Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Before I lost her

And she took ill. She battled to regain her health . It took forever and this wish never came to be. It was diagnosed that she's got Mysthenia Gravis, a rare but terminal illness.

Then the battle began, the battle to take care of her, while keeping my 7 to 7 cafe job, while struggling to pay the bills. I wished for her to be well, she wished for me not to suffer so much. With lack of resources, we struggled on. We struggled to get her expensive drugs, we struggled to feed. No help was enough for us.

I was becoming thiner and sicker. She noticed and wept. Forever wanting things to be different. Yes, she wished even when she didn't communicate it, I could sense it, I could feel it, the pains in her silence. She watched as I struggle to make things work out for us. She watched as I struggled with my job and with taking care of her.

At some point in her illness, her doctor ordered some tests to be done in far away in Lagos. I had to get to Lagos. I had to get the tests done. Doctor said they were very important. So I had to look for away to get to Lagos as fuel scarcity and hike in transportation fares were the order of the moment. The expense of travelling far to get her expsensive drugs in this fuel scarcity time had drained the little money we had left. What was there to be done?

Then help shown up. My then boss asked me to follow her car to Lagos. I was happy. I had to go to her house and wait for her driver and one of her younger brothers to go with us. Then, I was faced with cruelty. I was faced with her yet another younger brother with that wicked look. Always cold and distant. Always looking angry. He was often in his army cap or uniform but he wasn't in the service no longer.

He ordered me out of their abode. I protested cuz I have done nothing wrong (I thought). The driver persuaded me to leave and wait outside. In my confused state, I moved out but not fast enough as he (the cold looking brother of my boss) approached me with horsewhip! Who was that meant for? It was for me. I was horsewhipped! It was merciless. It was non-stop! People gahered and watched helplessly. No one could come to my rescue

Why oh why. I was beating by a psychiatric patient. Why was I never told he is not mentally okay? Why was I never warned to be careful around him even when he came to the cafe? And she carried with me, YES MY SICK MOTHER DID.

I had to proceed to Lagos but the test didn't save her. I lost her in a cold and wicked day of 25th February, 2003 to be precise. She departed unceremoniously.

DAMN THE HOSPITAL SYSTEM!
DAMN OUR POOR FINANCIAL STATE!
DAMN THE SOCIETY THAT LIKES PARTY INSTEAD OF STARTING FOUNDATIONS THAT CAN HELP!
DAMN EVERYTHING THAT WENT WRONG!

That was how "Maami" (my mother) left. To be seen know more. To talk to know more. To fight with no more. To pray for me know more. To love me know more...

It's being SIX YEARS but it feels like yesterday.Continue to rest in peace mami. It's been so so lonely without you. And to Standtall Husband mother, who died same day 2 years apart, you are on our minds.

32 comments:

Rita said...

Oh Standtall...I join you as you remember the departure of these women. I guess it is so painful that despite all you went through, Mammi's life was not saved. Sorry.

Please hold on to the treasureable moments you had with her.

LG said...

may the souls of the departed continue to rest in peace (amen)

doug said...

I commiserate with you on this remembrance of your dear mother. I'm sure she's smiling down on you from Heaven and urging you on in all your endeavours.

How are you Standtall?

Grahamn Kracker said...

I was terribly worried as I read this story. Thank you for sharing it. I lost my father just under two years ago and mother three, and the circumstances behind those deaths continue to haunt me. Their memories are with me every day.

Are you still in Bangalore?

Dee! said...

May the souls of these great women continually rest in peace!

NoLimit said...

May her soul RIP…with long life will He satisfy us and show us His salvation…how are you?

miz-cynic said...

aaahhh baby. i cant believe u who seems so strong coulda ever been in such a vulnerable position,pele! now a lot of things figure.

tobenna said...

dammit, Standtall.
I have missed your blog.
Sorry for your loss, but glad also that Mammi's at rest.
Cheer up dear.
Your damnations, I can relate to.
But its clear from your posts that you are doing what you can in your own small corner, to change things.

How are you keeping?

Artsville said...

May You mammi's soul continue to rest in peace and may you continue to do exploits that will make her proud wherever she is.

Dammy said...

May her soul rest in peace.


Who can fathom the love of a mother? So selfless and true!

Friends can be replace but not mothers.

Take heart.

Buttercup said...

im so sorry..gosh, thats just terrible..

may God continue to grant u and ur husband strength to bear the losses and may they continually rest in peace..amen..

naija bloggers' awards said...

hey!
the 2009 Naija Bloggers' Awards have started!!
please click here to participate.

wordmerchant said...

May her sould rest in peace...so sorry standtall. It not easy losing anyone, especially your mother. Take care xxx

Oluwadamilola said...

May you find comfort as you remember your mothers. amen.

simplegal said...

Standtall, I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. May God continue to strengthen you and your husband, and may their souls rest in perfect peace.

I'm sure your mum is very proud of you and all you've accomplished. Take heart dear.

Olufunke said...

I am really sorry about your loss.
I can imagine what you all went through all the while she was sick.
and I can realte to your damnations..........ITs so sad, the kind of soceity we live in.

What can we say?......Thanking God for your life and who you are now....

aloted said...

so sorry to read about this...wow after all you went through...it is well...

bumight said...

standtall, im so sorry for your loss. When i think of healthcare in naija, i just get heated up.

Be confident in the assurance that she rests in the bossom of the Lord.

Ms.O said...

It is well. May they rest in peace.

Temite said...

oh sorry dearest. It is well. Remember that her momories are yours to keep. xoxo

Kitten said...

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your mother and the horrible situation with that madman.

I offer hugs and compassion.

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

May Mamii continue to rest in peace.
Amen.

May Standtall's Husband's mother continue to rest in peace.
Amen.

May you both and everyone who has lost a loved one in a senseless way, due to our nation's inability to properly cater to the needy (financially, healthwise, educationally) be granted strength to overcome their disappointment and sorrows.

I had never heard of MGFA until I read your testimony. Stay strong, my sista.

Afrobabe said...

Thats a very sad story love...

May her sould rest in peace. she will be proud to look down and see what you have become today

pink-satin said...

omg...am so sorry!may they continue to rest in peace

FineBoy Agbero said...

Hmmm. I'm so touched by this...
May her soul rest in perfect peace as she continues to live on in your heart...
Pele dear.

poeticallytinted said...

I love you sweetie. We all do. BIG HUG. I hope your trip was fulfilling and welcome back! will give you a call for all the gist.

Rose said...

God you're comforter saw you through this difficult time,and will continue to comfort you.
Wonderful women.The type the younger generation must look up to.

Congratulations on India,and the scholarship.i would have been here earlier,but for lousy connection.
Stay safe babe o.k
Thanks for welcoming me.!

Afronuts said...

ooh...my...ohh my
Ty I never knew you lost your mum like this.
Even if its been six years, I can still feel your pain thru this post.

I don't know what to even say. this post brought tears to my eyes...not only because its a sad story but because I've known you as a friend and it hurts more when it happens to a friend...

May your Mum's soul continue to rest in peace...

Omo Oba said...

Thank you for sharing this.
Sun re, Mammi.

Writefreak said...

Wow Standtall, you have me in 'almost' tears here..
It must have hurt so bad!

It is well *sighs*...at least she's got a very good legacy in you and she'll be very proud of you if she was here now!

Geebee said...

I've been away from blogville for a minute and apparently missed this post . . . So sorry about your mom. . . Six years could feel like yesterday when memories are rekindled. A mother is priceless and getting over a loss of one is near impossible and I pray God grants you the fortitude to move on. The coincidence in the passing of your husband's mom is pretty unique and it must mean something special. God sure knows best. Keep your head up, sis. I pray our system gets better pretty soon. Things have got to change around here.

Tisha said...

i am so sorry about your mom. our health system is truly appalling
so sad but i guess u did ur best.
take heart

My Passion, my focus, the change that I want to see in the world - is my propellent factor.

Label Cloud

Gender (72) Feminism (46) Interview Thursday (46) Gender Equality (38) Poem (36) Gender and Development (29) Cat lover (24) Cat Tuesday (22) Women's Human Rights (19) Cats World (16) Music (15) 16 Days of Activism (11) Africa (11) Violence Against Women (8) Information Sharing (7) Nigeria Development (7) Women and Leadership (7) Children Rights (6) Exprience (6) Leadership (6) Rest in Peace (6) Change and Development (5) Corruption (5) Day to Day Exprience (5) Events (5) Governance (5) MDGs (5) Peace and Security Fellowship for African Women (5) Relationship (5) Security and Development (5) Women (5) Call for Application (4) Change Maker (4) Dairy (4) Mistake (4) Navy abuse of Uzoma Okere (4) Nigeria in Focus (4) Relationship and Marriage (4) The Feminist Cats (4) BlogHer (3) Chicago July Trip (3) Children (3) Discrimination Against Women (3) Domestic Violence (3) Injustice (3) King;s College Fellowship (3) Lessons (3) Niger Delta Crisis (3) Online Community (3) Religion Matters (3) Travelling (3) Wedding (3) Women Activists (3) Women Empowerment (3) Women in Governance (3) Youth (3) democracy in Nigeria (3) 2009 Edition (2) A girl-Soldier (2) Activism (2) Annivesary (2) BlogHer Conference Scholarship (2) Bloggers for life (2) Democracy and its Struggle (2) Female writers (2) Forced Marriage (2) IAC09 (2) ICT4D (2) International Wome's Rights Day 2008 (2) Journey to London (2) LGBTI (2) Lack of respect for other people's perspectives. (2) Life from Cape Town in South Africa (2) Lovely Cats (2) Male Child Preference (2) Male Child and Domestic Chores (2) Memories (2) My Boss (2) My life in London (2) Nigerian Youth and Development (2) Nigerianstalk (2) No to VAW (2) Rape (2) Sexual Violence and GBV (2) Taking Peace and Security (2) Technology Camp for Girls (2) The Admired Female Bloggers (2) The Changemakers (2) The Future of Nigerian children (2) The Late Kudirat Abiola's Remembrance (2) The Martyr of Democracy (2) The girl child and her chanllenges (2) Untimely death (2) Uzoma Okere court hearing (2) V-Monologues (2) Violation of Human Rights (2) Women making a difference (2) 10 years remembrance for the O.A.U 5. (1) 1in 9 Campaign (1) 2010 self-surfacing resolutions (1) A Ride with my Father (1) A just world with God (1) ALF Program (1) AWID Forum 2008 (1) Activism Scholarship (1) Adaeze Experience (1) African Sexualities (1) Aspiring Filmmaker (1) Bad Leaders (1) Beating by a mad man (1) Becoming my Cats (1) CSDG (1) Career (1) Child Marriage (1) Children without education (1) Children without future (1) Climate Change (1) Conflicts (1) Corrpution and Hooliganism (1) Court System (1) DLTW for Young Female Doctors (1) Democracy Day (1) Divorce and Marriage (1) Dupe In Kenya (1) ECOSAP (1) Evangelist Taye Ajiboye (1) Extreme poverty (1) Female Circumcision (1) Female Film-Makers (1) Girls in Technology (1) Global Warming (1) Government (1) Hafsat Abiola and KIND (1) Human Behaviour and attitudes (1) I didn't do it for you by Michela Wrong (1) ICT and Women (1) Images from Mali (1) Incest (1) Indecent Dressing Bill (1) Info -Activism (1) Internattional Bloggers Community Award (1) Job Search (1) Journey across Africa (1) June 8 and Abacha’s death (1) Kenya July Trip (1) Knowing our continent (1) Lagos State Government (1) MOBILIZATION (1) Mali (1) Marriage (1) Michela Wrong book on Eritrea (1) Mother 6th Remembrance (1) Movement Building. AWID Forum 2008 (1) My first post from London (1) My health (1) NDQ Interview (1) Naija Blogger Awards 2009 (1) Natural Hair (1) Negative quotation on women (1) Newspaper review (1) Nigeria Media (1) Nigerian Sporting Activities (1) Nigerians and Abacha’s death (1) No light (1) No to FGM (1) Obama Prank (1) Outsanding Ore (1) PHCN and Nigeria Government (1) Passing though Ghana (1) Passing through Burkina Security and Development (1) Pastor Kehinde Ajiboye (1) Peace and Secuirty issues in the Horn (1) Police Force (1) Polygamist (1) Pregnancy and child bearing in marriage (1) Punishment of an elderly woman in Saudi (1) Rape Victim (1) Road and Bus Evangelism (1) Road trip to Mali (1) SOLIDARITY WTH WOMEN WHO SPEAK OUT (1) Self Defence for Women (1) Senseless killing by armed robbers (1) Serious Issues (1) Standtall Adevnture (1) Suicide bombing (1) Summit (1) Tactical Tech (1) Take Back the Tech (1) Tell Magazine (1) Terrorist Attack (1) The Uncoventional Clergy woman (1) The Bauchi Killings (1) The EU Summit Report (1) The Eritrea history (1) The July 10 Martyr (1) The Liberian Women peace building effort (1) The O.A.U 5 (1) The PM Tabloid (1) The danger of a single story (1) The late social Crusader (1) The meeting with London Bloggers (1) The rescued kitten (1) This Violence must stop (1) Tips to having a Happy Relationship (1) Traditional Role (1) Transforming Nigeria (1) Travelling through Africa by Road (1) Tribute to Chief Gani Fawehinmi (1) Tyranny (1) Umar Mutallab (1) Understanding Security (1) Uzoma's Justice (1) Verastically Vera (1) WORLD AIDS DAY (1) We need peace in our land (1) Women E-Campaigners` Training (1) Women In Technology. ICT4D (1) Wrong Culture and Belief (1) Yar'adua (1) Youth as agents of Change (1) meeting US bloggers (1) my love (1)