Monday, April 6, 2009

Dating 101: The Best Relationship Advice I Ever Got- By Sara Anderson for Redbook

Found this on Yahoo Page and sharing it was only thing that came to mind. Hope you will all find it useful.

Nine women spill the secret words of wisdom that keep their relationship blissful.
#1. Polite Fight
"On my wedding-invitation RSVP cards, I left space for guests to write their favorite wedding wisdom. The tidbit that rings truest after almost nine months of marriage is: 'Attack the issue, not each other.' How it works: If my husband and I disagree about something, we stay focused on the issue and skip the personal put-downs." -- Melissa Gitter Schilowitz, 31, Metuchen, NJ

#2. Fit to a Tee
"My grandmother insisted that I learn how to play golf. 'If your husband loves to play, you can go along and spend hours together,' she said. So I took lessons, and now my husband and I hit the links once a month. We both love the game and are thrilled to share a hobby, even when we spend half an hour looking for my out-of-bounds balls!" -- Aimee Borders, 27, Houston, TX

#3. Tabletop Trick
"My aunt told me that if I'm running late when it's my turn to make dinner, just set the table. That way my husband thinks he'll be eating any minute, so he doesn't start complaining, which buys me some time. It's a silly trick that sounds straight out of the 1950s, but I have to admit that I've tried it a few times in the three years I've been married -- and it works!" -- Dawn Clayton, 34, Holdrege, NE

#4. Boob-Tube Brilliance
"Because my husband is such a remote-control freak, my mom suggested that we have 'my turn' TV nights. That means three nights a week I get to hold the remote and watch whatever I want, and on the other nights it's his turn to hold the remote and watch whatever he wants. Now when he starts flipping through the channels, it doesn't get on my nerves like it used to." -- Angela Clayton, 27, Odenton, MD

#5. Pop the Question
"My sister-in-law passed this helpful hint on to me, and it has served me well for our five years of wedded bliss: 'Marriage is not mind reading, so ask your spouse what he/she wants and believe what he/she says.'" -- Clare Graca, 27, Dallas

#6. Nix the Nit-Picking
"Before I said 'I do,' my mom (who's been married to my dad for 55 years) told me to take out a piece of paper and write down the top three things that bugged me about my husband-to-be. Then she told me to forget the things on that list and forgive him for not being flawless. Once you make a commitment this big, she explained, you can't let petty things get in the way. In our eight years of marriage, my husband and I have had two kids, tackled cross-country moves and started two businesses -- and so far, so great."-- Rebecca Hart Blaudow, 31, Jacksonville, FL

#7. Space Smarts
"Always have separate closets, my best friend told me. It may seem silly, but I listened to her and made sure to find a one-bedroom apartment with two closets (mine being the larger, of course). Now my husband and I each have our own private space, and we respect that: If he wants to keep his shoes in one huge heap or leave his dirty clothes in a pile on the floor, the mess doesn't bother me a bit!" -- Patricia Bontekoe, 26, Lake Hiawatha, NJ

#8. Agree to Disagree
"Before we got married, my minister told my husband and me, 'You are two imperfect people making an imperfect union, and that's wonderful.' This advice made me ditch my belief that in a happy marriage, the couple always agrees. My husband and I have learned to appreciate our differences (yes, even differences of opinion!); in fact, we encourage them because we realize now that those differences are what makes each of us unique and special." -- Beth Swanson, 28, Chicago

#9. Comic Relief
"Before I headed down the aisle, my stepfather told me to always laugh and never take myself too seriously. After four years of marriage, I know that this trick works. My husband and I often play practical jokes on each other and always try to crack each other up, even in the middle of an argument. Hey, if one person laughs, a fight tends to fizzle, doesn't it?" -- Lisa Giassa, 31, Bogota, NJ
Anti-Pop Advice From the Experts
You've probably heard a few of these pieces of marital pop wisdom before. If so, these marriage experts say to promptly forget 'em.

Love means never having to say you're sorry. "Oh, please! In marriage, love sometimes means having to say you're sorry even if you don't know what you did or you didn't mean to do it." -- Trisha Taylor, psychotherapist, Houston, T

Always be totally honest. "What are you going to do, tell him that he's just too short and you can't stand his mother? Sometimes you need to temper the truth." -- Tara Fields, Ph.D., marriage, family and child therapist, Marin County, CA
Children come first. "This is bad advice if it means your husband always comes second. Of course you should love and care for your kids, but you should never lose sight of your couple-ness. The best thing a child can have is happy, fulfilled parents who are deeply in love." -- Mary Pender Greene, chief of social work services, Jewish Board of Family and Children's Services, New York
Always keep the peace. "No, no, no. If you don't face a hot issue head-on, you'll stockpile negative feelings. And before you know it, 20 years go by and you're still fighting over the same thing because you never resolved it in the first place." -- Rebecca S. Ward, M.S.W., psychotherapist, Little Rock, A

Never go to bed angry. "Forget it. Often a couple needs time to calm down before they can rationally wrap up an argument. And that may take a few days, so in the meantime, get some sleep!" -- Gilda Carle, Ph.D., psychotherapist, New York

38 comments:

scribble,me.free said...

i'm going to have to disagree slightly with the last statement. "Never go to bed angry" is sage advice.

I agree that sometimes it may take a while to resolve an issue, still, it is important to resolve your feelings on the issue before you go to sleep.

Writefreak said...

Very nice tips...most of them..

Me sa o, i never go to bed angry with my husband...abegi...we always try to make it up..i won't even be able to sleep!

Adaeze said...

lol @ #4

I reacted to the last one too. My hubby seems to be totally fine with it but I can't stand it I HATE IT! I need to make up first if not I find it hard to sleep and have nightmares. But I guess he needs more time than me. Blah!The psychologists statement will comfort me, lol

I think most of those were great advices, most I knew from before but it's always great to hear it rephrased and repeated in order to be reminded and aware of new aspects.

thanks Standtall

StandTall-The Activist said...

@Scribble, me.free, Writefreak and Adaeze: to tell you the truth, I sleep in anger at times cuz perhaps I need to calm down before we can talk so I will ask to be left a lone and that might mean "go to bed in anger"

poeticallytinted said...

Wow! although some of them are subjective some of them are really practical. That remote control one won't work with me what we need are two decoders and two televisions. And about not going to be angry there's no point rushing on just because the night is drawing to an end. If you need to sleep on it, then by all means do so.

kay-shawn said...

I loved the comic relief one most. I believe every one going into a relationship needs a sense of humour.

Kafo said...

some of them are applicable and others like the whole if it is your turn to cook and u are running late just put a plate on the table

NEVER NEVER
any african man who has been to boarding schoool will see right thru that the first time u do it

SHE said...

I think No 1 is very practical. Even those who are not married can apply it in dealing with others.

No 7 is soooo practical!!!
At least, one less cause for disagreements.

blogoratti said...

Great stuff even for sure in everyday living!!

Afrobabe said...

very wise tips...
But I sleep in anger all the time otherwise if I say what's on my mind at that time ....

ohh forgot I wasn't married :)

Afrobabe said...

very wise tips...
But I sleep in anger all the time otherwise if I say what's on my mind at that time ....

ohh forgot I wasn't married :)

katztales said...

Great fun! I love self help books that offer easy fast relationship fixes. It's not just the McDonald's approach, it's also the complete lack of awareness about cultural issues. Who in their right mind would think that expectations of marriage are all the same everywhere? I say, Huh! And also, "If he's not kind to cats and other animals, he's not worth being with."

Olufunke said...

I really love this!
Thanks for sharing it!
A lot of it very practical

LusciousRon said...

Most of them are sage but setting up a table when food is not ready is an oxymoron. I can just imagine the shouts of where is the food?

Thanks for the heads up. Each relationship is unique and some tips work while others might be disastrous.

bArOquE said...

some serious matters here sha oh...very interesting read

aloted said...

yes o i agree with the last one..i wan sleep die...if i need time i need time....

nice tips all the way!!!

Buttercup said...

interesting..

FineBoy Agbero said...

Unlike Scribble and Writefreak, I agree with "Always keep the peace" and "Never go to bed angry".

Sometimes both partners are just too hot in the head to resolve anytin except sleep over it. Yes, even if u dont get any sleep, that sleeplessness is enough to remind u of ur state of mind and that something needs to be settled. It also helps to burn the useless energy.

Always keeping the peace is also crap. It's akin to pretense. If stuff happens, let's not ignore it for peace sake but tackle it head-on. I hate to keep stuff inside or have stuff kept inside against me.

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Thank you for sharing this! I really needed this. Happy Easter!

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