" I know a woman gives up a lot for the sake of her marriage, but I would often wonder if I'd given up much more than I was required" - FFF

She is fabulously fantastic, a flourishing writer and blogger; I was more than happy to share with Flourishing Florida now known as Free Flowing Florida {FFF}. A proud owner of 2 fantastic blogs, join me in this powerful moment with FFF.

Can we meet FFF?

Guess this is where i describe myself, which I have to say, I’m pretty bad at. But, here it goes. I'm young, vibrant, ambitious, a dreamer, extremely emotional yet hard as nail & a lover of everything beautiful. It's funny about the young part, cos I still have to remind myself that i'm a grown ass woman now. LOL. Truth is, I still very much feel like a kid. I can envision myself, pregnant & fretting, ‘Help, I’m still a baby! How the hell did I wind up giving birth to another baby!’

Mention 5 things you value most.My family. Although some of them would probably say I’ve a funny way of showing it, as I haven't spoken to my dad & my immediate younger brother since last December. But i worry about every one of them all the time, and they are always on my mind. But, I’m doing a better job of showing emotions with my husband. & I know am going to be one of those mothers that will cross seven seas & seven oceans for her kids. But, if they mess up, bulala straight.

My freedom. This was so important to me, that it was the singular factor i looked for in deciding who to marry. If i felt a dude would restrict me, he was OUT.

Honesty – well, it’s not like I tell the truth all the time oh. LOL. But, I try sha. However, too many people hide themselves, & for what I don’t understand. We are not in a contest for goodness. There is no medal, except that you’ve created in your head. So, why not be honest. Own up to who or what you are. If you are good, great. If you are not, work at it & be an inspiration to the rest of us who are doing same. I’ve a big oh problem with pretentious people, I do.

Work! I live to work, am afraid. I'm not very domesticated, so i identify myself through work. It's a good thing I’m pretty good at it too. Still, I’ve a five years plan to quit paid employment, & set up a farm (with MM). The whole idea is to enable me keep a closer eye on the kids when they are at their most formative age. I'd still be working, just not for someone else.

Writing: I have been writing since I was little, six years old I think. I have stories swirling my head all the time. Seriously, all the time! If I don’t get some of them out by putting them in writing, I feel like a part of me has been cut off.
You first personal blog started out with your day to day activities and now you write stories through it, is this what we should expect from now on?

Oh yes. Ruffin It is going to be mainly about stories. A bit of my personal life will be told of course, just to personalize it & share with other bloggers on the going-ons in my life.

You now run a second blog, can you explain the need for 2 blogs?

Well, sometimes when you want to create something, you may need a different medium to do so. Ruffin It is a now a Series blog, a blog that told fictional stories. Bambina was going an entirely different route – real life stories/experiences, & several contributors. Basically, I didn’t want to ‘own’ Bambina. I wanted it to be a blog where anyone and everyone could ‘own’. So, you see, those two couldn’t mix well. Besides, I wanted each to have its own niche, catering to different needs. I hope I make sense.

I have read a lot about Ejike story on your blog and it makes me feel you are a good writer, can you tell us more about your writing journey?

I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember. I was a shy child, you see. I’m still a bit shy now, LOL. So anyways, I was so shy. & my family didn’t encourage free expression. My dad liked us to be proper. My sister naturally fit in to, I didn’t. When you combine my discomfort with expressing myself with strangers and being hushed for speaking with my family, what you get is the desire to self-express using writing. When I wrote in my younger years, I did so strictly for my own enjoyment. Then, I discovered the joy of having someone else enjoy what I write, & I pursued it. Finally, I realized that one does get paid for writing, so that’s what am all after now. To be paid good money too.

Will you like to publish a book or a lot of books someday?

No, I haven’t published a book before. But I have about 4 or 5 short stories featured in newspapers and online sources. My husband keeps asking me why I haven’t published yet, and frankly I’m scared. I fear my writing wouldn’t be good enough – cos I have read lots & lots of writers that floor me on anyday. Actually, what I fear the most is the publicity part of writing. That’s where the shy child in me keeps hindering me. I’m self-protective, not wanting to let too many people close. It’s as though that publicity would over-expose me to strangers. I guess, when I conquer that, then I’d really be ready to publish.

What does FFF do beside writing, blogging and loving?

Watching TV/movies. I’m an addict! Reading – novels, magazines or just about anything that catches my interest. Day-dreaming. I don’t quite enjoy cooking or cleaning, but when I have to, I really throw myself into it.                                 Image from FFF Album

"My husband can't cook if my life depended on it. But yesterday, it did!!!!!!!" was your twitter message, do you care to share what happened?

Oh lord! He’s going to kill me for this. Ok, what happened is that on the fateful day, there wasn’t food in the house. As in, at all. It was the beginning of the new month, & we were planning to shop for food that day. However, I fell ill. I was weak & depressed. The only thing I was thinking about was getting well. & that I was hungry. My husband doesn’t know how to cook, & he is least interested in learning. So, he just planted himself in front of the laptop, occasionally asking me how I was doing. I was hungry, angry & sick, how did he think I would be doing? When he suggested he brought together things for me to drink garri with, I was livid. I just went into the kitchen & heated some packets of Indomie, enough for both of us. And he ate! He ate! I don’t think I said more than ten words to him for the rest of the day. LOL. The next day, even though I wasn’t entirely ok, I made myself get to the market, shopped & then cooked. But, it’s got better. I’ve been on bed-rest for a while now, so he’d had to take his butt to the kitchen. But I make the decision on what is to be eaten, & coax/coach him into warming the food without burning it. Because left to him, we’d be drinking garri & Cerelac, than go through all that trouble.

What will you say about parents making boy child learn how to cook and do other chores in the house?

My sons must cook. Let me repeat it: MY SONS MUST COOK. My MIL just spoilt her sons. None of them cook! MM even takes pride in that. I will excuse him a bit sha, cos in the East, it’s the practice for most family with girls to utterly leave all kitchen duties to the girls. My mom did that with hers too. I have three brothers, only one of them can cook. The other two couldn’t care less. They would rather eat out. My dad cooks though, but it turned out being a negative in my parents’ marriage. Because, every time him & my mom had issues, he’d take up cooking for himself. My mom hated that, so maybe that’s her reason for keeping her sons from the kitchen. Total BS, I say. Too many mothers I know spoil their sons, & they look 4 excuses to make themselves feel better.

Is there any other way, your husband compliment your effort at home?

MM is pretty handy in the house, I must give that to him. Like I said, I’m not very domesticated. House-chores are CHORES. If I can avoid doing them, I would. He makes it easier for me. He cleans, sweeps, dish-washes & dusts. Of course, he messes up the house but he knows how to clean up after himself. Laundry is practically his job. It’s a good thing we live alone; else someone might think I’d turned him into a houseboy.

You were formerly in Abuja and now Lagos, how is life in Lagos so far?

The things we do for love! Before meeting MM, I couldn’t stay in lagos longer than a weekend without wanting to run back to Abuja. When we met, the hope was that he’d get transferred to Abuja, since he used to live there. Up until October, we were still hoping. That’s when his office told him straight up that they weren’t sending him anywhere, clashing our hope. Our wedding was 2 month away, there was nothing we could do but start planning for me to relocate. Our courtship had been long-distance, and we didn’t think it wise to make the marriage long-distance as well, cos a lot of things you get to know about your spouse you can only do so by living with them. & we wanted to know ourselves, through and through. However, moving down here was the hardest thing I could have done. I resigned from a good paying job, gave most of my stuff away, & all my savings went into our marriage. I was in a city I hated, doing a job that was driving me insane, & I was broke. January to March was a pretty tough time in our marriage cos I was whining a lot. I’ve to confess, am not a very pleasant person to live with when I’m unhappy. And I was really unhappy. I know a woman gives up a lot for the sake of her marriage, but I would often wonder if I’d given up much more than I was required. I quit the job last month & things are better. Now, we have to rely on only one income, but it’s all good. Until I start a new job, we’re cutting cost. Plus now that I don’t have to deal with the maddening Lagos traffic, I’m a much happier person. People drive like crazy folks here, mehn! Also, electricity is better at our new apartment than at FESTAC, so at least I worry less about the things in the fridge spoiling.

What is your hope for a new Lagos?

I wish an El-Rufia would come to Lagos. I was in Abuja in 2001, for the first time. I see the difference that man made to the city. I believe that’s what Lagos needs – someone to come change the way they do things here. Maybe it’d be harder, & will definitely take more than 4 years of Fayose’s rule. Maybe even 8 years, cos Lagos is a good example of what several years of bad habits can do to a city. I think the worst attitude I find with those who are so used to Lagos ways, is that they are proud of their bad behaviours! They see it as being street-smart! That just kills me. Still, the governor is setting precedence – that’s highly commendable. If whoever comes after him will keep up with the good job, get people to clean up their individual acts & the understanding of what’s acceptable (behavioral change message no be only for HIV oh), then indeed there is hope. Anything else na just white-wash!

Interview Thursday. "No Woman Should Lose her Identity" Says ALOTED

I called her Ms. Inspiration, Ms. Thorough, Ms. Purpose and Ms. Intelligent..... she is much more. She is blogsville powerful female member. She is ALOTED, the owner of PURPOSE DRIVEN Blog. I am honoured to be interacting with you, my-lady

Who is this Purposeful Woman?

My name is Aloted. I am in my late twenties but I feel younger every year, maybe that's why I look nothing like my age. Some of my hobbies include gisting, chatting online, reading, sleeping and travelling in no particular order. I like meeting new people but sometimes can be shy to make the first move. I also enjoy writing and as a result started blogging in May 2006. I wanted an avenue to express myslef, my purpose, some of my thoughts, my faith and to meet other people. My aim is to be an inspiration to people through my blog which I hope I am.

I am proudly Nigerian. I currently live with my hubby (Baale) in the UK. We were one year old this Monday, and we are looking forward to spending many more beautiful and prosperous years together.

What is Feminism to you?

Ah, StandTall, I am waiting for you to answer that question on your blog (smiles)

I don't think I will consider myself a feminist as such but I believe in the power I have as a woman. God created man and woman as equals, but we certainly have different roles to play. There is no need for a power struggle between women and men because if we look within, we would see that we have a kind of power that men do not have. It is high time we realised what it is. We can multi task, we can birth a vision and see it to its completion, we are intuitive, we are emotional being yet very strong. If there was no woman, the human rce would not exist. Becuase of woman, men and women of great talents have been born into the world. We are selffless; we are fighters- we fight for what belong to us. The list goes on and on

No Woman Should:

• loose her identity (the core essence of who she is) in the name of love or anything else
• think that any man is the solution to her problems. God alone can solve our problems
• think that any man is perfect. Neither are you by the way
• hate on other woman

Every Woman Should Know:

• she is wonderfully and beautifully made and doesn't need the approval of any man to validate herself.
• she can achieve her dreamsIf she can think it, then she can achieve it
• how to manage her finances
• how to experience living life by herself- married or single. If you are lonely before you get married, marriage isn't going to change that

Your blog is "Purpose Driven" as you are a purpose-driven woman, can you give us an insight into this purpose?

First, my purpose is simply to do what is right, be kind to others, and to walk humbly with my God

Second: to support my husband and be his help meet

Third: raise up my children (when they come) in the way of the Lord, so that when they are grown they will not depart from it. If I don't do any other thing right, I pray I succeed in this area

Fourth: to fufil my God's given dreams whcihc includes being a role model to younger women

I cannot say I am there yet as I don't get it right every time but I am on my way to achieving my purpose by His grace. I am learning to enjoy the journey. I am learning from my mistakes and taking each day as it comes

Do you have any female role model? Who is she and how has she in.spired you?

I admire a lot of women but my role model of all times is my mother. I hope to be half the woman my mother is. She has a gentle spirit and this is something I aspire to have, as I don't think Aloted can be termed as gentle as such. She is also wise and patient. I see how she relates with my father and sometimes I wonder why she doesn't argue with him but growing up I have realised that a wise woman knows when to talk and to keep quiet.

In fact I can say my mother "controls" my dad and he doesn't even realise it.

Also my mum is very meek. A lot of people confuse meekness with weakness but I have learnt that when you are meek, you will enjoy peace

What is money to you?

It's funny you ask that question. Most of my friends say I m cautious when it comes to money. This I must say is a trait I picked from my mother. My mother made me realise early in life that you do not always buy something because you want it but because you need it. She taught me not to let money control me. but I should be in control of money.

Now to answer you question, money to me is a defense, a shelter. Having moeny, means a comfortable life and protection against the unexpected. The bible says money answers all things. Therefore money is agood thing and everyone must desire to attain financial freedom. Like the common saying goes-money talks and every thing walks (ok we've all heard all the naughty version of this saying)

The bible also says " the love of money is the root of all evil". A lot of people get it mixed up. It is the LOVE of the money that is bad not the money in itself. People set themselves up over money or have even killed and some are en-slaved to money. This shouldn't be. Being financially empowered means "our money is working for us" and not the other way around. That's where I want to be.

Also our money should be used to bless others around us. Givers never lack.

Does it matter who earn more money in a relationship?

If a man earns more than a woman in the relationship should it matter? I think not. If so, it should not matter if the woman earns more than the man. As long as respect, love, honesty and effective communication exist in a relatioship, they shoudl be good to go

Sadly though, it appears to matter in a lot of relationships. If many couples could adopt the "what's mine is yours" policy then lesser arguments on money would occur. Nevertheless, I think there is a lot of onus on both parties to make it work. For the man, if his partner earns more than him, he should not feel threatened subjected to the attributes I mentioned above. You know how men can be egocentric. And because of his ego palaver, women who ear more than thier partners should take care not to rub it in their men's face. It all boils down to the 4 attributes I have mentioned

In which ways can women contribute to the society?

Hmm, well, I think women an contribute to the society in different ways and I will mention three:

1. Women should learn to be at peace with thier neighbours, not to be backbiters or busybodies. They should aspire to be role models to the younger females. They should be supportive of other women and thier dreams. They should stand up for what they believe and not be intimidated by men
2. Women are mothers, both married and signle should endeavour to train up thier children and bring them up to have good morals and values. Good families make up a good society. Children are the future so when they are brought up right, they (both male and female) can impact thier commnities in positive ways
3. In anything a woman finds her hands to do, be it science, politics, economic, medicine, running her home etc, she should do it wholeheartedly and not for eye service.

Do you believe in training up male children to do domestic chores and what impact do you think this will have in the world?

Yes! I most certainly believe in training up all children - both male and female- to do domestic chores. Another thing I learnt from my mum. She had a roaster and every week each if us (I have a brother) took turns to be responsible for putting water in the fridge, washing the dishes, wshing the car etc. Apart from that, everyone had their portion of seeping to do in the house

It saddens me when I hear that some parents take extra time to train up thier daughters but let thier sons off the hook. No wonder we have so many couch potatoes in the world. They get married and thier wives work all day without any help from them. And they are puzzled why thier wives are grouchy or age fast

Training up male children to help out in the house will definitely have a positive impact. I think males will be more considerate and respectufl to the women they meet. They will not see house work as a woman's job. If they are single, they will be able to clean up after themselves withouth waiting for a girlfriend, sister or their mother. If married, it will be second nature for them to assist thier wives at home, which means having a stress-free happy wife/mother and in turn a happy home. We all know if mummy is happy, everyone in the house is, and if mummy is not happy, God help you if you cross her path

Ghana just got thier first female speaker ever after 51 years of independence; do you think this is a break through for women in leadership?

Most certainly, I do not know how mcuh bout politics but I admire women like Dora Akunyili and the work they do. With stuff like these happening in Ghana and other parts of the world, more women will feel motivated to take up more leadership positions.

What more can women do to be in leadership positions?

Like I mentioned eariler, we women should be faithful in anything we find ourselves doing, that is how we can get to the top. We should work our unique gifts. We should stand up for what we believe. omen should begin/continue to read more books/articles on leadership especially on women that are leaders. They say if you want to hide something from a black man/woman, put it in a book. We can learn a thing or two when we read.

Women should develop and have leadership traits such as honesty, kindness, competency, inspirational, broad-mindednesss, fiar-mindedness, courage, intelligence to name a few

What change do you think will happen when more women are in leadership position in thier soceity?

More women in leadership position would mean that the world had undergone a paradigm shift. It will show that we have grown as a global community and ready for a change. Women will surley be empowered. Women and men can then claim fair share of the challenges and opportunities related to leadership

Are there female bloggers you admire? Can you mention 5 and why you admire them?

I think I am going to to copy Afrobabe on this and cheat. Why? Beacuse there are so many female bloggers I admire but alas I can't mention everyone's name. Please pardon me.

First of all, I admire you StandTall, for the difference you are making on blogsville. You STAND up for what you believe and that is something I deeply admire

Thank you so very much

That;s just jara (extra) and not part of the 5 right? (Smiles)

So here goes:

AbujaMaiden: This is a girl who is walking the narrow path and is not scared to share her belief on abstaining before marriage. You rock girl. To me, you are a real woman and a role model.

Jaycees, Rita and Remi: Gosh, any time I visit their blogs, I either receive a confirmation of what god is telling me, or i leave inspired. Sometimes I am too speechless to comment and all I say is "thank you for the word"

Writefreak, Tyger and Nolimit: Writefreak is my very close friend outside blogsville and i admire her and thankful for our friendship. Tyger is also my person outside blogsville. Nolimit knows me through Baale (Check details on her blog) and we are yet to meet in perosn. Very soon girl! I admire how you both write

Good Nigerian Girl: I adimre how you are very Nigerian yet very Canadian. ( I was going to say English just now lol). I am proud of you for yearning to know more about Yoruba culture. May God provide you a good yoruba man after His heart according to His will for you

Vera Ezimora: You are in a world/class of your own. You amaze and amuse me. You are too much...you rock blogsville!

Madam Standtall, I am grateful for this opportunity to be interviewed by you. In fact, I am flabberwhelmed and overgasted. Well done with the work you are doing. God bless you!

Thanks for murdering English (lol). The pleasure is completely mine. I am honoured to have you accept.