Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Before I lost her
And she took ill. She battled to regain her health . It took forever and this wish never came to be. It was diagnosed that she's got Mysthenia Gravis, a rare but terminal illness.
Then the battle began, the battle to take care of her, while keeping my 7 to 7 cafe job, while struggling to pay the bills. I wished for her to be well, she wished for me not to suffer so much. With lack of resources, we struggled on. We struggled to get her expensive drugs, we struggled to feed. No help was enough for us.
I was becoming thiner and sicker. She noticed and wept. Forever wanting things to be different. Yes, she wished even when she didn't communicate it, I could sense it, I could feel it, the pains in her silence. She watched as I struggle to make things work out for us. She watched as I struggled with my job and with taking care of her.
At some point in her illness, her doctor ordered some tests to be done in far away in Lagos. I had to get to Lagos. I had to get the tests done. Doctor said they were very important. So I had to look for away to get to Lagos as fuel scarcity and hike in transportation fares were the order of the moment. The expense of travelling far to get her expsensive drugs in this fuel scarcity time had drained the little money we had left. What was there to be done?
Then help shown up. My then boss asked me to follow her car to Lagos. I was happy. I had to go to her house and wait for her driver and one of her younger brothers to go with us. Then, I was faced with cruelty. I was faced with her yet another younger brother with that wicked look. Always cold and distant. Always looking angry. He was often in his army cap or uniform but he wasn't in the service no longer.
He ordered me out of their abode. I protested cuz I have done nothing wrong (I thought). The driver persuaded me to leave and wait outside. In my confused state, I moved out but not fast enough as he (the cold looking brother of my boss) approached me with horsewhip! Who was that meant for? It was for me. I was horsewhipped! It was merciless. It was non-stop! People gahered and watched helplessly. No one could come to my rescue
Why oh why. I was beating by a psychiatric patient. Why was I never told he is not mentally okay? Why was I never warned to be careful around him even when he came to the cafe? And she carried with me, YES MY SICK MOTHER DID.
I had to proceed to Lagos but the test didn't save her. I lost her in a cold and wicked day of 25th February, 2003 to be precise. She departed unceremoniously.
DAMN THE HOSPITAL SYSTEM!
DAMN OUR POOR FINANCIAL STATE!
DAMN THE SOCIETY THAT LIKES PARTY INSTEAD OF STARTING FOUNDATIONS THAT CAN HELP!
DAMN EVERYTHING THAT WENT WRONG!
That was how "Maami" (my mother) left. To be seen know more. To talk to know more. To fight with no more. To pray for me know more. To love me know more...
It's being SIX YEARS but it feels like yesterday.Continue to rest in peace mami. It's been so so lonely without you. And to Standtall Husband mother, who died same day 2 years apart, you are on our minds.
Gender (72) Feminism (46) Interview Thursday (46) Gender Equality (38) Gender and Development (29) Cat lover (24) Poem (24) Cat Tuesday (22) Women's Human Rights (19) Cats World (16) 16 Days of Activism (11) Africa (11) Violence Against Women (8) Information Sharing (7) Music (7) Nigeria Development (7) Women and Leadership (7) Children Rights (6) Exprience (6) Leadership (6) Rest in Peace (6) Change and Development (5) Corruption (5) Day to Day Exprience (5) Events (5) Governance (5) MDGs (5) Peace and Security Fellowship for African Women (5) Relationship (5) Security and Development (5) Women (5) Call for Application (4) Change Maker (4) Dairy (4) Mistake (4) Navy abuse of Uzoma Okere (4) Nigeria in Focus (4) Relationship and Marriage (4) The Feminist Cats (4) BlogHer (3) Chicago July Trip (3) Children (3) Discrimination Against Women (3) Domestic Violence (3) Injustice (3) King;s College Fellowship (3) Lessons (3) Niger Delta Crisis (3) Online Community (3) Religion Matters (3) Travelling (3) Wedding (3) Women Activists (3) Women Empowerment (3) Women in Governance (3) Youth (3) democracy in Nigeria (3) 2009 Edition (2) A girl-Soldier (2) Activism (2) Annivesary (2) BlogHer Conference Scholarship (2) Bloggers for life (2) Democracy and its Struggle (2) Female writers (2) Forced Marriage (2) IAC09 (2) ICT4D (2) International Wome's Rights Day 2008 (2) Journey to London (2) LGBTI (2) Lack of respect for other people's perspectives. (2) Life from Cape Town in South Africa (2) Lovely Cats (2) Male Child Preference (2) Male Child and Domestic Chores (2) Memories (2) My Boss (2) My life in London (2) Nigerian Youth and Development (2) Nigerianstalk (2) No to VAW (2) Rape (2) Sexual Violence and GBV (2) Taking Peace and Security (2) Technology Camp for Girls (2) The Admired Female Bloggers (2) The Changemakers (2) The Future of Nigerian children (2) The Late Kudirat Abiola's Remembrance (2) The Martyr of Democracy (2) The girl child and her chanllenges (2) Untimely death (2) Uzoma Okere court hearing (2) V-Monologues (2) Violation of Human Rights (2) Women making a difference (2) 10 years remembrance for the O.A.U 5. (1) 1in 9 Campaign (1) 2010 self-surfacing resolutions (1) A Ride with my Father (1) A just world with God (1) ALF Program (1) AWID Forum 2008 (1) Activism Scholarship (1) Adaeze Experience (1) African Sexualities (1) Aspiring Filmmaker (1) Bad Leaders (1) Beating by a mad man (1) Becoming my Cats (1) CSDG (1) Career (1) Child Marriage (1) Children without education (1) Children without future (1) Climate Change (1) Conflicts (1) Corrpution and Hooliganism (1) Court System (1) DLTW for Young Female Doctors (1) Democracy Day (1) Divorce and Marriage (1) Dupe In Kenya (1) ECOSAP (1) Evangelist Taye Ajiboye (1) Extreme poverty (1) Female Circumcision (1) Female Film-Makers (1) Girls in Technology (1) Global Warming (1) Government (1) Hafsat Abiola and KIND (1) Human Behaviour and attitudes (1) I didn't do it for you by Michela Wrong (1) ICT and Women (1) Images from Mali (1) Incest (1) Indecent Dressing Bill (1) Info -Activism (1) Internattional Bloggers Community Award (1) Job Search (1) Journey across Africa (1) June 8 and Abacha’s death (1) Kenya July Trip (1) Knowing our continent (1) Lagos State Government (1) MOBILIZATION (1) Mali (1) Marriage (1) Michela Wrong book on Eritrea (1) Mother 6th Remembrance (1) Movement Building. AWID Forum 2008 (1) My first post from London (1) My health (1) NDQ Interview (1) Naija Blogger Awards 2009 (1) Natural Hair (1) Negative quotation on women (1) Newspaper review (1) Nigeria Media (1) Nigerian Sporting Activities (1) Nigerians and Abacha’s death (1) No light (1) No to FGM (1) Obama Prank (1) Outsanding Ore (1) PHCN and Nigeria Government (1) Passing though Ghana (1) Passing through Burkina Security and Development (1) Pastor Kehinde Ajiboye (1) Peace and Secuirty issues in the Horn (1) Police Force (1) Polygamist (1) Pregnancy and child bearing in marriage (1) Punishment of an elderly woman in Saudi (1) Rape Victim (1) Road and Bus Evangelism (1) Road trip to Mali (1) SOLIDARITY WTH WOMEN WHO SPEAK OUT (1) Self Defence for Women (1) Senseless killing by armed robbers (1) Serious Issues (1) Standtall Adevnture (1) Suicide bombing (1) Summit (1) Tactical Tech (1) Take Back the Tech (1) Tell Magazine (1) Terrorist Attack (1) The Uncoventional Clergy woman (1) The Bauchi Killings (1) The EU Summit Report (1) The Eritrea history (1) The July 10 Martyr (1) The Liberian Women peace building effort (1) The O.A.U 5 (1) The PM Tabloid (1) The danger of a single story (1) The late social Crusader (1) The meeting with London Bloggers (1) The rescued kitten (1) This Violence must stop (1) Tips to having a Happy Relationship (1) Traditional Role (1) Transforming Nigeria (1) Travelling through Africa by Road (1) Tribute to Chief Gani Fawehinmi (1) Tyranny (1) Umar Mutallab (1) Understanding Security (1) Uzoma's Justice (1) Verastically Vera (1) WORLD AIDS DAY (1) We need peace in our land (1) Women E-Campaigners` Training (1) Women In Technology. ICT4D (1) Wrong Culture and Belief (1) Yar'adua (1) Youth as agents of Change (1) meeting US bloggers (1) my love (1)