Interview Thursday: The 3rd Male Guest; "The roles of our fathers in shaping our lives ... are important" DOUG

He is HOT, he is a DUDE and he's definitely visionary. I often wonder how he gets toconstruct his wonderful and meaningful grammars! He is a walking vocabulary. If you don't believe me, check out his reflecting blog. My paddi (friend) Doug, has this space to share his brilliant views.

What kind of a blogger is Doug?

Ummm…I guess more than most, my personality comes through strongly in my blogging and even in the comments I leave on other blogs (Buttercup can attest to that…hehe). I’d say that I’m just a blogger dude who’s grateful for having the cyber real estate to let out his eccentricities. One bighead, genius friend of mine said he liked the “everyday zeitgeist roll of my blog”. I responded with a protracted “mmmm” and an attempt to appear quite profound – several months later I still haven’t the faintest what in God’s name he was on about.

How did you come about blogging?

Hmm…my experience with blogging has been rather interesting. A blogger called lareine and I had a mutual friend whom lareine had been badgering to start a blog. I saw her do it, tried my hand at it and, to be honest, I absolutely sucked the first YEAR or so! I sucked so bad that I took off for about six months, and only did a post every blue moon (with long absences) till a few months ago when I started seriously doing blog rounds and discovered some of the smartest and most intriguing people I have ever rubbed minds with. It inspired me to blog more consistently.

What do you think of the blogging community?

I think it’s a very intriguing community. A wonderful mix of egg-heads, activists, amateur philosophers, poets, party animals and so on. On the down side, there’s nothing altogether terrible about blogsville apart from the periodic plague of love-sickness, the odd heartbreak or two and the ensuing flurry of “men are evil” posts…but that’s everywhere in real life too no? So blogsville is awesome jo! [giggle]

Do you think blogging has had a good impact in human relationship and adventures?

Oh certainly. The interesting thing about blogging, particularly for anonymous bloggers, is that the connections you make with people are usually mental. You understand, sympathize, agree and disagree with them without having even seen them and so when a bond is formed it tends to be of a deeper, more meaningful kind than is formed from say, exchanging risqué pictures on facebook. Not that I would know anything about doing a thing so preposterous mind you…[ahem]. But basically, blogging builds communities largely on commonality of thought, and I think that to be much loftier than the approaches of most other social networking applications like [yaaaaaawn] facebook.

In our brief past chat, you had mentioned your vision to make a change in the world, can you share that vision with us?

Ummm…That’s a rather long topic but I’ll try to make it quick. I’ve had this idea for a while that much of the problem with society is connected with ineffective (or an absence of) fatherhood, and the miseducated men this produces. The role of our fathers in shaping our lives as men and, more importantly, our perception of the world and other people, is intrinsic to the proper harmony of the larger society and it’s a shame that so many men take this so lightly.

God gives us these strapping little sons to mentor for 20 odd years and we make a right mess of it and unleash them on society, and what’s the result? The deep-rooted lack of honesty in so many Nigerian men, the pervasive sexism in our society, the myriad broken homes and the mixed-up children they produce (of which I am one), and the innumerable ‘unavailable men’ as funms so frequently puts it.

Anyway my idea is a coaching camp that takes young men, fathered and fatherless, and provides mentorship and healthy education to them from childhood to adulthood. Much of it is going to be rooted in Christian doctrine. We’ll do volunteer work both within and outside the country to instill a sense of service and justice in the boys etc etc. It’s quite an elaborate idea but I think you should get the idea now.

Also I have a strong passion for the empowerment of uneducated, rural women. It started years back when I was a kid and watched a documentary about female circumcision and a host of other barbaric injustices against women in several parts of the world. There was this one where an Arab woman was screaming from labour pains and her husband refused to let her doctor see her. Those documentaries left a strong impression on me.

Last but definitely not least, I have a fanatical zeal for social change in Nigeria. Naija for life!!!!!!!!!!!!

When will these visions be actualized?

Haven’t you heard? Doug for President! Vision 2023!

Well actually I have done voluntary work with NGOs, crusade teams and civil rights groups in the past but lost steam a couple of years back. I’m getting back on track now though so I guess the time to start is NOW!!!! Actualization, I think, will rather than an event, be a sustained process.

Women make the world go round, can you mention 5 female bloggers you admire and why?

This is such a setup!!! 80% of Nigerian blogsville is female and so almost all my blogger friends are female. And there are soooo many awesome ones amongst them, and now I’m to mention 5! Mscheeeeew! Before I begin let me state, in anticipation of a potential war of words from one person who will not appear on this list, that I admire many female bloggers for many reasons, some of a rather personal or intimate nature. Others I have almost no relationship with but have a deep respect for their thoughts and values. This latter group is where I will pick my five from (the only exception being Standtall). This is not to say that the other group doesn’t….oh what the heck, if it offends you, good luck trying to box my ears...mscheeew!!!...

Standtall – She’s a doer. She believes in women and she spends much of her life doing something about it. It’s truly admirable the amount of effort she puts into her crusade and she’s helped me develop a better understanding of feminist thought. I even went through the trouble of reading about the subject because of her.

NDQ – She’s a girl with a keen intelligence and some lofty ideas who has that ever so admirable desire to come and do something about her country. She was one of those bloggers who inspired me to be a more consistent blogger. Unfortunately she’s gone. Won’t you consider coming back NDQ?

Funms – She’s probably the most philosophical of my circle of blogger acquaintances. She thinks so deeply about the things she writes about…and most of all she into I.T. How cool is that???!!!

Jaycee – I always come away from her blog with the impression of having conversed with a deeply reverent disciple of Christ’s. It has to be incredibly difficult coming up with the blogposts that Jaycee writes. If she is, in person, anything like the picture her words paint then she’s a truly remarkable person.

Solomonsydelle – In the case of this extraordinary woman there is really no point ‘taking sand to the beach’ as they say. One word is enough – A-W-E-S-O-M-E!

What do you think a relationship should be all about?

Ah yes…we come to the relationship question. Interestingly a number of people have asked me this question in the past few weeks. Does it mean I shall soon be rescued from the curse of fast food (I hope this doesn’t offend your feminist sensibilities Standtall)?

Anyway, a relationship should be about oneness of purpose, principles and perhaps goals. It should be about mutual gain, mutual interest, and a concerted pursuit of mutual understanding, happiness and peace. It should only be entered into with someone whom one would not be averse to committing one’s life to. Yes you heard me right, if I cannot bear to be married to you, I won’t date you since my faith does not permit me to have casual sex with you anyway.

A relationship should mean that I have someone who can give me a leg up when I’m tired (as I would her). It should mean that I finally have someone I can trust, and don’t have to be so guarded anymore. Most importantly, I should not need to ‘complete’ anyone. If you ‘can’t live’ without me, then we very likely can’t live together.

Much of what I have said might be wrong, but I’ve seen the converse of them all around me, and it has not been the most inspiring sight.

Should a man be the only one calling the shots in a relationship?

Definitely not! Let me put it this way, if only one party calls the shots in a relationship, then one party can be done away with. There’s nothing like a Redbull and a confident woman to make my day [hehe]

What does religion mean to you?

God has been so much to me for the vast majority of my life. I’m rather lukewarm now, but I grew up having a strong faith in God and did a lot of missionary work adolescence till I was about 21. Yes now you know I’m older than 21. Seriously though, Christian values have been a great bedrock for many of my choices and enterprises in life. I always say that if I die and find that all of it has been a lie, I will still have gained much from living the Christian life.

And with these few points of mine, I hope I have been able to convince you (and not to confuse you) that Chelsea is the team of great people.

Hmmmm, thanks for these wonderful and great insights to everything Doug. We are not confused but Liverpool is the team (lol)

Interview Thursday. Insight into Afrobabe's thinking

She is SMART, she is Liberal, She is a sexologist (lol) and she is down to Earth. Articulate AFROBABE is sharing with us this Thursday. Standing ovation everyone!

Your blog shows a lot of sex images but you do write about different issues. What I will like to know is if your blog is a SEX blog? If it's not, what exactly does Afrobabe intend her blog to be?

Hmmm tough one, I don't know if I can honestly answer this question because Afrobabe herself doesn't know.

I started the blog at a time when I was in between relationships and trying to get back into the dating stream. It was initially titled "The story of an African girl in search of love" and featured the men I went on dates with. Well, that didn't bode too well as a guy I seriously liked found the blog and stopped seeing me because he didn't want to be a story. He felt my story would be one sided and people wouldn't know what motivated any actions I wrote about…That hurt a lot because I actually liked him and I changed it to "The story of an African girl" and just talked about anything humorous. Funny enough he sent me an email recently after about a year of silence saying he was beginning to see blogging in a different light… No, I didn't reply him, couldn't give him the opportunity to hurt me that much again...

The pictures, I just like naughty pictures and felt my blog was a way to always have them where I could see them rather than search through them in my inbox and to my great surprise I found out I wasn't the only one with strange tastes out there… Loads of freaky people!!!

Did I answer the question??? Don't think so…errrmmm NO, I wouldn't say my blog is a sex blog. That said, I do seem to mention sex a lot. Maybe we can call it a shagged up blog!!!

How do you get all the erotic pictures for your blog? Are they made specially for Afrobabe?

LMAO….No, the pictures are not made specially for me. I initially got them from emails that friends forwarded then when I started the blog I would search for them online and now I have about a million unused ones sent to me by people who read my blog.

From the comments have seen you posted on other people's blogs, you sound to me like a liberal and pratical person. Am I right? Who is Afrobabe?

Afrobabe at a glance is a casual smart person, the type you meet on braids and jeans and teeshirt or on corporate attire. Meeting me you would never guess I was Afrobabe….I am liberal minded, If you want to be a single mother it's all good to me, if you want to be gay it's a way of life. I believe people have the right to be who they want to be.

Practical and impulsive is what I would describe myself as. I don't sit around debating how good an idea is before doing something…Most often I do it then realise its not a good idea but at least I tried….

Can you let us into your future ambition and what you do at the moment?

At the moment I am a Business risk analyst and up to about a month ago I was the head of risk in the firm I worked with, went on an unplanned vacation and met a termination letter for breach of contract on my return…lol…At first I was confused but then confused doesn't pay the bills so I quickly started learning how to trade on forex, (Foreign exchange market) I have now doubled my initial capital in the space of 2 weeks. My future ambition is to sit back and travel the world while my money works for me. Hopefully forex is the way forward.

It was a general belief that Nigerians are the worst criminals in the word, what's your take? How can you describe Nigerian both home and in the diaspora?

Working in business risk has brought that fact home. My job involved dealing with money in and money out of accounts, I would check the source the money came from and where it was being withdrawn to. I.e. why is Mr Smith depositing his account with a credit card in Miss Jane's name and then trying to withdraw it immediately through a cheque. I would freeze the account and demand ID for both Mr Smith and Miss Jane before any other movement. Trust me, 50% of the fraud we were able to stop was perpetuated by Nigerians 30% by women with Nigerian boyfriends or husbands. It got so bad that I unconsciously flagged any account that had a Nigerian name on it. This included email address with names such as femo@something.com

My take on it is that we the innocent are paying for that view big time.

How do you see Nigeria as a country and its people?
Nigeria to me is and will always be home, I am still looking for the foreign man I intend to marry and take back home with me. Hope it works…Nigeria is a place where there is nothing like fake documents, all documents are legit. Nigeria in my mind is the bar beach, suya, Gordon spark, elegant native dresses, men who respect women, men with a vision and focus, A place where the community raises the children, it is sweet sensation and Mr Bigs. A place where one cannot be lonely and the people are nosy…in a good way, well until they tell your parents they saw you kissing some guy!!!

Nigeria is a lovely place ruled by a bunch of jackasses. The people are friendly and happy despite all obstacles placed in their way.

Women have being stereotyped in so many negative ways? Do you think these stereotypes are justified?

I believe we have brought this on our selves…me inclusive. You wouldn't exactly blame anyone for calling me a sex addict after reading my blog would you? On one hand I am saying take me serious and on the other hand all my blog seems to pass across is sex! Maybe we should try more to be who we are and show our convictions as forcefully as possible, as women of virtue. That is the one great thing I admire in Jaycee and Uzezi

Hmmm, I will sure not find it funny if you were called a sex addict because of your blog. That will be so judgemental. I don't believe women brought this stereotypes on themselves. This will be a discussion for another day

Gender discriminations have affected a lot of women from being the best they can be, how can we avert this situation?

I think we women have a big role to play in this. When we stop seeing ourselves as a weaker sex then and only then can we stand up and take our rightful places in the society. Let no one tell you that you can't buy that particular car or work as an engineer or some other silly thing just because you are a woman. I once saw a woman mechanic being interviewed on Newsline back in the days in Lagos and I remembered the immense pride I felt. I remember my dad laughing at her and me thinking…but she is very courageous to do what she actually loves doing.

I know her story Sandra Aguebor. She has trained a lot of lady-mechanics. MTN sponsored her at some point to train more women.

Can you name 5 female bloggers you admire and why?

This is a hard one as there are so many female bloggers that I absolutely love to death but I'll try.

1. Guerreiranigeriana and Parakeet :Their writings make you wonder at things we have come to take as the norm, they make you think, make you wish you could do something about a certain situation. I call them thinking bloggers.

2. Solomonsydelle: Any woman who can manage three active children and still worry about the state of the nation demands admiration.

3.Vera Ezimora and Shubby Doo:For the sheer fact that even though they try to cover how smart they are by writing about everyday humour they still manage to make you wish you had written that or at least though about it!

4. Badderchic, Shonavixen and Ibiluv: Because they have the courage to be bad without caring about being stereotyped.

5. Fantasyqueen, NigerianDramaQueen, Smaragd and bumight:They make me wish I was a girl and could start all over again.

Na 5 be that abi?

No, this is called 5 in 10 (lol)

Where in heaven's name do I put all the great women I have met here???

Standtall only asked for 5 na? Sorry o

What can we look forward to in blogsphere as far as Afrobabe is concerned?

Afrobabe will try her best to remain herself, I will continue to blog according to my mood. Who knows, I might one day start talking about the state of the economy and the way forward and I may one day know who they are talking about when they mention Ribadu or know the states and capitals of Nigeria, I might even become an activist like you and start doing good deeds!!!