Even though I don't directly deal with Domestic violence issues like organisations such as Baobab for Women's Human Rights and Project Alert on violence Against Women in Nigeria that do not only provide legal services for the victims but also counselling, mediation or shelter as the case may be, I still get to refer people or give links to vicitms friends and family via emails, phone calls or social media. My referral role is getting on the increase to my surprise. Does this mean many women are increasingly getting abused in their relationships or they or their family are just getting hold of help links like this?
I won't get into the unprofessional habit of divulging people's secret or identity since I didn't ask their permission but I will say on the safer side that some of the cases that I have had to refer are so pathetic! Some of the victims of spousal abuse have being enduring this act of destruction to their health and being for many years. They only get to seek help when this is about to claim their lives. Some of these victims can be counted lucky that they did not lose their lives while hoping their husbands will change or while hoping they made the right decision by waiting to take care of thier children in this abusive settings.
A banker, Titilayo Arowolo was killed on the 24th of June, 2011. Titilayo was stabbed 20 times according to the report and she was also hit by a sledge hammer. Her internal organs were found on the floor and her husband was suspected to have killed her. Some say for ritual or was a spiritual attack of which blogger Anna Wunmi Fani responded 'Hmmm, spiritual attack???!!!!! Everything in naija is related to spiritual attack. When will people start owning their bullshit and stop blaming the devil for their actions. We need to start equipping women with tools on how to deal with domestic abuse, both physical and mental. It is NOT OK for a man to hit a woman. Only a spineless, despicable coward hits women!' What was so interesting about this story was the fact that Akolade Arowolo and wife had being having issues in the past to the knowledge of Titilayo's and Akolade' families but nothing critical was done!
It is rather of importance to keep one's life and protect oneself from abuse and violence than keep a marriage or relationship that will take one's life. As suggested by the executive Director of Kudirat Initiative for Democracy (KIND), Amy Oyekunle, it is time to go on the campaign offensive that lives can be lost to domestic violence and to provide information to women or men that might be enduring such act of violence. Really, won't it make sense for victims of domestic violence to first run for their lives and then decide where to go from there? The Domestic violence Bill ( the Violence Against Persons (Prohibition) Bill) has being passed in Lagos but never at the Federal level. Since we have to be our own watch -dog and protector before seeking state help or asking a third party to help, we need to take a solid protective stand and run for our dear lives instead of enduring domestic abuse/violence.
N: B - the above image is from Tess Wigwe's case
