"I am Aunty Mary"

Are you in anyway familiar with the argument of "we need not westernize this or that, we need to know we are Africans". And with all the talk of ' not westernizing' this or that, I realise that a lot of us are comfortable with the idea of getting respect at all cost by having people add either "brother, sister, aunty, uncle, Mrs, Mr, Dr, Chief" to our names and failure to do so make those people disrespectful to us.

I am really wondering how we would be addressing ourselves if we really stick to our own very languages be it Hausa, Igbo or Yoruba to mention a few. Are will still going to find prefixes like "sister, brother...." to add to the names of people that are considered to be older than we are when we address them? Haven't "brother' sister, uncle, aunty' lose thier true meaning? A niece of mine whom I called "aunty Kemi" because she is older came to Nigeria for her wedding in 2001, she came with her white friends and one of them was confused and had to ask " Kemi, this is a huge family, are all these people your relatives?". Unfortunately, none of those people were related in anyway but the norm, that it was carried the day. 

I once asked a woman what her name was after I told her my first name, she replied by telling me that her name was "aunty Mary". Then again another woman, who told me her name was " Mama Funmi" What?! So here is the thing, we have, a long time ago thrown the real meaning of those nouns/appellations used as prefixes into the stream and we use them the way we deem fit as a mark of honour and respect for people that are older than us. But I still wonder in Nigeria with different ethnic groups, howelse could we have addressed those older than us if "brother or sister" isn't borrowed or misused? Could we have communicated without the discord of who is disrespecting who or without pointing out who is older than who because of a mere prefix?  

The issue of adding "aunty, uncle , brother, sister" to a name often course a big problem in western part of Nigeria because anyone that is a year or 2 older than you must have some sort of appellations added to their names and failure to do so means you are disrespectful. This is even extended to marriage whereby you can't call your husband by his first name but he can call you by yours! And if you dare {well not in my marriage} to do so infront of his relatives, you are ready to learn some lesssons. Seriously, is this what respect is all about? I think is the way you address people when you talk to them by not making your tone rude or your body language arrogant that matters but not by what you add infront of their names. It's so bad that some kids don't even know thier parents first names than the fact that they are just "daddy and mummy". Are we not exagerrating everything here? 

I nearly got into that madness of people adding "aunty" or "sister" to my name before, thank God for logic and objectivity, I don't think that is how I am respected. I am respected by respecting others. I am respected by knowing how to talk and how to compose myself. But seriously, does the norm of people add "aunty", "uncle", "Brother", "sister" or you forcing them to do so worth the hazzle? 

Good Nite Michael!

Seriously do I need to listen to this?

This is the point where I need to say WTF. Excuse my French. The story was that I agreed to be a friend of this stalker because according to him, he is a smooth stalker (not his word) that just wanted to be my friend as he likes the way I get busy in the bus reading every time we journeyed together which in my opinion is not quite often.

I won’t say I did not know the guy but he was just one among many other people I normally board the buses with on my way to work. Well, to cut a long story short, we became "friends" today. We talked as we rode to work in the commercial bus. He just wanted to be my friend.

So, he called hours later and we talked and I wonder during the conversation if I am not going to Say “you know what, we can’t be friends”. It’s obvious we have nothing in common. In the course of our phone conversation, he asked when I normally close from work and why I am in a hurry to get home; he wanted to know if it was because of my kids. I then told him I have none. He then asked me why I got married then! What? So, marriage is all about having kids?

He went further to lecture me on the fact that I am a Yoruba woman and that’s how it is in our culture, we marry for children. I told him I did not marry for kids and my tribe should not dictate how I run my life. Guess what this guy said. He said this is the reason why he doesn’t advocate for women to be too educated! Are you kidding me? Is someone listening?

He is a “women should be seen and not heard; women are for reproduction and house keep” kind of guy in my own opinion. But I am not angry because I had to think that women were treated as properties and second citizens then due to the fact that we did not know better. But with education that is an eye opener for everyone, women now know better and if some people are threatened by this, well, they are advised to rethink.