Interview Thursday "...I wouldn't attribute the single fact that women are doing better for themselves as a cause of the higher divorce rates"- Mgbeke

It was a great pleasure to have a blogger I admire with her boldness and truthfulness mixed with a lot of fun- [at least that is the sense I get each time I visit her blog]. She describes herslef as a razz Igbo woman who decided to bring her craze to Blogsphere. Prior to discovering Blogsville, she was on the formerly popular site...Xanga.com, where she was airing her thoughts and observations on the world wide web at a young age. Apart from blogging, she enjoys people, watching, laughing and cracking herself up, bargain hunting, collecting shoes (as she believes a woman can never have too many), any opportunity to go out to eat, travelling and generally having a good time...among others.Like Vera and Afrobabe, this is a blog with an average of 25 comments per post. Original Mgbeke is trully Original and she is sharing with Standtall this Thursday....

You made an interesting post on your blog in September 2009 with the Heading " I am not a man Hater", and I agree with the issues raised that made you get upset with the subjugated views of women, I want to know from your point of view if it is really compulsory for everyone to be married?

No, I do not think that marriage is compulsory. I think that ideally, most of us would love to be married and have someone to share the rest of our lives with but unfortunately, this is not going to happen for everybody and so if it doesn't happen, let's learn to not kill ourselves over that fact. I also think that the pressures that we place on ourselves, as well as the pressures that society places on ourselves makes it seem like marriage is compulsory. Especially for us women, It's like you hit a certain age, there's no man and sight and everyone is asking you questions and your entire family appears to be holding prayer meetings on your behalf. It's factors like this, that make it appear to be that our generation is not even running down the aisle in this day and age, we are literally galloping with the next available person because we think that marriage is compulsory. It's also this mindset that marriage is compulsory that attributes to a whole bunch of unhappy married individuals who rushed into the marriage in the first place. Long story short, marriage is not a compulsory or by-force matter and I hope that we can all learn to accept that fact and not strangle ourselves if along the line, we don't have a spouse to share the rest of our lives with.

In this day and age, women are having break through in jobs and financial independence, do you think this is responsible for divorce rate being on the increase?
I do not think that the fact that women are having break through jobs and greater financial independence should be attributed to higher divorce rates. I think that it really depends, as in a woman might have a great job and be the breadwinner in her household, yet she may still respect her husband and uphold him as the head of the household. If the husband is an insecure man who can't handle the fact that his wife makes more than him, then sure it could lead to problems in the marriage which could ultimately spell divorce. In the same vein, such a woman could be the breadwinner and cease to respect her husband, and that is definitely asking for trouble in your marriage the minute you stop respecting your husband because you make $100k and he makes $50k. Those factors could certainly lead to divorce but I wouldn't attribute the single fact that women are doing better for themselves as a cause of the higher divorce rates.

Can you clarify what you mean by respect as some people view this to be submitting to the whimps and caprices of your man, is that what you meant?
Let me clarify. In my opinion, respecting your husband is not about being a slave, submitting to foolishness or kneeling down to greet him and serve him food. When I say respect, I mean that as a woman, you should respect your hubby and continue to stand by him despite the odds. Like I said in my example, the fact that I make 100k and he makes 50k, should not give me a right to start talking down to him, or disrespecting him. When he says A, I will say B and add 'after all, I pay all the bills in this house so you really can't tell me nothing'. That's what I mean by disrespect. Sure, I could make more and pay more of the bills but if he's still going out there and working hard, staying focused and showing ambition by wanting more for himself, being a great husband and father then he deserves my respect and the differences in earning power won't change anything.

Note to men:- Notice the clauses for earning a woman's respect o! Don't go and be balancing on couch and being a total bum and an unfocused, unmotivated somebody because you've seen 'breadwinner' because tomorrow when they disrespect you, don't say that you didn't see that one coming.

Would you rather be married and unhappy or single and happy or divorced and happy?
Definitely single and happy. In terms of marriage, I would rather not get married at all if I deem a man to be someone who will sap my energy and happiness. In the unfortunate event that I get married, and along the line things between me and my husband go sour and have passed the point of no return, then what's the use in hanging onto the marriage if I'm unhappy? I mean, it's like you wanna look forward to going home to your family especially after a long day at work. The last thing I wanna do is to roll my eyes at the thought of going home, or be requesting to work overtime because I don't want to go home and dwell in my unhappiness. My happiness is key to me, and if something ain't right and it can't be fixed through prayer, counseling and what have you, then too bad but I won't lose my sanity on top the marriage sha o.

If you have a chance to change something in the world, what will it be?
I would wave my magic wand and we would all just get along. Every single one of us...none of that war ish, none of those crazed serial killers shooting, none of the ridiculous drama that some of us experience in our personal lives. If we all got along, life would be much simpler.

In the Nigerian constitution, a woman that marries a foreigner cannot have her husband become a Nigeria while a man can, what do oyu think of this?
I guess this is a good time to display my ignorance and confess that I had no idea about this. Very interesting...I think it's quite stupid and even sexist but for some reason, I'm not surprised. Is it not our great country, after all?

You blog posts are always so interesting and thought provoking, the recent post is you dumping your independent status for a rich man-lol. Is this a joke or do you think there is really no need for a woman to be independent?
I was half kidding (hint hint, rich men are still wanted) but to keep it real, I think that women definitely need to sample a lifestyle of fending for oneself and doing things for oneself, even if a rich man might be on our wishlists. It makes you more self sufficient and when you finally snag the man, you will appreciate the concept of working hard for money and won't be uselessly spending his money anyhow. In addition to that, if you want a rich man, you should meet the man at least halfway or something. Experience life doing things for yourself. Buy your own ish...be it your own drinks at the club, your own clothes, your own car etc. You can't be at point ZERO and expect your captain save-a-chick to swoop in and completely cover you 100%...tomorrow now, when kasala[problem] burst the man will remind you that he paid for even the panties that you are wearing. Much as I dislike some aspects of the independent lifestyle, it's a nice feeling to know that you don't have to rely on anyone to be able to do well for youself. Now, in my post I see where most people conveniently skipped my reference to 'a buying and selling business on the side' or 'salary for stay at home money'...long story short, even as I plan to quit my job and marry a rich man, I still plan on getting mines so I will technically still be a paid chick making her own money. Hehehehehe

There are some articles about some men going for rich ladies because of their money, don't you think this is no big deal if we have to think of what is good for the goose..?
I always say, you do what makes you happy. If a man wants to be 'kept', then no shakings. The only down side to this is that men have egos and so you need to be able to humble yourselves in this quest to be kept. I mean, the woman might love you and truly respect you but because she said something like 'baby, please buy milk on your way home'...the man will now start vexing that 'Imagine, she has the nerve to ask me to go and buy groceries like I am a housewife, is it because she is making all the money..?', that kain thing...guys, you know how some of you can be. One love my people.

Would 50-50 contributions in marriage/relationship better? What is your stand on this?
50/50 contributions would be perfect in an ideal world. Let me use America for instance where the man and woman would both work 9-5, and have a joint account where they chip in an equal amount of money into paying the mortgage/rent, bills etc etc. If the man comes home before the woman, he starts dinner, and if the woman comes home before the man, she starts dinner. When the children need to be fed and taken care of, both the man and the woman take care of that on an equal basis, and when the household needs to be cleaned, the man and woman would take care of that on an equal basis...none of that 'it's a woman's job' kind of deal. Unfortunately, 50/50 contributions do not seem to exist as it seems to be that ultimately it's us the women who have to deal with a greater % of caring for the home, along with maintaining a 9-5 as a full time career woman. Women try o! If you're a guy reading this, when you get home make sure you give your wives a big fat kiss and tell her how much you appreciate her.

My solution to this is that if my husband wants to come home at 5pm and wait for me to get home at 7pm so I can cook dinner for him and the kids/if I have to bear a good chunk of the homemaker responsibilities and be a super career woman + full time mommy and home maker, then when it's time to pay the bills I will contribute 10% while he handles the remaining 90%. Ladies and Gentlemen, what ya say? Because this ojoro[cheating] must end.

What is the purpose of your blog?
I'm just a regular ol' chick who started a blog to air my thoughts and random observations. I'm a big people watcher and I'm constantly thinking thoughts and what not, so I figured that a blog would be a good place to be yarning my own.

What have you gained or lost through blogging?
Gains:- I have 'met' really great people, and I put the word in quotes because I have never even seen some of these people but they show a sister love, and I am very very appreciative. I have also gotten a chance to be exposed to different people with a very interesting variety of mindsets and views. It's really been a very interesting journey and I'm glad I discovered the wonderful world of blogsville.

Loss:- Time and energy! Blogging is a full time job sha o, it's like you gotta make all these rounds and then reply to your comments (which I soo fell off doing) and what not. That can take up some serious time so these days, I tend to put everything off till the weekend. No love lost though, I enjoy losing time and energy over blogsville. Hahahaha.