she was airing her thoughts and observations on the world wide web at a young age. Apart from blogging, she enjoys people, watching, laughing and cracking herself up, bargain hunting, collecting shoes (as she believes a woman can never have too many), any opportunity to go out to eat, travelling and generally having a good time...among others.Like Vera and Afrobabe, this is a blog with an average of 25 comments per post. Original Mgbeke is trully Original and she is sharing with Standtall this Thursday....

You made an interesting post on your blog in September 2009 with the Heading " I am not a man Hater", and I agree with the issues raised that made you get upset with the subjugated views of women, I want to know from your point of view if it is really compulsory for everyone to be married?

No, I do not think that marriage is compulsory. I think that ideally, most of us would love to be married and have someone to share the rest of our lives with but unfortunately, this is not going to happen for everybody and so if it doesn't happen, let's learn to not kill ourselves over that fact. I also think that the pressures that we place on ourselves, as well as the pressures that society places on ourselves makes it seem like marriage is compulsory. Especially for us women, It's like you hit a certain age, there's no man and sight and everyone is asking you questions and your entire family appears to be holding prayer meetings on your behalf. It's factors like this, that make it appear to be that our generation is not even running down the aisle in this day and age, we are literally galloping with the next available person because we think that marriage is compulsory. It's also this mindset that marriage is compulsory that attributes to a whole bunch of unhappy married individuals who rushed into the marriage in the first place. Long story short, marriage is not a compulsory or by-force matter and I hope that we can all learn to accept that fact and not strangle ourselves if along the line, we don't have a spouse to share the rest of our lives with.

In this day and age, women are having break through in jobs and financial independence, do you think this is responsible for divorce rate being on the increase?
I do not think that the fact that women are having break through jobs and greater financial independence should be attributed to higher divorce rates. I think that it really depends, as in a woman might have a great job and be the breadwinner in her household, yet she may still respect her husband and uphold him as the head of the household. If the husband is an insecure man who can't handle the fact that his wife makes more than him, then sure it could lead to problems in the marriage which could ultimately spell divorce. In the same vein, such a woman could be the breadwinner and cease to respect her husband, and that is definitely asking for trouble in your marriage the minute you stop respecting your husband because you make $100k and he makes $50k. Those factors could certainly lead to divorce but I wouldn't attribute the single fact that women are doing better for themselves as a cause of the higher divorce rates.

Can you clarify what you mean by respect as some people view this to be submitting to the whimps and caprices of your man, is that what you meant?
Let me clarify. In my opinion, respecting your husband is not about being a slave, submitting to foolishness or kneeling down to greet him and serve him food. When I say respect, I mean that as a woman, you should respect your hubby and continue to stand by him despite the odds. Like I said in my example, the fact that I make 100k and he makes 50k, should not give me a right to start talking down to him, or disrespecting him. When he says A, I will say B and add 'after all, I pay all the bills in this house so you really can't tell me nothing'. That's what I mean by disrespect. Sure, I could make more and pay more of the bills but if he's still going out there and working hard, staying focused and showing ambition by wanting more for himself, being a great husband and father then he deserves my respect and the differences in earning power won't change anything.

Note to men:- Notice the clauses for earning a woman's respect o! Don't go and be balancing on couch and being a total bum and an unfocused, unmotivated somebody because you've seen 'breadwinner' because tomorrow when they disrespect you, don't say that you didn't see that one coming.

Would you rather be married and unhappy or single and happy or divorced and happy?
Definitely single and happy. In terms of marriage, I would rather not get married at all if I deem a man to be someone who will sap my energy and happiness. In the unfortunate event that I get married, and along the line things between me and my husband go sour and have passed the point of no return, then what's the use in hanging onto the marriage if I'm unhappy? I mean, it's like you wanna look forward to going home to your family especially after a long day at work. The last thing I wanna do is to roll my eyes at the thought of going home, or be requesting to work overtime because I don't want to go home and dwell in my unhappiness. My happiness is key to me, and if something ain't right and it can't be fixed through prayer, counseling and what have you, then too bad but I won't lose my sanity on top the marriage sha o.

If you have a chance to change something in the world, what will it be?
I would wave my magic wand and we would all just get along. Every single one of us...none of that war ish, none of those crazed serial killers shooting, none of the ridiculous drama that some of us experience in our personal lives. If we all got along, life would be much simpler.

In the Nigerian constitution, a woman that marries a foreigner cannot have her husband become a Nigeria while a man can, what do oyu think of this?
I guess this is a good time to display my ignorance and confess that I had no idea about this. Very interesting...I think it's quite stupid and even sexist but for some reason, I'm not surprised. Is it not our great country, after all?

You blog posts are always so interesting and thought provoking, the recent post is you dumping your independent status for a rich man-lol. Is this a joke or do you think there is really no need for a woman to be independent?
I was half kidding (hint hint, rich men are still wanted) but to keep it real, I think that women definitely need to sample a lifestyle of fending for oneself and doing things for oneself, even if a rich man might be on our wishlists. It makes you more self sufficient and when you finally snag the man, you will appreciate the concept of working hard for money and won't be uselessly spending his money anyhow. In addition to that, if you want a rich man, you should meet the man at least halfway or something. Experience life doing things for yourself. Buy your own ish...be it your own drinks at the club, your own clothes, your own car etc. You can't be at point ZERO and expect your captain save-a-chick to swoop in and completely cover you 100%...tomorrow now, when kasala[problem] burst the man will remind you that he paid for even the panties that you are wearing. Much as I dislike some aspects of the independent lifestyle, it's a nice feeling to know that you don't have to rely on anyone to be able to do well for youself. Now, in my post I see where most people conveniently skipped my reference to 'a buying and selling business on the side' or 'salary for stay at home money'...long story short, even as I plan to quit my job and marry a rich man, I still plan on getting mines so I will technically still be a paid chick making her own money. Hehehehehe

There are some articles about some men going for rich ladies because of their money, don't you think this is no big deal if we have to think of what is good for the goose..?
I always say, you do what makes you happy. If a man wants to be 'kept', then no shakings. The only down side to this is that men have egos and so you need to be able to humble yourselves in this quest to be kept. I mean, the woman might love you and truly respect you but because she said something like 'baby, please buy milk on your way home'...the man will now start vexing that 'Imagine, she has the nerve to ask me to go and buy groceries like I am a housewife, is it because she is making all the money..?', that kain thing...guys, you know how some of you can be. One love my people.

Would 50-50 contributions in marriage/relationship better? What is your stand on this?
50/50 contributions would be perfect in an ideal world. Let me use America for instance where the man and woman would both work 9-5, and have a joint account where they chip in an equal amount of money into paying the mortgage/rent, bills etc etc. If the man comes home before the woman, he starts dinner, and if the woman comes home before the man, she starts dinner. When the children need to be fed and taken care of, both the man and the woman take care of that on an equal basis, and when the household needs to be cleaned, the man and woman would take care of that on an equal basis...none of that 'it's a woman's job' kind of deal. Unfortunately, 50/50 contributions do not seem to exist as it seems to be that ultimately it's us the women who have to deal with a greater % of caring for the home, along with maintaining a 9-5 as a full time career woman. Women try o! If you're a guy reading this, when you get home make sure you give your wives a big fat kiss and tell her how much you appreciate her.

My solution to this is that if my husband wants to come home at 5pm and wait for me to get home at 7pm so I can cook dinner for him and the kids/if I have to bear a good chunk of the homemaker responsibilities and be a super career woman + full time mommy and home maker, then when it's time to pay the bills I will contribute 10% while he handles the remaining 90%. Ladies and Gentlemen, what ya say? Because this ojoro[cheating] must end.

What is the purpose of your blog?
I'm just a regular ol' chick who started a blog to air my thoughts and random observations. I'm a big people watcher and I'm constantly thinking thoughts and what not, so I figured that a blog would be a good place to be yarning my own.

What have you gained or lost through blogging?
Gains:- I have 'met' really great people, and I put the word in quotes because I have never even seen some of these people but they show a sister love, and I am very very appreciative. I have also gotten a chance to be exposed to different people with a very interesting variety of mindsets and views. It's really been a very interesting journey and I'm glad I discovered the wonderful world of blogsville.

Loss:- Time and energy! Blogging is a full time job sha o, it's like you gotta make all these rounds and then reply to your comments (which I soo fell off doing) and what not. That can take up some serious time so these days, I tend to put everything off till the weekend. No love lost though, I enjoy losing time and energy over blogsville. Hahahaha.

LET'S PRAY ALL FORMS OF VIOLENCE BACK TO HELL!

In the spirit of 16 DAYS OF ACTIVISM AGAINST VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN (25/11/2009 - 10/12/2009), I present to you the documentary on the effort of Liberia women in bringing the war of over a decade to an end. This is to allow us see that women have a role to play in the development of their nation.

The documentary "PRAY BACK THE DEVIL TO HELL" brought together women from Christain background, women from Islamic background and they were all united for a common Goal - PEACE in Liberia!

Most often women are excluded from peace table but they are often the one to bear the brunt of war, the sexual violence, sexual exploitation, the killing of their children, husband, friends and family, the caretaking of children and others during the war, the displacement from their home and countries...

To have women inclusion in decision making on security issues as well as dealing with issues of all forms of violence against women during war including low intensity conflict situations, we need to implement the UN Security Council Resolution 1325 in all countries in the world.

Take a decision to day, in the spirit of 16 Days of Activism to:

1. pray all forms of violence against women back to hell
2. pray inequality back to hell
3. pray assault, rape, sexual violence against women back to hell
4. pray all form of violence and exploitation on one another and our nations back to hell
5. pray bad leadership back to hell
6. pray the use of children as child soldiers back to hell
7. pray HIV back to hell
8. pray low intensity conflict, armed conflict, violent conflict back to hell
9. Pray climate change back to hell!

Let our prayers, be our actions, let our prayers be our decision, let our prayers be the change we want to see, let our prayer be our invlovement in bringing those change alive.

Note that the documentary has being compressed to fit the youtube speculated time.

Interview Thursday: Standtall in Print!

Bookaholic had captured Standtall read handed! How? Where? When? She got her interviewed! This is not an online interview this time but a print interview in TRUE LOVE West Africa magazine where for the first time Standtall real name was mention as well as her picture shown!

Am not advertising for True Love but if you want to have a feel of the interview, grab the copy of True Love magazine and flip quickly to page 75!

Is someone still speaking this language?

Weaker sex- but she is expected to do all the cooking.

Weaker sex- but she is expected to bring up the kids.

Weaker sex- she does all his laundry and provide sex at will.

Weaker sex- she is expected to think, go to work and serve her family.

Weaker sex – and she carried that pregnancy for 9 months!

Weaker sex – and she nurture all the men after given birth to them.

Weaker sex- and her place is in the kitchen.

Weaker sex- we know she is brilliant, intelligent and logical but her opinion is not needed.

Weaker sex- when it was Paul talking and not God talking!

Is someone still speaking this language?

Is someone still thinking this thought?

Is someone seeing women this way?

Wake up dude, you are mistaking!

Interview Thursday:" It is not and has never been our culture for a woman to take on the name of her husband"- Sugabelly

-->She is a defender of all that is good and progressive about Nigeria, she is a critic of all that is wrong and inhuman. She is an entrepreneur, a pro-woman and an intellect. Sugabelly is my guest on "Interview Thursday"!

I have come to view you as a very brave, intelligent, and no-nonsense taker kind of lady, what inspire you to start your blog?

Thank you! I originally started blogging as a way to deal with the overflow from my journals. I write a lot and once kids in school noticed they started stealing my journals. I couldn’t have that so I moved a lot of stuff online to a secret Livejournal blog (it’s been shut down now though).

What do you intend to achieve via your blog?

So my blog was originally (and still is) my personal purgatory for all my emotional troubles but it seems quite a number of people have begun to read my blog and so I find that I can’t exactly pour out all the gory details of my life anymore. To make up for that, I blog about other things that I’m interested in: Nigeria, Igbo culture, African music, and other random stuff.

As far as achievement goes, I recently discovered that a bunch of Asians actually read my blog. It never occurred to me before that non-Africans might read my blog, so I hope that any non-Africans that read my blog will come to see Nigerians (and by extension Africans) as real, multi-dimensional people with real lives who are intellectual, fall in love, go to work, have fun, etc. So many people from the rest of the world just can’t relate to or imagine Africans outside the context of poverty, AIDS, and disease. Everyone needs to realize that half the time these are not the things that occupy our minds. We have hopes and dreams and aspirations like everyone else. We have great loves and terrible enemies. We have amazing cultures but at the same time we are trying to negotiate a world that would rather rid us of our culture and we are trying to reconcile the two, so I hope they see that because lots of people will never visit Nigeria and our blogs are pretty much the only window they have into our part of the world.

You are an entrepreneur and you have started your clothes line as well as an Igbo Language Institute, how has the journey being for you?

There’s nothing quite like starting your own company. I think everyone should try it at least once in their life. I have probably learned more in a year than I thought I’d be learning from school. Running a tshirt company (albeit a teeny tiny one) is tough but it’s great because I’m an International Business major and it’s fun to learn something in class and then say ‘okay, how can I apply this to my business?’. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, some small, some big, and I even had to shut down after a year to re-structure (and have a better website built) so I would say it’s been one big learning experience. I changed the name of my company, I changed the logo, I changed so many things and I’m probably going to change more things, but I’m enjoying learning how to effectively manage a business.

As for the Igbo Academy, let me just say that nothing is without its challenges. I knew from the beginning that there would be lots of Igbo people that would be totally resistant to any change and I think what I need most is to be okay with that. A lot of the time I run around screaming ‘But something is so obviously wrong!!! Why can’t you see that??” Maybe I’m just impatient because I never had anybody to be patient with (I’m an only child) but I just realized that people will take their sweet time and I need to deal with it. (I’m not good at dealing sometimes). The Igbo Academy will continue because it is needed. We Igbos haven’t achieved language actualization yet, and until we do, we need to keep doing research on our language and coming up with solutions for linguistic problems.

I am super excited because I finally launched the blog for The Ndebe Project! Can I plug here? Okay, shameless plug – Please visit http://ndebe.blogspot.com where you can learn to speak Igbo for free online and learn to write it with the Ndebe script.

What inspired your passion for the Igbo Academy and what have you achieved by starting it?

I started the Igbo Academy because MASSIVE communication problems exist within the Igbo language. The reality is that no Igbo person can go through a full day in a city without saying at least one English word, and this is not because people do not know how to speak Igbo but because there simply are no Igbo words for half the things that we encounter on a daily basis. Even our great-great grandparents whom I am sure speak impeccable Igbo would be stumped on an average day in Abuja because the words don’t exist. Unfortunately the expansion of our language stopped when we came into contact with the Europeans. They brought new things with them and rather than create names for these new things we simply gave up on our language altogether, preferring to speak English.

A lot of Igbo people don’t like to admit it but Igbo is a stilted, sadly limited language. Let me say for clarity’s sake that if Igbo had been nurtured and encouraged to grow as new technologies and new things emerged it would be one of the richest languages on Earth but the truth is that as a people we have not nurtured our language and we have not helped it to develop. Igbo people are among some of the most ardent followers of all things European and only in the last five years has there been some sort of cultural renaissance among us. For a long time we’ve been all about slavishly adopting western culture, language, and behaviour even to the point of self-effacement. The truth is, there are a lot of Igbo parents out there that refuse to teach their children Igbo. There are a lot of Igbo parents that give their children only English names. There are a lot of Igbo parents that honest-to-God believe that English is far superior to Igbo. I believe that while English has to be by far the most expansive language in the world, it is not superior to Igbo or any other language for that matter.

Perhaps the most positive thing the Igbo Academy has achieved in its short existence so far is renewed interest in Igbo language and culture. I think that because I’m sharing some of the findings of the research on Igbo culture and language that I’m doing under The Academy more Igbo people that read my blog or that are members of the group are now more interested in their language and their culture and I think more people are now actively seeking out information about Igbo. Hopefully this spreads out to the greater Igbo population and the Igbo language will develop and expand while retaining its authenticity and cultural purity.

Can you tell us more about your clothes line and how we can get to patronize you?

I design t-shirts that have to do with the social, cultural, and political mores of Nigeria. The sensation I try to evoke when I’m sketching is nostalgia. I’ve lived in America for two years now and I’ve become homesick for even the smallest things that are essentially ‘Nigerian’. Basically, I could sit on my bed and cry about how homesick I am or I could make a t-shirt that reminds me of home. I’d rather do the latter. Maybe because I save the tears for when I really need them, like for my non-existent love life.

So as I mentioned before I am currently restructuring my t-shirt company. It used to be called Barcelagos, and then for a hot minute it was Barcelago, but now it is called Dinka, which I feel, is a far more culturally appropriate name (Dinka means artisan or artist in Igbo). Dinka’s logo is a zebra wearing the traditional red Igbo hat with a feather. I love that zebra. I’ve named him Mazi Zebra. Looking at him makes me smile J

There is a new website. Dinka’s new home. Currently the website is under construction but a few weeks ago I put up a screenshot of what it looks like behind the scenes. It’s very cool actually. Fans will be able to upload pictures of their Dinka t-shirts, there will giveaways, a sale mailing list so you never miss a discount, etc. It’s a whole new look for the brand. The website will be live hopefully before the summer is over. Otherwise it will launch early in the fall term. I’m totally excited about it. Unfortunately I am currently unable to get t-shirts to people outside the United States, Canada, Mexico and Europe, but I am working on it, and as soon as this is possible, especially shipping to my beloved Nigeria, I’ll let you know! :D

You started quite a discussion on the Next online Newpaper about women not changing their names after marriage and I admire your courage, does this make you a believer of women's rights and independence?

I am completely pro-woman. I believe that women are full human beings and deserve equal rights and independence as have men. I think there are lot of women, especially Nigerian women who are the unwitting victims of brainwashing and social conditioning to the point that it is more often the women than the men that defend practices that are meant to dehumanize or subjugate them. A classic example is Female Genital Mutilation. On any given day you will find more women in support of it than men. Sometimes I think Nigerian women need mental decommissioning. It’s like some of us are robots that have been programmed with a certain set of instructions and we just act without really questioning the motives behind some of these so-called cultural practices. We need to be decommissioned in order to see the truth.

On the issue of women changing their names, I’m maintaining my position. It is not and has never been our culture (any of the myriad Nigerian cultures) for a woman to take on the name of her husband. It’s a silly European practice that infected us via the missionaries and the colonists. The annoying thing is, it’s not even a CHRISTIAN practice as many Nigerians believe, neither is it a MUSLIM practice. It’s just plain old European culture being mindlessly copied by Africans. I say no to that kind of mindless imitation. There is no justifiable reason for a woman to take on her husband’s name, and even when it comes to the children I take offense. Women do 85% percent of all the work related to children so why should the MAN be the one to get his name passed on through them?

Women suffer through pregnancy with backaches and swollen feet, then there’s the horror of giving birth, then there’s the headaches that come with incessantly crying babies, then there’s the day to day care of the child which most Nigerian men either distance themselves from or only play a very secondary role. At the end of the day, most children in a two-parent African home spend probably about 80% of parental time with their MOTHERS, yet their fathers get to beat their chests in satisfaction of the continuity of their lineage. I call bullshit. Not only will I not be changing my name when I get married, but my children MUST have a double barrel surname consisting of my surname and my husband’s surname. I deserve to have MY lineage perpetuated and I won’t accept anything less. Women do most of the work in this world and it’s about time we started getting rewarded for it.

What do you think we can do to change the wrong portray of Nigeria out there?

Nigeria is portrayed in very negative terms in most of the Western media, and my recent experience with The Philanthropist show (from NBC) made me realize that the western media is too caught up in its fantasy of Nigeria as this bad terrible place and itself (the West) as our glorious saviour for any real change to come from their end.

It is up to us as Nigerians to put out media that portrays the REAL Nigeria. Nigerians need to show the world the reality of Nigeria. We need to show the world the reality of what is good in Nigeria, and the reality of what is bad in Nigeria. Sure Nigeria has electricity and water problems, government problems, ignorance problems, but we also have amazing food, hot people, intelligence, vibrant creativity, a beautiful country, many fantastic languages and cultures, and a great sense of humour. THAT is the reality of Nigeria, not mythical hurricanes that blow floods in as far as Abuja and create mudslides in Sokoto.

Nollywood has a responsibility to do this and unfortunately, they are not stepping up to the plate. The subject matter of Nollywood movies is so poor and predictable that I am honestly amazed that people actually sit down and watch them. Nollywood movies are a huge export to the Black communities of the western world and the Carribean and there is a lost opportunity in these movies to depict Nigeria as the great place it is which the filmmakers are not taking. In the end, the Black people in other parts of the world have even more inaccurate ideas about Nigeria compounded by an unfortunate combination of Hollywood and National Geographic.

I understand that Nollywood is meant to be funny, but when you look at the messages non-Nigerian people glean from these movies, it’s not funny at all. Wasn’t it ABC or CBS that did a Nigerian scammer special based off a song that Osuofia sang for one of his comedies?

But Nollywood is not the only industry in Nigeria. All industries in Nigeria and Nigerian owned businesses should do as much as they can to be proudly Nigerian and provide good service so that people will come to associate Nigerian businesses with good service and quality products. On our end as citizens we must demand better governance and utilize the power of our votes. If it means protesting after botched elections then let’s get to it.

Is there a way we as Nigerian can better our own very image?

I think the best way for Nigerians to change our image as Nigerian individuals is by being ourselves and showing the world that Nigerians are a diverse group of intelligent, good, capable people. We need to spread into more areas of expertise not just the run-of-the-mill Doctor, Lawyer, Accountant, Engineer mold we limit ourselves to so often. A lot of people that have bad ideas about Nigeria have never met a Nigerian and have never been to Nigeria. It’s up to us to live our best lives and acknowledge and be proud of our country along the way. 

I’ve said before that I don’t like people that hide the fact that they are Nigerian. If you’re successful then please claim Nigeria in your success. It’s a chicken egg situation. People that deny Nigeria always claim that Nigeria has a bad image and so they don’t want to be associated with it, but Nigeria’s image won’t get better if honest successful people do not acknowledge their Nigerianness.