She is got her space; she's got her privacy, totally no intrusion. There are some concerns though as it is known you get to know a person better when you are together, like she pours water on the floor and won’t look back to mop it until she is told or I simply would do it. Hubby cooks if he gets home before us and my friend now believes that either hubby or I would cook, she will simply disappear into her room when she gets back from work not that she does this all the time but it’s a normal practise. She would finish eating and drop the plate in the sink till the following day. At times, she leaves her used plates and pots in the morning and dashes off to work. She is always out on weekends and that is always an excuse not to wash the toilet and bathroom when it’s her turn.
What happened was that one day she left the used pot and plates in the kitchen and went to work. I sent her a text message so she could know that the act was not appreciated. I did this in order to avoid saying the wrong thing if I tackled this on face to face basis and making her feel bad. So, that passed after she generated an excuse for not washing them (as usual) though she never stopped the habit of leaving her plate in the sink till the following day or just leaving it behind for me to do the washing or hubby would wash the plates if he is doing the chores.
Just a few nights ago, she came from work, went to sleep, woke up later to eat out of the beans that hubby cooked, left the only plate she used in the sink (the truth is, I can’t stand that dirty habit, wash your plates after use and don’t pile them up), dressed up for vigil. She came back in the morning and the plate has already being washed, only for her to use up another plate and pot, drop them in the sink and left for work!!!
When I saw this, I thought I had to address this issue, I sent this text message.
My text: “Ore (friend) na wa o, please be taking time to wash your plates instead of leaving them in the sink, it will only take 2 mins! Have a nice day”.
Her reply: “ Na wah for you o, must you talk all the time? How many times have I done that this week? The Abo Ajase (pot) burnt this morning and I soaked it. Please I am not a baby!”
My reply: Well, I don’t expect this reply. I don’t see any big deal in talking to a friend about an issue that should be resolved. And this is not about how many times you have done it this week because I am not counting. All I am asking is wash your plates after eating and stop leaving it behind. I am not referring to Ajase (pot) alone; you left your plate too. I sent the text as a sign of respect and to avoid confrontation. And since you think you are being treated like a baby, always do what is right so I can keep my mouth shut!”
Do tell me something blogville, have I overreacted? How best do I handle issues like this taking into consideration that it’s natural to be freer to one friend than the other, when serious issues are involved?
Speak freely please.
N:B. Another June 12 is here. This is the true DEMOCRACY DAY!!!
30 comments:
Too harsh? U were too nice sef! I have a very high tolerance level, but that sort of stuff would just crack me one day. Give her a mouthful, its ur house, she should live by the rules, friend or not.
I hate to wash plates but I understand you point of view. And yay for June 12.
I'm a stickler for order so my dear, you were not harsh and the fact dat this isn't her first, second or third time, and she has mouth to be talking
You handled it with maturity because I know I would've lost it by now, Your place, your rules. I don't think it shld be a problem, A 12yr friendship shld withstand this
ah... ur ore seem like she has mouth oh... its is ur house and she must live by the rules...
first off...lol at Ajase pot...buhahaha
anyhoo err, really u didn't overreact,besides u were not rude, i mean, is she taking the piss or what?
somepeople would have done worse, but u spoke to her about it and if she was ure friend, she ought to respect that!....
How are u jo?
p.s..if u see the trouble ure blog wanted to put me into just now...the music wan send my number call police 4 me..abed no koba mi
"akoba adaba olorun ma ja ri...lol
you did the right thing jo!! and ur even trying to be diplomatic! mehnnn some people..i dont think i would have handled it as nicely as you!
u underreacted o...and people always take peeps like that for granted....but your lineof action was wise and mature..
Same as the 3 comments above. It might sound harsh but its true. Taking out time to explain the house rules early might have helped. Have a house conference & lay down the rules nicely...
Dearie, U nor harsh at all, U try sef wit d sms, if na her house nko??
people sef!!! nor mind her jare sofar she wash everything wey she dey use GBAM!! norrin do u!!
how Oga n dos......*winks*
over reacted????????? ur so nice. there are so may people like that who take advantage of situations. I suggest if u can hang around when she finishes eating and watch her drop the plate without washing, then "politely insult" her about it. Please dont let her think she can get away with such
@Onydchic, thanks for ur advice, I was trying to have a minimal rules as possible cos I have stayed with a lot of pple in he past and I knew they have some mean rules hence my caution.
@Sugabelly: Yes, there are some chores we all might not like to do but when you are with other pple you just try ur best to do what you ought to do.
@Zena: thanks doll. I once had to stay in her apartment when I had acommodation problem. She was not aorund then and when she got back, she could not believe that i have put her room in order!!! She was so grateful for that. Not that I expect the same form her but I once stayed with a friend that likes to put everything in order and all I did was to follow in her shoe, so I won't get her angry or something
@Allied: Yeah, I think you are right even though I want to be careful to set any rules that might not be fair. I repsect her space a lot but just a lil consideration to do what's is all I need.
@ Ajike: Mi-lady, we didn't even talk about it when I later saw her. We just got back to our normal life. But I won't tolerate this kind of behaviour anymore shd it be repeated. So, you too know Ajase pot? (lol).
I am fine o. Pele for the muzik on mi-blog. Akoba adaba olorun ma je a ri. Amin!!!
Tintin: Thanks. I have learnt via dealing with people that it's good to try to be diplomatic. I hope I get better at it.
@Charizard: I underreacted? Lmao
@Lamikayty: Thanks for stopping by. I was just being careful with house rules so she wont feel she is being treated somehow.
LG: I like the "norrin do u" part a lot (lol),. Thanks. Hubby and dos... are fine o ***wink***
@ Funms: Hang around till se finishes her food? Kai, that will start a 3rd world war o.
You couldn't have been more diplomatic...
This chick sef...she could exercise some common courtesy because she is in someone else's house.
I know how you feel about dishes...i cannot stand them in the sink...infact she is taking liberties....she needs some house rules sharp sharp.
U r nice oh.
Really avn a friend in ur house isn't d best as she is likely gonna take u 4 granted or u be 2222 9ce 2 confront her.
Please talk 2 her face to face, lay some rules down, n let there b punishment 4 not obeying them (if u get what I mean). Asin obey d rules or move out.
Also pray bout the issue, so as to obtain wisdom 4rm on high.
Sistah mi, for how long is this friend going to stay? Because she looks like she would cause major trouble later. I dont think you're being harsh but I just think her stay is temporal. If it is just hold your breath till she leaves. If's it's permanent, then I think you made the wrong decision in inviting her in. Just my opinion, I could be wrong.
LOL..y do friends always take the piss?? i think you were reasonable!
Sweetie, chances are that even though there was a mini-confrontation (you using the sms method secured that katakata did not bust out), she will not leave her dishes again or she will not just eat. Better!
*How are you?
You should ask her to get her own place speedily. However you handle this, though, its going to blow up in your face.
The regular thinking 'squatter' wouldnt need to be asked to wash the plate she used. A normal reaction would be to leave the place better than you met it and that's not as hard as it sounds. So she's not 'normal'.
@Jarrai: Yes, can't stand dishes in the sink. Afterall, I dont talk when she leaves used dishes in her room for a day or 2!!!
@ oluwadee: Thanks a lot dearie. I will definitely heed your advice.
@ Naijaleta: I think it's temporary cos we are all relocating from our current place by the end of the yr. And I wasn't gonna talk b4 but couldnt help it
@ Flabby: Thanks mi-lady
@ Kemmie: I am fine dear, thanks a lot. ANd you r right, there is a change
@ Laspapi: This sounds like a typical great Ife resolution (lol). Hmmm "she is not normal".Waht can I say. You are right abt squatters leaving a place than hey met it sha . Thanks a bunch
for real, you gentle gan o. I mean I understand it you have to head out quickly, and plan to wash later, but mehn, ko si omodo o. lol.
another thing tho, is the text messages. I'm the kind person who'd rather send a message than do a face to face confrontation and risk an argument or worse, a blow to my face (that God will make prettier), lol. I had a friend who got really pissed off cos I was always sending messages (talking about making her feel unapproachable). I was like ore, na for the general good of all of us o, cos we don't want me saying something that Baba God wont want me to say. U na'a mean?
Thanks for featuring my blog, Lol. (i just noticed it). Enjoy the weekend!
@ Isha: you r welcom mi-syster. I wonder why pple dont take text messages as a way of resolving issues quietly without confrontation. Especially when it sounds polite. Anyway, diffrent strokes.
its just so sad that when one offers help, u hardly ever get appreciated....sweetie, as errone has said, u werent harsh at all...im assumin shes grown enough to know wassup n if shes not, maybe u need to employ some other measures...take it easy!
first of all wetin be abo ajase? is it a special kind of pot...pls dont mind my ignorance, mi o gbo ri ni o.
men its always hard when u have people staying with u..or when u r sharing a house with someone..kai...
at least she knows how u feel about it now...hope she has improved??
pele o this too shall pass!
Aloted: Abo Ajase is acutally not a pot, it's this covered serving plates that we put rice, stew and what have you for pple to take what they want to eat into thier actual plates. They always come in steps with different designs on them. We just converted ours to pots!!! Thanks for your sweet words
oh now i get it...lol..didn't know that was the yoruba name for them...hehehe...nice one! thanks for enlightening me
enjoy your week!
Harsh ke! You were too sweet! I hope your ore appreciates you for that! You see, that's why I lay down my rules for long term visitors (if I allow them in). You either stick to my rules or ...
In all sha, keep applying wisdom.
Thanks for visiting!
Im staying witha friend and your comments made me go over my actions. I wash my plates o! But there are other things I could be doing better. You were not harsh o! at all. Most times I wish my friend could tell me if im doing anything wrong not that im going out o look for trouble but So far she hasnt complained about anything but I try to notice her unspoken comments.
Kai this is becoming a a blog post. Anyway relax ahen she has her own home she will appreciate you more, her stinking plates will probably chase her out of her own place, thanks for stoppping by my blog.
ha. u try sef. this is d kind of thing infuriates me. i may not have done better dan u (n fact, am most likely 2 do worse) so i shall comment my reserve 4 dis matter
@ Dee, thanks a lot.
@Olaoluwatomi, I feel you and you r highly welcome.
@ Free-Flowing Florida, well you are commenting your reserve all right (lol)
O girl, she might have been your friend for 12 years but it looks like this is infringing on you guys rights as the owners of the house, so she might have to leave. She needs to respect the rules. Your husband and you are not her housemaids to be cleaning up and cooking for her. You've been good with informing her of your grouse in a calm manner without shouting or malice or carrying post office face oh, so she should be grateful.
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