My aspiration is to be one of the builders of a world of equality, a world where diversity is respected and value for people's lives is paramount. A world where religion and culture are not used as weapons of dispute and destruction, where leaders serve and not steal, where everyone does not pretend to love each other but does so straight from the heart.
I am loving this song because of the determination to put behind what is not working. I am dedicating this to all my ladies that have decided to free themselves from draining, unhappy and wrong relationships and taking charge of thier lives...
They are the duo admired by all, run and maintains a blog as a friend and as a lover. They are the inseparable love of blogsville/blogsphere. They are the inspiration of true love and friendship. I present with joy in my heart our dearest Buttercup and Chari!
I like about Buttercup, her ability to be friendly and kind to everyone even as we all meet online, how do you do this?
BUTTERCUP: LOL. There's no 'way' I do this. It really just comes naturally. I treat people how I want to be treated and in most cases, the treatment gets reciprocated. :)
Does this say anything about Buttercup Personality?
BUTTERCUP: Yes, it does. Buttercup on blogville is Buttercup in reality..much more quiet and shy though..lol..
How does this personality add to your relationship with Chari?
BUTTERCUP: I think it makes it quite easy for him to relate to and talk to me about anything. I can't speak for him but I want to believe I'm very approachable and quite the listener too..lol..
Can you give insight into who Chari is?
BUTTERCUP: Hmm..where do I start? What struck me first about Chari was his charm. One can't help but respond and be drawn to him. He's very witty, intelligent, focused and driven. He just makes me want to do more. Chari has a way of making a person feel very much at ease; you won't realize when you start pouring out to him everything you thought was dead and buried. He's the sweetest guy I know, gosh..you really don't want me getting mushy here..lol. He makes me feel like the most beautiful and intelligent woman. He's very protective of those he holds dear. In summary, he's a very wonderful young man who has the brightest future I can see. :D
Chari, can you say a few things you admire about Buttercup?
CHARI: *sigh...I admire her ability to be trusting and understanding. Its something I admire and sometimes it scares as well as challenges me to have more faith in people despite my experiences [hello anyone? I grew in Lagos; Center for Mago-mago]
Your relationship is long distance, how are you both coping?
CHARI: Dang...like Brandy said..this long distance is killing...but hey each day is a struggle...Its hard most of the time, especially when you're an agony uncle to your friends who have petty fights with their bfs when all you wana do is just to have the pleasure of holding the one you and crave for. There are nights when I sleep fitfully cuz I feel I would sleep better with her warm body next to me. I get called a fool often, cuz unilag people can hardly phantom that you would want to stay committed to someone who's miles away. But, through it all we remain strong TOGETHER. We help each other up and encourage ourselves with a promise of a future together.
Can we expect this to lead to Marriage?
CHARI: Sincerely, I really can't imagine being with anyone else...so yeah God willing yeah...Free Aso Ebi for you, for asking...
Well, I am loving this relationship but I will like to ask an odd question, will it be easy for both of you to be back as friends if this doesn't work? Buttercup? Chari?
BUTTERCUP: I've thought about this often. I know it would be utterly difficult in the early stages. I might have to totally refrain from talking to and seeing him for months but I think it could be possible to go back to being just best friends..I'd just have to make sure he never tells me about any girl he's developing an interest in..lol!
CHARI: Would it? hmmn...I don't see any reason why not seeing as she was first my best friend before she became my lover. I can't deny that it would not hurt having her with someone else [the though itself gaan hurts] as far as we have come but I'd suck it in like a man.
Chari, you organised SBR 2008, what inspired you and are we looking forward to another one in 2009?
CHARI: LOL...Mehn...all props to Princesa ..cuz the truth is: I am more of a conceptualizing person and less of a planner so yeah...she did most if not all masef the planning...2009? who knows? maybe!
What can Buttercup say about the blogsville/blogpshere and it's people?
BUTTERCUP: Hmm don't get me started on this incredibly awesome place called blogville! I've come across the funniest, sweetest and most intelligent people here. I've read numerous posts that have made me smile, laugh and cry. I've learned so much from a lot of bloggers. I've even gotten spiritual help here too. I've read a lot of posts I can personally relate to and it feels very good knowing that I'm not alone in some particular situations. It feels like one huge family here..I can safely call it home. :)
She is single, she is smart, she lives in London and works as a Compliance Consultant with a degree in Media and Advertising. A lady that grew up in multiple cities in Nigeria namely Benin, Ijebu-ode and Ibadan. She is 26 and from a family of 4 with a deceased father, most wonderful mother and loveliest brother. My lady enjoyssurfing the net, writing meaningless nothings and going dancing. And the first time I was on her blog I was like waoh this lady sounds so true... Welcome on Interview Thursday my lady PARAKEET!
I always respect your stand on issues especially when it has to do with the rights of women. Can you share with us your experience with women's human rights issues?
Aww…thanks. I actually never saw myself as a great defender of women’s right but I certainly know that I hate injustice. I don’t see why a man can do something but a woman is prohibited from doing that same thing. I understand that perhaps due to our anatomy it may be wise for women not to do certain things, but where a woman has expressed interest in such things then she should be accommodated and helped to achieve her dreams. I’m particularly saddened about the state of women right issues in Nigeria where women’s growth and independence are continually been stifled by men who feel they are not intelligent, strong or qualified enough. Even in this country I see many of my colleagues who has had to forfeit a promotion or take a pay cut just because they had taken time out to have babies. Even in my former place, I had to take a lesser pay increase than my colleague who happened to be a man. This was someone that joined the company at least 6 months after me and I trained him to do his job. But when it came to the end of the year management somehow felt he deserved a huge pay rise than I did and I knew for sure that the quality of his work wasn’t better than mine. The human right issues that women face are of course not limited to the above, they are enormous and need urgent tackling.
Have you had to advocate for rights issues when it comes to women and what was it all about?
I have actually never been involved directly in any advocacy well other than the odd petitions here and there to No 10. Sometimes you get this circular a going round asking you to sign a petition to grant women longer paid maternity leave. I’m glad one of such ones that was emailed to me and I signed was actually ratified into law last October in the UK.
What does feminism mean to you?
Hmm this is a tough one. For me feminism is broad and it involves those everyday little things that you do as a woman. For instance when it comes to the issue of equality with men, I feel sometimes people maybe misled into believing it is the same thing as rights. All human beings are equal, but we’re all different social animals and whether we like it or not our social roles are different. The family unit is a very important part of any society and when it comes to this women must accept their husbands' leadership. Things just work better when one person captains the ship instead of having two authorities at loggerheads. Accepting your husband's leadership does not make you less equal or less intelligent, as a matter of fact "uneasy lies the head that wears the crown" and from experience having a leader at home is always advisable. However when we take this outside of the home it’s is a different ball game. Feminism to me is the ability for me to decide not to shave my legs and I’m taken as me rather than being judged on the basis of my unshaved legs.
Have you had to be viewed in a negative light because you are a feminist?
I guess one of the major draw backs for me when it comes to holding down a relationship is the fact that men are quick to call me a feminist or they say I’m too independent and therefore they find me intimidating. Which is total bollocks if you ask me. I will never challenge your authority but I will challenge your views and opinion while ensuring that I don’t impress mine upon you. I’ll just state my case and leave the rest and if you cant deal with it tough!
Mention 5 reasons you will not marry for.
I will not get married for the sake of getting married, to please anyone, for money, to do whatmy peers are doing or to feel fulfilled in life.
Mention 5 reasons you will marry for .
I will marry for love most importantly. I will marry if I am convinced the man is good for me and will add value to my life and for procreation. I think those are the only reasons I will get married. I am not going to get married if I don’t love the man or if he’s not good for me. Making do is not my thing as I don’t know anywhere in the bible where it says I MUST marry as a Christian. If I think of anymore reasons I’ll let you know (laughs)
What do sacrifice and compromise mean to you?
Hmm… I think it’s all about filling in the gaps here and there to make sure everyone is happy. Well everyone cant be happy all of the time but you must get to the point where you feel satisfied with the effort you’ve made. You may like tall and slim guys but meat a short guy who ticks most of the other boxes then compromise will work perfectly here because you could never find anyone who ticks all the boxes. You may want to get married next year but your man may want to get a masters to increase his earnings and channel his finances to that first. That is sacrifice. It all makes it worth it in the end if you’re dealing with someone with a good head on their shoulders and with the fear of God in them.
Are these 2 ingredients needed to make a relationship or marriage work?
Oh yea massively important and in other aspects of one’s life too when dealing with family, friends and colleagues. I mean we can't always have things we want when and how we want them so compromise and sacrifice is what is going to see you through at those crucial times.
Does it have to be the woman that makes all the sacrifices like giving up her career or any other thing that matters?
If you are involved with a man who expects you to make all the sacrifices and compromises all of the time run for your dear life! You relationship/marriage is a partnership, just because you come together to plan your life with someone doesn’t mean you have to forfeit your own personal goals and desires. You may tailor them to size and to sync with the other person, but the moment you give them up totally then you do not have a life anymore. Now that’s a rather sad place to be in life and I don’t wish it for my enemy let alone any woman.
Where can we expect to find Parakeet in the next 5 years?
Parakeet doesn’t plan that far ahead. I work with short term goals and what I call loose long term plans. In 5 years I’d say I’d like to have been in the career of my choice, be happy in a relationship or marriage with a gorgeous man, maybe have the pitter patter of feet around the house, have my extended family more united and be an ambassador for God’s kingdom. But these are all loose long term plans which may or may not happen because my experiences before then may have altered the course of my goals and desires.
Thanks for your time and these wonderful Insights into Parakeet's thoughts and life.
He is HOT, he is a DUDE and he's definitely visionary. I often wonder how he gets toconstruct his wonderful and meaningful grammars! He is a walking vocabulary. If you don't believe me, check out his reflecting blog. My paddi (friend) Doug, has this space to share his brilliant views.
What kind of a blogger is Doug?
Ummm…I guess more than most, my personality comes through strongly in my blogging and even in the comments I leave on other blogs (Buttercup can attest to that…hehe). I’d say that I’m just a blogger dude who’s grateful for having the cyber real estate to let out his eccentricities. One bighead, genius friend of mine said he liked the “everyday zeitgeist roll of my blog”. I responded with a protracted “mmmm” and an attempt to appear quite profound – several months later I still haven’t the faintest what in God’s name he was on about.
How did you come about blogging?
Hmm…my experience with blogging has been rather interesting. A blogger called lareine and I had a mutual friend whom lareine had been badgering to start a blog. I saw her do it, tried my hand at it and, to be honest, I absolutely sucked the first YEAR or so! I sucked so bad that I took off for about six months, and only did a post every blue moon (with long absences) till a few months ago when I started seriously doing blog rounds and discovered some of the smartest and most intriguing people I have ever rubbed minds with. It inspired me to blog more consistently.
What do you think of the blogging community?
I think it’s a very intriguing community. A wonderful mix of egg-heads, activists, amateur philosophers, poets, party animals and so on. On the down side, there’s nothing altogether terrible about blogsville apart from the periodic plague of love-sickness, the odd heartbreak or two and the ensuing flurry of “men are evil” posts…but that’s everywhere in real life too no? So blogsville is awesome jo! [giggle]
Do you think blogging has had a good impact in human relationship and adventures?
In our brief past chat, you had mentioned your vision to make a change in the world, can you share that vision with us?
Ummm…That’s a rather long topic but I’ll try to make it quick. I’ve had this idea for a while that much of the problem with society is connected with ineffective (or an absence of) fatherhood, and the miseducated men this produces. The role of our fathers in shaping our lives as men and, more importantly, our perception of the world and other people, is intrinsic to the proper harmony of the larger society and it’s a shame that so many men take this so lightly.
God gives us these strapping little sons to mentor for 20 odd years and we make a right mess of it and unleash them on society, and what’s the result? The deep-rooted lack of honesty in so many Nigerian men, the pervasive sexism in our society, the myriad broken homes and the mixed-up children they produce (of which I am one), and the innumerable ‘unavailable men’ as funms so frequently puts it.
Anyway my idea is a coaching camp that takes young men, fathered and fatherless, and provides mentorship and healthy education to them from childhood to adulthood. Much of it is going to be rooted in Christian doctrine. We’ll do volunteer work both within and outside the country to instill a sense of service and justice in the boys etc etc. It’s quite an elaborate idea but I think you should get the idea now.
Also I have a strong passion for the empowerment of uneducated, rural women. It started years back when I was a kid and watched a documentary about female circumcision and a host of other barbaric injustices against women in several parts of the world. There was this one where an Arab woman was screaming from labour pains and her husband refused to let her doctor see her. Those documentaries left a strong impression on me.
Last but definitely not least, I have a fanatical zeal for social change in Nigeria. Naija for life!!!!!!!!!!!!
When will these visions be actualized?
Haven’t you heard? Doug for President! Vision 2023!
Well actually I have done voluntary work with NGOs, crusade teams and civil rights groups in the past but lost steam a couple of years back. I’m getting back on track now though so I guess the time to start is NOW!!!! Actualization, I think, will rather than an event, be a sustained process.
Women make the world go round, can you mention 5 female bloggers you admire and why?
This is such a setup!!! 80% of Nigerian blogsville is female and so almost all my blogger friends are female. And there are soooo many awesome ones amongst them, and now I’m to mention 5! Mscheeeeew! Before I begin let me state, in anticipation of a potential war of words from one person who will not appear on this list, that I admire many female bloggers for many reasons, some of a rather personal or intimate nature. Others I have almost no relationship with but have a deep respect for their thoughts and values. This latter group is where I will pick my five from (the only exception being Standtall). This is not to say that the other group doesn’t….oh what the heck, if it offends you, good luck trying to box my ears...mscheeew!!!...
Standtall – She’s a doer. She believes in women and she spends much of her life doing something about it. It’s truly admirable the amount of effort she puts into her crusade and she’s helped me develop a better understanding of feminist thought. I even went through the trouble of reading about the subject because of her.
NDQ– She’s a girl with a keen intelligence and some lofty ideas who has that ever so admirable desire to come and do something about her country. She was one of those bloggers who inspired me to be a more consistent blogger. Unfortunately she’s gone. Won’t you consider coming back NDQ?
Funms – She’s probably the most philosophical of my circle of blogger acquaintances. She thinks so deeply about the things she writes about…and most of all she into I.T. How cool is that???!!!
Jaycee– I always come away from her blog with the impression of having conversed with a deeply reverent disciple of Christ’s. It has to be incredibly difficult coming up with the blogposts that Jaycee writes. If she is, in person, anything like the picture her words paint then she’s a truly remarkable person.
Solomonsydelle – In the case of this extraordinary woman there is really no point ‘taking sand to the beach’ as they say. One word is enough – A-W-E-S-O-M-E!
What do you think a relationship should be all about?
Ah yes…we come to the relationship question. Interestingly a number of people have asked me this question in the past few weeks. Does it mean I shall soon be rescued from the curse of fast food (I hope this doesn’t offend your feminist sensibilities Standtall)?
Anyway, a relationship should be about oneness of purpose, principles and perhaps goals. It should be about mutual gain, mutual interest, and a concerted pursuit of mutual understanding, happiness and peace. It should only be entered into with someone whom one would not be averse to committing one’s life to. Yes you heard me right, if I cannot bear to be married to you, I won’t date you since my faith does not permit me to have casual sex with you anyway.
A relationship should mean that I have someone who can give me a leg up when I’m tired (as I would her). It should mean that I finally have someone I can trust, and don’t have to be so guarded anymore. Most importantly, I should not need to ‘complete’ anyone. If you ‘can’t live’ without me, then we very likely can’t live together.
Much of what I have said might be wrong, but I’ve seen the converse of them all around me, and it has not been the most inspiring sight.
Should a man be the only one calling the shots in a relationship?
Definitely not! Let me put it this way, if only one party calls the shots in a relationship, then one party can be done away with. There’s nothing like a Redbull and a confident woman to make my day [hehe]
What does religion mean to you?
God has been so much to me for the vast majority of my life. I’m rather lukewarm now, but I grew up having a strong faith in God and did a lot of missionary work adolescence till I was about 21. Yes now you know I’m older than 21. Seriously though, Christian values have been a great bedrock for many of my choices and enterprises in life. I always say that if I die and find that all of it has been a lie, I will still have gained much from living the Christian life.
And with these few points of mine, I hope I have been able to convince you (and not to confuse you) that Chelsea is the team of great people.
Hmmmm, thanks for these wonderful and great insights to everything Doug. We are not confused but Liverpool is the team (lol)
I got this through yahoo Personals and I thought it would be great if I share it
The Signs Are All Around You
By Special to Yahoo! PersonalsUpdated: May 20, 2008
Here are the dozen indicators:
In my line of work -- family law -- I often hear the same old refrain when my client explains to me why they split from their significant other. It goes like this, "I guess I didn't really know my partner after all." You might ask, "How could that be?" How could you have an intimate relationship with someone only to wake up one day to find out that the person you fell in love with is not the person they turned out to be?
I believe there are at least a dozen ways to know who someone really is -- indicators -- and if we do an inventory early on, we might stand a better chance of getting to know the real person before we fully commit. The following "observance" suggestions are important ones to make in the early stages of any relationship because each offers insight into habits, patterns, and behaviors. As you ponder these observations, know that there is no right or wrong; it's a matter of acceptance. Sometimes we have to accept quirks and differences as part of the give-and-take process. As you do your assessment, however, the goal is to decide whether or not you can live with or without your real partner.
1. Protocol: First or Second? Whether it's walking through a door, ordering dinner, or taking a bite out of the freshly baked cookies you have made together, if your partner always have to go first this could indicate self- centeredness. Are you willing to always be the giver?
2. Politics: Liberal or Conservative? How your partner views what is right or wrong in a political sense tells you a lot about his deep inner beliefs about society, and ultimately, the way he will approach your relationship issues. Will his views cause a rift in your relationship?
3. Television: Sitcoms or News? If his tendency is to watch "escape" TV programs versus "newsy/event" oriented ones, you can learn a lot about one's intellect. Do you want a mate who can keep up with your every day interest in what is going on in the world or a person you can run away with to avoid the world we live in?
4. Money: Flash or Stash? If your partner throws money around while dating, he might well be reckless with your joint finances when you move in together. Do you want to hook up with a tightwad or splurger?
5. Stress: Freak or Peak?Under Pressure, does he go to pieces or rise to the top of his game? If the answer is the former, every minor incident in your relationship might become a crisis. Do you like a lot of drama?
6. Conversation: About You or Him? As you first get to know each other does he always talk about himself first or you? If he is usually the topic priority do not expect that to change. Can you subordinate yourself to the world revolving around him?
7. Pets: Warm or Aloof? Believe it or not, the way in which he treats animals will not be dissimilar to how he treats your children. How do you want him to treat your loved ones?
8. Communication: Listens or Ignores? If you have something you want to talk about and he tunes you out as a general rule, can you cope?
9. Strangers: Kind or Rude? How he treats those they do not know (waiters, grocery clerks) often reflects on how he will treat people in general, including you, shortly after the glow wears off.
10. Priorities: Family or Work? You can tell almost immediately where a person's preferences lie in terms of what comes first (a family member's illness or a business trip) by the choices he makes when faced with an "either/or" situation. Do you care if he leaves on the next plane to present the such-and-such report if you or the kids have pneumonia?
11. Appearance: Fat or Fit?How he regards his appearance screams loudly about his sense of self-esteem. Those who eat sensibly, workout reasonably, and who take pride in their appearance are the ones who have a great sense of self. Does he really have self-confidence or might it be a front?
12. Faith: Strong or Weak?If you want a peak at his soul, learn more about his spirituality, or lack of it. What a person believes deep down is often what shapes the way in which they conduct their day-to-day affairs. What is your mate's "words to live by?"
