African Leadership Centre Public Lecture, Nairobi

Africa Leadership Centre Public event on the 24th of June at the University of Nairobi where real issues on Global Militarism and the Resilience of Women in Africa will be discussed by no other than the erudite, Prof. Amina Mama; the director of Women and Gender Studies, University of California. Be there

 

The Last Moment of Wangari Maathai

On Mon, 11/7/11, Njeri Mbire wrote:
Maathai is driven to her final admission at Nairobi Hospital. She explains her diagnosis to doctors at the facility. Her condition has reached what doctors call Metastic level – that is has spread beyond the ovaries to other critical body organs including the liver and is spreading fast.

She is complaining of abdominal swelling, pain and abnormal bleeding. She is weak. The focused Nobel Peace Prize winner is admitted to Pioneer ward – a ward next to both the High Dependency Unit (HDU) and Intensive Care Unit (ICU). Things are getting out of proportion. Top cancer surgeons have gathered to deal with the urgent case.

By default, she chooses not to get the pleasures of the posh North Wing like most of the privileged class would do. Former President Daniel arap Moi, Prime Minister Raila Odinga, President Mwai Kibaki, Makadara MP Michael Mbuvi among others have always enjoyed the Five Star medical treatments available in the North Wing.

Typical of Maathai, the fighter for the down-trodden, argues: “There are no five star patients and still wanted the company offered by a ward.”

After tests, doctors give her options to consider. 1) Surgery -- however that would mean doing away with several of her organs a list of which we choose not to publish for privacy reasons.

Of course any such action would be followed by chemotherapy and from her Cancer blood test - which doctors called “CA 125” it is clear any surgery would require a chemotherapy session every week.

Even then, “such treatment is only effective and sufficient for malignant tumors that are well-differentiated and confined to the ovary.” Her condition has even touched “the spleen and the lungs,” doctors tell her. (one of them was speaking)

Maathai asks: “So after the surgery what will be my quality of life?”

Doctors answer: “It depends on how your body reacts.” The doctors go ahead to explain how different people reacted to similar conditions.

“How long does it guarantee I will live?” she asks doctors, taking the off guard.

Later one of them reflects: “I was a little shocked because normally patients ask that before quality of life”

“Well, it guarantees an extension of life to about six months to five years,” doctors explains.

Then Maathai poses a question: “What if I don’t go that route of chemotherapy and surgery?”

“Well it will spread very fast and will arrest your key organs and that may cause death,” doctors explain, hoping she might reconsider the path she was now taking.

“Well instead of spending the rest of my six or five years postponing death and spending money and resources that would make my family happy, let me surrender to the creator,” Maathai says, according to two surgeons who were talking to her.

Attempts to make the option of surgery and chemotherapy fail and doctors give her a day to reconsider her decision.

Finally, as per Nairobi Hospital policy, doctors are forced to ask hard questions.

“When it spreads to the rest of your organs It may cause cardiac arrest (Read Heart Attack) can we install a cardiac warning bell,” doctors tell her.

“For what purpose is such a bell?” she asks.

“Well” one of the hospital administrators who attended the meeting says, “to help us resuscitate you in case something happens and probably rush you to HDU or ICU for attention.”

Our sources explain that Maathai sits on her pillow and with a firm but friendly (sic) look says: “If that happens, let it happen, don’t intervene.”

“Why?” they almost reacted (this is unprofessional).

She responds: “Because life is not about me only, it’s about many other people and I am still strong.”

As required by policy, they then ask her to tell her family to sign the DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) forms clearing the hospital of any responsibility should the eventuality happen.

Again, she says she would put pen to paper, “without subjecting anyone to the decision about her.”

The decision she made shortly after 4 pm, just two days before she died.

....... (ends)

Press Statement on the occasion of the "16 Days of Activism against Gender Violence"

BAOBAB for Women’s Human Rights (BAOBAB) 

On the occasion of the “16 Days of Activism against Gender Violence” 

Lagos, Nigeria, November 25 2011

Press Statement

Distinguished Ladies and Gentlemen of the Press,

BAOBAB for Women’s Human Rights (BAOBAB) happily welcome you to this Media conversation happening on the first day of the “16 Days of Activism against Gender Violence,” “From Peace in the Home to Peace in the World: Let's Challenge Militarism and End Violence Against Women’.”

The 25th November every year marks the beginning of the “16 Days of Activism against Gender Based Violence” which is an international campaign that started in 1991 dedicated to advocate against all forms of Gender Based Violence. The 16 Days runs from November 25, (International Day against Violence against Women) to December 10, (International Human Rights Day) to symbolically link violence against women and human rights and to emphasise that such violence is a violation of human rights. This 16-day period also highlights other significant dates including December 1, which is World AIDS Day, and December 6, which marks the Anniversary of the Montreal Massacre in 1989, when 14 women students were massacred by a lone gun-man opposed to the affirmative action policies promoted by feminists at the University of Montreal.

Since the “16 days…” campaign started, this period has been utilized by various women’s groups to call for the elimination of violence against women by raising awareness about gender based violence as a human rights issue at the local, national, regional and international levels; strengthening local work around violence against women; establishing a clear link between local and international work to end violence against women; providing a forum in which organisers can develop and share effective strategies; demonstrating the solidarity of women around the world organising against violence against women and creating tools to ask governments to implement promises made to eliminate violence against women.

Over the years, gender based violence has been a cause for concern in Nigeria and the world at large. This is mainly due to the very patriarchal nature of the society and obnoxious cultural beliefs that subjugate women and lead to their systemic discrimination in private and public spheres. The need for strategic campaigns and interventions has become even more crucial with recent reports of the prevalence of rape and assault cases on women and young girls in the country. This rise in the number of cases is a very worrisome development as BAOBAB has also continued to receive more reports of violence against women at its offices and via email and telephone calls. Two of such cases of violence are the alleged infamous gang rape in August 2011 of a young woman by 5 men suspected to be students of Abia State University, as well as the rape of female students of St Anne’s college Ibadan, Oyo state. There was also the cold murder of a female banker allegedly by her husband, amongst others.

The theme for this year’s campaign is ‘From Peace in the Home to Peace in the World: Let's Challenge Militarism and End Violence against Women’. BAOBAB for Women’s Human Rights is today joining other partners around the world to mark the period with a series of activities which include: a Gender and leadership training for young boys and girls between the ages of 13 -17 years; solidarity street campaign by a network of Men and Boys against Violence against Women (MABVAW); an in-house debate by the BAOBAB team on “Violence Against Women and Globalization, ”as well as various social advocacy activities by members of our community based volunteer outreach teams in 15 states of the country.

BAOBAB is using this opportunity to call on the government of Nigeria to:

1. Expedite the passage of the Gender and Equal Opportunities Bill into Law;

2. Expedite the reintroduction, adoption and passage of the Violence Against Persons Prohibition Bill into Law;

3. Establish support mechanisms including one-stop centers for victims of SGBV and formal shelters in collaboration with women focused NGOs;

4. Strengthen existing laws and frameworks to protect women from FGM and other harmful practices

5. Increase involvement of women in peace building processes and strengthen CSO collaboration for sustained engagement in conflict prevention and peace building.

6. Improve the collection of disaggregated data and maintenance of statistics on SGBV.

7. Ensure efficient investigation and prosecution of SGBV cases.

Distinguished friends of the Press and fellow agents of social transformation, once again we are happy that you have honoured this invitation to participate in the conversations of the next few hours and some of the activities with us, and we hope that this will translate to further collaboration towards eliminating all forms of gender based violence and consequently promote human development. Remember, if it is not good for your mother, daughter or sister, then it is not good for any woman! Let’s stop violence against Women now!

Thank You all

Chibogu Obinwa

Ag. Executive Director

See more posting on Baobab's blog

Victims running for their lives- is domestic violence on the increase?

Even though I don't directly deal with Domestic violence issues like organisations such as Baobab for Women's Human Rights and Project Alert on violence Against Women in Nigeria that do not only provide legal services for the victims but also counselling, mediation or shelter as the case may be, I still get to refer people or give links to vicitms friends and family via emails, phone calls or social media. My referral role is getting on the increase to my surprise. Does this mean many women are increasingly getting abused in their relationships or they or their family are just getting hold of help links like this?

I won't get into the unprofessional habit of divulging people's secret or identity since I didn't ask their permission but I will say on the safer side that some of the cases that I have had to refer are so pathetic! Some of the victims of spousal abuse have being enduring this act of destruction to their health and being for many years. They only get to seek help when this is about to claim their lives. Some of these victims can be counted lucky that they did not lose their lives while hoping their husbands will change or while hoping they made the right decision by waiting to take care of thier children in this abusive settings.


A banker, Titilayo Arowolo was killed on the 24th of June, 2011. Titilayo was stabbed 20 times according to the report and she was also hit by a sledge hammer. Her internal organs were found on the floor and her husband was suspected to have killed her. Some say for ritual or was a spiritual attack of which blogger Anna Wunmi Fani responded 'Hmmm, spiritual attack???!!!!! Everything in naija is related to spiritual attack. When will people start owning their bullshit and stop blaming the devil for their actions. We need to start equipping women with tools on how to deal with domestic abuse, both physical and mental. It is NOT OK for a man to hit a woman. Only a spineless, despicable coward hits women!' What was so interesting about this story was the fact that Akolade Arowolo and wife had being having issues in the past to the knowledge of Titilayo's and Akolade' families but nothing critical was done!


It is rather of importance to keep one's life and protect oneself from abuse and violence than keep a marriage or relationship that will take one's life. As suggested by the executive Director of Kudirat Initiative for Democracy (KIND), Amy Oyekunle, it is time to go on the campaign offensive that lives can be lost to domestic violence and to provide information to women or men that might be enduring such act of violence. Really, won't it make sense for victims of domestic violence to first run for their lives and then decide where to go from there? The Domestic violence Bill ( the Violence Against Persons (Prohibition) Bill) has being passed in Lagos but never at the Federal level. Since we have to be our own watch -dog and protector before seeking state help or asking a third party to help, we need to take a solid protective stand and run for our dear lives instead of enduring domestic abuse/violence.


N: B - the above image is from Tess Wigwe's case

Fela, water and Women

I have never understood Fela's music, revolution and life style the way I did after seeing the Fela's show at Eko Hotel, Lagos. I was glad to make Fela's show today and it has transformed me in a greater way. I have more respect for Fela, his ideology and music. I commended the effort of the cast crew. They were awesome! And just one or two are Nigerians! Jayzee, Will Smith and Jada Pinket idea of show-casing Fela goes beyond a business idea for me, it is a remembrance of a change maker, a believer of human rights and a thorn in the flesh of corrupt Nigerian leaders!

I was transformed beyond what I ever thought possible within a short period of seeing Fela's show. The immaculate appearance of his strong feminist mother (Funmilayo Anikulapo Kuti) and her contribution to the tangible changes in Nigeria, her unfair and cruel death in the hands of the Nigerian military and the torture and rape of many women at Fela's Kalakuta's home during the military unlawful raid in 1978, all sent different messages to my soul. I had mixed feelings and eventually a very clear vision.


I thought more about a particular song of Fela 'Water no enemy' ( water has no enemy) and I started reflecting on this. Water! Trully, water can be seeing as a simple and natural product, that should be free and readily available most importantly in a clean and safe manner. I realised how this notion has changed over the years. Water, a natural resource yet scarce in many places in Africa has caused dispute between people, and countries and has also countributed to health hazards. There is now conflict over water, women especially suffer more over water scarcity in some countries, my visit to Kenya in 2009 helped me understood to some extend the danger of water scarcity.I remembered so well, how I had to struggle to get water for my family from a far distance and as early as 6am before I could get ready for school; those moments that were never pleasant.

Water is essential and without immediate and effective access to clean and safe water women, children, and men willl be further affected in many places espcially in Africa. It will lead to widespread of diseases and can further fuel violent conflict. Many organisations through humanitarian efforts are providing water for people in places that we do not even imagine exist or where we never have an inkling of how people are suffering on a daily basis to get water for their use, their business or for their family. Water, its link to safety of women, health of women and efforts of different organisations world wide, will be my focus in the subsequent posts. How can we strategise and develop innovative ideas to make clean water accessible to all? We need to asnwer this question!

HE VALUES NOT MY KIND

Women are feeble-minded he said

A hormonal deficiency he hinted

Really?

Women are weak in making decisions?

Women are thoughtless, foolish with low intelligence?

What anatomy have you studied?

What theory are you propounding?

Not that I guess but I know this not to be true

I can’t shake the feeling though of how lowly he thinks of my species

Of what opinion he has concerning the bringers of life

The raisers of kings and queens

The other half of the human race

It is but a fact that many have played down their intelligence

to satisfy the egoistic attitude of their men

Many that are culturally and religiously taught to obey their men at all cost

And lied to to believing that their hormone differences equals low intelligence

Many still will rise against all odds to challenge the status quo

My learned ex-tutor whom I believed to be open-minded

Thought my kind to be feeble-minded and used the ‘f’ word freely

Then I query, what am I doing in his space

If he thought me and my kind to be feeble-minded?

If he values not my kind?

Am I not so low in intelligence to be in his presence?

Incapable of decision making to earn his respect?

I ask again, what am I doing in his presence and space?

Yeah feeble-minded, he thinks of my kind!

Different Faces of Abuse.

It's being a month or so that I am back home. ' Home sweet home- Nigeria I hail thee'. It was as if I was not away for a year but a millisecond. Getting back into the scheme of things didn't take time. It is already in the blood but can I stand the traffic jam in Lagos again? I just can't but I have to. There are still darling friends to see but I am stalling and looking for appriopriate time to go and avoid plenty traffic but work cannot wait . I am doing a research consulting at the moment and it is very interesting. It means also that I have to be in a lot of places to do a lot of things and taking buses a lot of times. I have being challenged by friends to buy a car not that I have the money or that I really want to but it is looking like I have to. Well, I think too that running from buses 'palava' cannot make the problem go away as there are many bad road users on Lagos roads but there will be lesser hassles if I am in my car I guess.

For one, I won't have to listen to so many things I will rather not listen to. It is really amazing how people can complicate issues when they think the first thing that come out of their mouth will resolve whatever it is on the ground. How at times we subjugate women further in our attempt to be peacemakers without fore sight. There have being many cases I have witnessed or that have being victims of. So, I can say this is not a one off issue. Imagine a woman for instance that is asking politely for people to create more space in her seat and the jerk next to her find that offensive and the peacemaker can only say "madam, at least you have a husband at home, you know how men are, we just have to manage them". First if we think about this properly, it means women don't have a choice but to cope with any situation they find themselves and men are what now, idiots? But no one will analyse the latter...

I was on one of my research trips today and after a long day, I was coming back home. I took a bus, sat in the front and dreaming of getting home to rest and spent time with my partner. I didn't enjoy the solitude for long when one fella asked me rudely to move to the middle seat in the front. I ask him to seat in the middle seat if he wanted to but he was upset and he started talking down at me with his friend at the back chorusing. The driver found it his duty to interfere and what he can come up with is "You know women only have mouth and not power" before he went ahead to indicate to the fella that he is older than me. All I asked him - I mean the rude fella was to please take the other seat and now women have mouth? Statements like this only broaden gender inequality and instigate violence. The assumption that this fella was older than me was ridiculous and rest of the statement was appalling. The Drama went on for a while but I just ignored the misbehaved fella after I corrected the driver. I just wonder how many more of these incidents would have led to abuses- both verbally and physically if not contained?

That reminds me, a colleague of my friend was beaten up by her husband and did not come to work for 2 days, when she did, it was with bruises and swollen face. She refused to take the case to women organisations for mediation. What do you think of this decision? My neighbour's pregnant daughter was beaten up by her carpenter who is also their family friend because she got angry that he did not do the job she paid for. Today is the last day of 16 days of activism against violence against women and the journey seems longer...

Men are stronger than women? by Rachael Uwah

Here is a thinking mind of a sister, asking questions, pondering...

Men are stronger than women? Oh Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Can you bleed for a week and survive?

Can you squeeze a 14 inch baby from a 9 cm hole?

Can you carry a 7 pound baby in your stomach for 9months & @ the same time carry other heavy things like 20litres of water on ur head etc?

Can you take care of a child, cook,clean, and talk on the phone @ once?

Can you carry a 108 pound shopping bag?

Can you go a week only eating salad?

Can you face heartbreak?

Can you watch the love of your life be with someone else?

Can you accept lies then smile like you have heard the best truth in your lifetime?

Can you hurt your fingers while cooking and all you get is horrible comments like Its salty, Tasteless...?

Can you burn your forehead with a straightener & not complain cus u just want 2 look beautiful for someone?

Can you walk all day on 6 inch stilettos?

Can you cry all night then get up the next morning like everything is OK?

OF COURSE NOT!

WOMEN ROCK!!!

Note: this is not my work but Rachael Uwah's who has agreed that I share this.

DO something, SAY something - Original Article by Fungai Rufaro Machirori

Note: This is a recirculation of this post by a Zimbabwean Blogger Fungai- Visit her blog

This shouldn’t be happening in 2010.

In fact, it shouldn’t be happening ever.

When I saw the images of this woman’s plight, I felt my heart plummet into my bowels. I felt the anger seeping into my blood. I asked myself if it was possible that a man could be so heartless as to inflict such pain onto another human being, especially since in my last post, I so fervently celebrated the joys of having men in the world.

Over the weekend, I received an email from the Zimbabwe Gender Forum about a young woman who was recently attacked by her husband. In the physical battle that ensued, he plucked out her hair and caused so much damage to her abdomen that she needed an operation to reorder her intestines which had premusbaly unravelled and torn due to the impact. The same woman was hospitalised at one of Harare’s hospitals while her husband was remanded in custody. And the story only gets worse. The hospital where she received treatment detained her for failure to pay her medical bills. Only through the efforts of Musasa Project (an organisation working to end gender-based violence) did she finally receive assistance.
What kind of a health system is that anyway? What has the world come to when those who have already suffered oppression at the hands of an individual must also suffer oppression at the hands of a system?!!
What would have happened to this woman – also the mother of two children below the age of 5 – if no one had been there to help her? Does anyone care?! I am very worried by this situation on many levels because it just reflects the ugliness of our society. Zimbabwe has had a Domestic Violence Act in place for over 3 years now but implementation thereof is still a massive challenge due to lack of financial and political commitment. Men still get off scott-free if they know the right buttons to press within the system. A bribe here and there and a whole docket of information can disappear from the police records.


What social protection do we as women therefore have? In June, I was at Harare’s ONLY adult rape clinic and learnt with shock, anguish and fear that the centre is facing severe funding shortfalls and due to to this cannot expand its services to become a 24-hour service to provide full attention to rape survivors. For now, the clinic only operates on week days from 8am-4pm. This means that if you are raped on a Friday evening, you can only get assistance from the clinic the following Monday morning. And because the nature of a rape investigation entails the survivor keeping evidence of the incident on their body, one must not wash off the traces of semen and sperm from their body until they can be examined.

A woman at the clinic had to endure that plight – just take a moment to imagine how horrendous that would feel. The shame, the reminder of it all, the smell, the feeling of filth covered all over you.By the time she could be attended to on the Monday morning, the staff at the clinic described her as “stinking”. What protection do we as women have from our men, from a patriarchal society that keeps telling us it’s all our fault for not being good enough women, that we deserve a bashing every now and then to keep us one th straight and narrow?


Men, you are both the problem and the solution. Value us as human beings. Respect our bodies as the vessles that house our souls, our creativity, our womanhood.
Do not invade us.
Do not kill us.
We are your sisters. And you are our brothers.
I began this post with a story that shouldn’t be told in 2010. The pictures of this tragedy shouldn’t exist. I shouldn’t even be writing this all.
But I am. Are you going to do anything about it? Or are you just going to close your eyes and walk away from it all?
Do something! Say something!
Help spread the word that this is not acceptable.

Your pains, my pains.

If only you knew...

How I feel your pains

How I imagined what you are going through

How I put myself in your painful shoes

Forced to marry as a child bride at 13

Forced to have sex with a man five times my age

Forced to get pregnant, have babies when I am yet a baby

Forced to learn the adult ways

I don't even know how to dream

Or what my tiny little dreams would have become

As my future has being stolen from me before I am awake

All my known and unknown dreams gone!

If I were still so unlucky in my highly unlucky situation

I will lose some of my babies

I will lose the control of my bladder I will get VVF

I will be force to leave his house

After he has ruined my life, my future, my hopes!

Not that I will have a place to go to

Have already being sold by my foolish parents!

I am now an outcast, with a worthless life

The one forced to give up her childhood

The society cares not, my parents cared not

And this is how I die!

I do fell your pains

I do want madly to change the World

I do want to fly around the World and rescue

Rescue all the poor innocent girls

Kill all the perpetrators of evils against children

And have a big, satisfactory smile of victory on my face!

Trending:

Yerima the paedophile
Yerima marriage to under age Egyptian girl
Nigerian Women protesting Yerima's marriage to another underage girl

Child Bride in Yemen died of Internal Bleeding

My road trip to Mali

Finally in Mali! I have not blogged for almost a Month not even when I was in Nigeria for a brief period of 14 days! It was good to be home. The only hitch was how to readjust to the heat. I did not for once feel bad that light was not constant. My UK stay for 6 Month did not influence that-lol. I didn't feel irritated that light was always rationed when I got back to Nigeria. The experience was already in the blood.

It was fantastic to see my hubby, cats and friends. It felt wonderful. I did not stay for long before hubby and I packed our luggage for Mali. The experience of seeing part of West Africa together by road was very strong, so we embarked on this "road trip to Mali" which ended yesterday after a week of journey! We left Nigeria on the 12th of April which happened to be Hubby's birthday. We chose ABC coach to Ghana even though we were delayed for a while which made the journey 12hrs, we did enjoy the ride. My 2nd time journeyed with ABC to Accra though. We got to Ghana and was able to check in into a 2 star hotel, not too costly with polite staff. We spent a day going through Accra and taking pictures. We met with a friend and colleague that I have not seeing in 2 yrs and had dinner with her. Hubby fell in love with Accra!

The Ghana journey had to end so we proceeded to Burkina Faso through STC transportation. The longest and challenging of all the trips! STC over packed loads, the coach was filled inside out with load. All the space in the coach was filled with loads. Lots of people screamed at each other but the most difficult part was how we went round round Ghana for 24 hrs in the bus! We were told the journey would take 24hrs in all but for 2t hours, we were still in Ghana - [Good thing though, we got to see Kumasi, Tamale and a few other towns in Ghana. With the vehicle breakdown of 5 hours which happened at 2.40am after the so called vehicle had been checked and fueled 2 hours before! The amazing part was getting stranded in the middle of no where and people getting down to sleep by the side of the road leaving all their stuff around! Can I ever feel this secured on Nigerian roads?

The whole journey to Burkina took 36 hours! We finally arrived and I got angry for the 3rd time since our journey. The first time I got upset was when a smart passenger which we didn't even find out who he or she was, took over our load space on the bus as we disembarked to urinate and stretched our legs. The second time was at Ghana border before Burkina where an immigration officer felt he had a right to be disrespectful. I put him in his place, trust me. The third and the most annoying was at the park where the taxi driver who I was politely telling that I have breakable items in my bag refused to listen but kept scream 'oh women'! I took my loads off his cab and asked him to get lost! Since he failed to listen but kept scream "oh, women" as if I have done something unforgivable to this guy.

We got another cab and had a very hot ride to the hotel despite the time being 9pm! It was damn hot! We eventually settled in in our minus 5 star [-5] hotel, where we got this horrible room that has not being swept in ages! If not for tiredness and the lateness of the time, we would have gone elsewhere. We discovered the following day that the "elsewhere" hotels were not even far of! This is what happened when you don't know your way around, when you don't get adequate information about where you are on the internet and when you don't speak the language of that country! People need to stop generalising that we, the people of Africa are all the same, that is an unfounded fallacy! I have seeing how amazingly different and diverse the people of Africa are, even our Okro grew differently-lol.

The women of Ghana, Burkina Faso, and Mali ride their motorcycles and bicycles with ease. With no crazy drivers chasing them off the road, with men conveniently sitting as their passengers even none is for commercial purpose. I must get my own motorcycle in Mali! we left Burkina with TCV coach which was very comfortable and timely. We had heavily armed military men that escorted us to Bobo for Ouaga, I was afraid because 2 of them sat next to hubby and I with their guns point up! No escort followed usa from Bobo to Bamako since we journeyed during the day. The language barrier did not help matter at all, so I must learn French at all cost. They even used french figures to tell their money which even got me confused the more. They have to show us the money to make payment easier-lol.

Finally, we reached Bamako after a week of travel!After a week of endless border stop, search, stamp and pass. After one week of my new bags passing through dirt, rough roads, rough and as well as neat upload and off load in da different buses! The risk was worth it as we have learned a thing or 2 about a few other countries in West Africa, we felt the heat of North Ghana, Burkina Faso and Bamako. We got to check in into a 3 star hotel with swimming pool and wireless Internet connection here in Bamako. We got to take a lot of pictures, all of which I will upload on my Facebook album and these pictures will serve as a memory of our Mali trip by road. I will get to live here in Bamako for 6 Months and this time around with intentions to blog regularly! Off I go to start searching for accommodation. Wish me luck everyone!

Interview Thursday "...I wouldn't attribute the single fact that women are doing better for themselves as a cause of the higher divorce rates"- Mgbeke

It was a great pleasure to have a blogger I admire with her boldness and truthfulness mixed with a lot of fun- [at least that is the sense I get each time I visit her blog]. She describes herslef as a razz Igbo woman who decided to bring her craze to Blogsphere. Prior to discovering Blogsville, she was on the formerly popular site...Xanga.com, where she was airing her thoughts and observations on the world wide web at a young age. Apart from blogging, she enjoys people, watching, laughing and cracking herself up, bargain hunting, collecting shoes (as she believes a woman can never have too many), any opportunity to go out to eat, travelling and generally having a good time...among others.Like Vera and Afrobabe, this is a blog with an average of 25 comments per post. Original Mgbeke is trully Original and she is sharing with Standtall this Thursday....

You made an interesting post on your blog in September 2009 with the Heading " I am not a man Hater", and I agree with the issues raised that made you get upset with the subjugated views of women, I want to know from your point of view if it is really compulsory for everyone to be married?

No, I do not think that marriage is compulsory. I think that ideally, most of us would love to be married and have someone to share the rest of our lives with but unfortunately, this is not going to happen for everybody and so if it doesn't happen, let's learn to not kill ourselves over that fact. I also think that the pressures that we place on ourselves, as well as the pressures that society places on ourselves makes it seem like marriage is compulsory. Especially for us women, It's like you hit a certain age, there's no man and sight and everyone is asking you questions and your entire family appears to be holding prayer meetings on your behalf. It's factors like this, that make it appear to be that our generation is not even running down the aisle in this day and age, we are literally galloping with the next available person because we think that marriage is compulsory. It's also this mindset that marriage is compulsory that attributes to a whole bunch of unhappy married individuals who rushed into the marriage in the first place. Long story short, marriage is not a compulsory or by-force matter and I hope that we can all learn to accept that fact and not strangle ourselves if along the line, we don't have a spouse to share the rest of our lives with.

In this day and age, women are having break through in jobs and financial independence, do you think this is responsible for divorce rate being on the increase?
I do not think that the fact that women are having break through jobs and greater financial independence should be attributed to higher divorce rates. I think that it really depends, as in a woman might have a great job and be the breadwinner in her household, yet she may still respect her husband and uphold him as the head of the household. If the husband is an insecure man who can't handle the fact that his wife makes more than him, then sure it could lead to problems in the marriage which could ultimately spell divorce. In the same vein, such a woman could be the breadwinner and cease to respect her husband, and that is definitely asking for trouble in your marriage the minute you stop respecting your husband because you make $100k and he makes $50k. Those factors could certainly lead to divorce but I wouldn't attribute the single fact that women are doing better for themselves as a cause of the higher divorce rates.

Can you clarify what you mean by respect as some people view this to be submitting to the whimps and caprices of your man, is that what you meant?
Let me clarify. In my opinion, respecting your husband is not about being a slave, submitting to foolishness or kneeling down to greet him and serve him food. When I say respect, I mean that as a woman, you should respect your hubby and continue to stand by him despite the odds. Like I said in my example, the fact that I make 100k and he makes 50k, should not give me a right to start talking down to him, or disrespecting him. When he says A, I will say B and add 'after all, I pay all the bills in this house so you really can't tell me nothing'. That's what I mean by disrespect. Sure, I could make more and pay more of the bills but if he's still going out there and working hard, staying focused and showing ambition by wanting more for himself, being a great husband and father then he deserves my respect and the differences in earning power won't change anything.

Note to men:- Notice the clauses for earning a woman's respect o! Don't go and be balancing on couch and being a total bum and an unfocused, unmotivated somebody because you've seen 'breadwinner' because tomorrow when they disrespect you, don't say that you didn't see that one coming.

Would you rather be married and unhappy or single and happy or divorced and happy?
Definitely single and happy. In terms of marriage, I would rather not get married at all if I deem a man to be someone who will sap my energy and happiness. In the unfortunate event that I get married, and along the line things between me and my husband go sour and have passed the point of no return, then what's the use in hanging onto the marriage if I'm unhappy? I mean, it's like you wanna look forward to going home to your family especially after a long day at work. The last thing I wanna do is to roll my eyes at the thought of going home, or be requesting to work overtime because I don't want to go home and dwell in my unhappiness. My happiness is key to me, and if something ain't right and it can't be fixed through prayer, counseling and what have you, then too bad but I won't lose my sanity on top the marriage sha o.

If you have a chance to change something in the world, what will it be?
I would wave my magic wand and we would all just get along. Every single one of us...none of that war ish, none of those crazed serial killers shooting, none of the ridiculous drama that some of us experience in our personal lives. If we all got along, life would be much simpler.

In the Nigerian constitution, a woman that marries a foreigner cannot have her husband become a Nigeria while a man can, what do oyu think of this?
I guess this is a good time to display my ignorance and confess that I had no idea about this. Very interesting...I think it's quite stupid and even sexist but for some reason, I'm not surprised. Is it not our great country, after all?

You blog posts are always so interesting and thought provoking, the recent post is you dumping your independent status for a rich man-lol. Is this a joke or do you think there is really no need for a woman to be independent?
I was half kidding (hint hint, rich men are still wanted) but to keep it real, I think that women definitely need to sample a lifestyle of fending for oneself and doing things for oneself, even if a rich man might be on our wishlists. It makes you more self sufficient and when you finally snag the man, you will appreciate the concept of working hard for money and won't be uselessly spending his money anyhow. In addition to that, if you want a rich man, you should meet the man at least halfway or something. Experience life doing things for yourself. Buy your own ish...be it your own drinks at the club, your own clothes, your own car etc. You can't be at point ZERO and expect your captain save-a-chick to swoop in and completely cover you 100%...tomorrow now, when kasala[problem] burst the man will remind you that he paid for even the panties that you are wearing. Much as I dislike some aspects of the independent lifestyle, it's a nice feeling to know that you don't have to rely on anyone to be able to do well for youself. Now, in my post I see where most people conveniently skipped my reference to 'a buying and selling business on the side' or 'salary for stay at home money'...long story short, even as I plan to quit my job and marry a rich man, I still plan on getting mines so I will technically still be a paid chick making her own money. Hehehehehe

There are some articles about some men going for rich ladies because of their money, don't you think this is no big deal if we have to think of what is good for the goose..?
I always say, you do what makes you happy. If a man wants to be 'kept', then no shakings. The only down side to this is that men have egos and so you need to be able to humble yourselves in this quest to be kept. I mean, the woman might love you and truly respect you but because she said something like 'baby, please buy milk on your way home'...the man will now start vexing that 'Imagine, she has the nerve to ask me to go and buy groceries like I am a housewife, is it because she is making all the money..?', that kain thing...guys, you know how some of you can be. One love my people.

Would 50-50 contributions in marriage/relationship better? What is your stand on this?
50/50 contributions would be perfect in an ideal world. Let me use America for instance where the man and woman would both work 9-5, and have a joint account where they chip in an equal amount of money into paying the mortgage/rent, bills etc etc. If the man comes home before the woman, he starts dinner, and if the woman comes home before the man, she starts dinner. When the children need to be fed and taken care of, both the man and the woman take care of that on an equal basis, and when the household needs to be cleaned, the man and woman would take care of that on an equal basis...none of that 'it's a woman's job' kind of deal. Unfortunately, 50/50 contributions do not seem to exist as it seems to be that ultimately it's us the women who have to deal with a greater % of caring for the home, along with maintaining a 9-5 as a full time career woman. Women try o! If you're a guy reading this, when you get home make sure you give your wives a big fat kiss and tell her how much you appreciate her.

My solution to this is that if my husband wants to come home at 5pm and wait for me to get home at 7pm so I can cook dinner for him and the kids/if I have to bear a good chunk of the homemaker responsibilities and be a super career woman + full time mommy and home maker, then when it's time to pay the bills I will contribute 10% while he handles the remaining 90%. Ladies and Gentlemen, what ya say? Because this ojoro[cheating] must end.

What is the purpose of your blog?
I'm just a regular ol' chick who started a blog to air my thoughts and random observations. I'm a big people watcher and I'm constantly thinking thoughts and what not, so I figured that a blog would be a good place to be yarning my own.

What have you gained or lost through blogging?
Gains:- I have 'met' really great people, and I put the word in quotes because I have never even seen some of these people but they show a sister love, and I am very very appreciative. I have also gotten a chance to be exposed to different people with a very interesting variety of mindsets and views. It's really been a very interesting journey and I'm glad I discovered the wonderful world of blogsville.

Loss:- Time and energy! Blogging is a full time job sha o, it's like you gotta make all these rounds and then reply to your comments (which I soo fell off doing) and what not. That can take up some serious time so these days, I tend to put everything off till the weekend. No love lost though, I enjoy losing time and energy over blogsville. Hahahaha.

LET'S PRAY ALL FORMS OF VIOLENCE BACK TO HELL!

In the spirit of 16 DAYS OF ACTIVISM AGAINST VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN (25/11/2009 - 10/12/2009), I present to you the documentary on the effort of Liberia women in bringing the war of over a decade to an end. This is to allow us see that women have a role to play in the development of their nation.

The documentary "PRAY BACK THE DEVIL TO HELL" brought together women from Christain background, women from Islamic background and they were all united for a common Goal - PEACE in Liberia!

Most often women are excluded from peace table but they are often the one to bear the brunt of war, the sexual violence, sexual exploitation, the killing of their children, husband, friends and family, the caretaking of children and others during the war, the displacement from their home and countries...

To have women inclusion in decision making on security issues as well as dealing with issues of all forms of violence against women during war including low intensity conflict situations, we need to implement the UN Security Council Resolution 1325 in all countries in the world.

Take a decision to day, in the spirit of 16 Days of Activism to:

1. pray all forms of violence against women back to hell
2. pray inequality back to hell
3. pray assault, rape, sexual violence against women back to hell
4. pray all form of violence and exploitation on one another and our nations back to hell
5. pray bad leadership back to hell
6. pray the use of children as child soldiers back to hell
7. pray HIV back to hell
8. pray low intensity conflict, armed conflict, violent conflict back to hell
9. Pray climate change back to hell!

Let our prayers, be our actions, let our prayers be our decision, let our prayers be the change we want to see, let our prayer be our invlovement in bringing those change alive.

Note that the documentary has being compressed to fit the youtube speculated time.