Thursday, August 13, 2009

Interview Thursday:" It is not and has never been our culture for a woman to take on the name of her husband"- Sugabelly

-->She is a defender of all that is good and progressive about Nigeria, she is a critic of all that is wrong and inhuman. She is an entrepreneur, a pro-woman and an intellect. Sugabelly is my guest on "Interview Thursday"!

I have come to view you as a very brave, intelligent, and no-nonsense taker kind of lady, what inspire you to start your blog?
Thank you! I originally started blogging as a way to deal with the overflow from my journals. I write a lot and once kids in school noticed they started stealing my journals. I couldn’t have that so I moved a lot of stuff online to a secret Livejournal blog (it’s been shut down now though).

What do you intend to achieve via your blog?
So my blog was originally (and still is) my personal purgatory for all my emotional troubles but it seems quite a number of people have begun to read my blog and so I find that I can’t exactly pour out all the gory details of my life anymore. To make up for that, I blog about other things that I’m interested in: Nigeria, Igbo culture, African music, and other random stuff.
As far as achievement goes, I recently discovered that a bunch of Asians actually read my blog. It never occurred to me before that non-Africans might read my blog, so I hope that any non-Africans that read my blog will come to see Nigerians (and by extension Africans) as real, multi-dimensional people with real lives who are intellectual, fall in love, go to work, have fun, etc. So many people from the rest of the world just can’t relate to or imagine Africans outside the context of poverty, AIDS, and disease. Everyone needs to realize that half the time these are not the things that occupy our minds. We have hopes and dreams and aspirations like everyone else. We have great loves and terrible enemies. We have amazing cultures but at the same time we are trying to negotiate a world that would rather rid us of our culture and we are trying to reconcile the two, so I hope they see that because lots of people will never visit Nigeria and our blogs are pretty much the only window they have into our part of the world.

You are an entrepreneur and you have started your clothes line as well as an Igbo Language Institute, how has the journey being for you?
There’s nothing quite like starting your own company. I think everyone should try it at least once in their life. I have probably learned more in a year than I thought I’d be learning from school. Running a tshirt company (albeit a teeny tiny one) is tough but it’s great because I’m an International Business major and it’s fun to learn something in class and then say ‘okay, how can I apply this to my business?’. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, some small, some big, and I even had to shut down after a year to re-structure (and have a better website built) so I would say it’s been one big learning experience. I changed the name of my company, I changed the logo, I changed so many things and I’m probably going to change more things, but I’m enjoying learning how to effectively manage a business.
As for the Igbo Academy, let me just say that nothing is without its challenges. I knew from the beginning that there would be lots of Igbo people that would be totally resistant to any change and I think what I need most is to be okay with that. A lot of the time I run around screaming ‘But something is so obviously wrong!!! Why can’t you see that??” Maybe I’m just impatient because I never had anybody to be patient with (I’m an only child) but I just realized that people will take their sweet time and I need to deal with it. (I’m not good at dealing sometimes). The Igbo Academy will continue because it is needed. We Igbos haven’t achieved language actualization yet, and until we do, we need to keep doing research on our language and coming up with solutions for linguistic problems.
I am super excited because I finally launched the blog for The Ndebe Project! Can I plug here? Okay, shameless plug – Please visit http://ndebe.blogspot.com where you can learn to speak Igbo for free online and learn to write it with the Ndebe script.

What inspired your passion for the Igbo Academy and what have you achieved by starting it?
I started the Igbo Academy because MASSIVE communication problems exist within the Igbo language. The reality is that no Igbo person can go through a full day in a city without saying at least one English word, and this is not because people do not know how to speak Igbo but because there simply are no Igbo words for half the things that we encounter on a daily basis. Even our great-great grandparents whom I am sure speak impeccable Igbo would be stumped on an average day in Abuja because the words don’t exist. Unfortunately the expansion of our language stopped when we came into contact with the Europeans. They brought new things with them and rather than create names for these new things we simply gave up on our language altogether, preferring to speak English.
A lot of Igbo people don’t like to admit it but Igbo is a stilted, sadly limited language. Let me say for clarity’s sake that if Igbo had been nurtured and encouraged to grow as new technologies and new things emerged it would be one of the richest languages on Earth but the truth is that as a people we have not nurtured our language and we have not helped it to develop. Igbo people are among some of the most ardent followers of all things European and only in the last five years has there been some sort of cultural renaissance among us. For a long time we’ve been all about slavishly adopting western culture, language, and behaviour even to the point of self-effacement. The truth is, there are a lot of Igbo parents out there that refuse to teach their children Igbo. There are a lot of Igbo parents that give their children only English names. There are a lot of Igbo parents that honest-to-God believe that English is far superior to Igbo. I believe that while English has to be by far the most expansive language in the world, it is not superior to Igbo or any other language for that matter.
Perhaps the most positive thing the Igbo Academy has achieved in its short existence so far is renewed interest in Igbo language and culture. I think that because I’m sharing some of the findings of the research on Igbo culture and language that I’m doing under The Academy more Igbo people that read my blog or that are members of the group are now more interested in their language and their culture and I think more people are now actively seeking out information about Igbo. Hopefully this spreads out to the greater Igbo population and the Igbo language will develop and expand while retaining its authenticity and cultural purity.
Can you tell us more about your clothes line and how we can get to patronize you?
I design t-shirts that have to do with the social, cultural, and political mores of Nigeria. The sensation I try to evoke when I’m sketching is nostalgia. I’ve lived in America for two years now and I’ve become homesick for even the smallest things that are essentially ‘Nigerian’. Basically, I could sit on my bed and cry about how homesick I am or I could make a t-shirt that reminds me of home. I’d rather do the latter. Maybe because I save the tears for when I really need them, like for my non-existent love life.
So as I mentioned before I am currently restructuring my t-shirt company. It used to be called Barcelagos, and then for a hot minute it was Barcelago, but now it is called Dinka, which I feel, is a far more culturally appropriate name (Dinka means artisan or artist in Igbo). Dinka’s logo is a zebra wearing the traditional red Igbo hat with a feather. I love that zebra. I’ve named him Mazi Zebra. Looking at him makes me smile J
There is a new website. Dinka’s new home. Currently the website is under construction but a few weeks ago I put up a screenshot of what it looks like behind the scenes. It’s very cool actually. Fans will be able to upload pictures of their Dinka t-shirts, there will giveaways, a sale mailing list so you never miss a discount, etc. It’s a whole new look for the brand. The website will be live hopefully before the summer is over. Otherwise it will launch early in the fall term. I’m totally excited about it. Unfortunately I am currently unable to get t-shirts to people outside the United States, Canada, Mexico and Europe, but I am working on it, and as soon as this is possible, especially shipping to my beloved Nigeria, I’ll let you know! :D

You started quite a discussion on the Next online Newpaper about women not changing their names after marriage and I admire your courage, does this make you a believer of women's rights and independence?
I am completely pro-woman. I believe that women are full human beings and deserve equal rights and independence as have men. I think there are lot of women, especially Nigerian women who are the unwitting victims of brainwashing and social conditioning to the point that it is more often the women than the men that defend practices that are meant to dehumanize or subjugate them. A classic example is Female Genital Mutilation. On any given day you will find more women in support of it than men. Sometimes I think Nigerian women need mental decommissioning. It’s like some of us are robots that have been programmed with a certain set of instructions and we just act without really questioning the motives behind some of these so-called cultural practices. We need to be decommissioned in order to see the truth.
On the issue of women changing their names, I’m maintaining my position. It is not and has never been our culture (any of the myriad Nigerian cultures) for a woman to take on the name of her husband. It’s a silly European practice that infected us via the missionaries and the colonists. The annoying thing is, it’s not even a CHRISTIAN practice as many Nigerians believe, neither is it a MUSLIM practice. It’s just plain old European culture being mindlessly copied by Africans. I say no to that kind of mindless imitation. There is no justifiable reason for a woman to take on her husband’s name, and even when it comes to the children I take offense. Women do 85% percent of all the work related to children so why should the MAN be the one to get his name passed on through them?
Women suffer through pregnancy with backaches and swollen feet, then there’s the horror of giving birth, then there’s the headaches that come with incessantly crying babies, then there’s the day to day care of the child which most Nigerian men either distance themselves from or only play a very secondary role. At the end of the day, most children in a two-parent African home spend probably about 80% of parental time with their MOTHERS, yet their fathers get to beat their chests in satisfaction of the continuity of their lineage. I call bullshit. Not only will I not be changing my name when I get married, but my children MUST have a double barrel surname consisting of my surname and my husband’s surname. I deserve to have MY lineage perpetuated and I won’t accept anything less. Women do most of the work in this world and it’s about time we started getting rewarded for it.

What do you think we can do to change the wrong portray of Nigeria out there?
Nigeria is portrayed in very negative terms in most of the Western media, and my recent experience with The Philanthropist show (from NBC) made me realize that the western media is too caught up in its fantasy of Nigeria as this bad terrible place and itself (the West) as our glorious saviour for any real change to come from their end.
It is up to us as Nigerians to put out media that portrays the REAL Nigeria. Nigerians need to show the world the reality of Nigeria. We need to show the world the reality of what is good in Nigeria, and the reality of what is bad in Nigeria. Sure Nigeria has electricity and water problems, government problems, ignorance problems, but we also have amazing food, hot people, intelligence, vibrant creativity, a beautiful country, many fantastic languages and cultures, and a great sense of humour. THAT is the reality of Nigeria, not mythical hurricanes that blow floods in as far as Abuja and create mudslides in Sokoto.
Nollywood has a responsibility to do this and unfortunately, they are not stepping up to the plate. The subject matter of Nollywood movies is so poor and predictable that I am honestly amazed that people actually sit down and watch them. Nollywood movies are a huge export to the Black communities of the western world and the Carribean and there is a lost opportunity in these movies to depict Nigeria as the great place it is which the filmmakers are not taking. In the end, the Black people in other parts of the world have even more inaccurate ideas about Nigeria compounded by an unfortunate combination of Hollywood and National Geographic.
I understand that Nollywood is meant to be funny, but when you look at the messages non-Nigerian people glean from these movies, it’s not funny at all. Wasn’t it ABC or CBS that did a Nigerian scammer special based off a song that Osuofia sang for one of his comedies?
But Nollywood is not the only industry in Nigeria. All industries in Nigeria and Nigerian owned businesses should do as much as they can to be proudly Nigerian and provide good service so that people will come to associate Nigerian businesses with good service and quality products. On our end as citizens we must demand better governance and utilize the power of our votes. If it means protesting after botched elections then let’s get to it.


Is there a way we as Nigerian can better our own very image?
I think the best way for Nigerians to change our image as Nigerian individuals is by being ourselves and showing the world that Nigerians are a diverse group of intelligent, good, capable people. We need to spread into more areas of expertise not just the run-of-the-mill Doctor, Lawyer, Accountant, Engineer mold we limit ourselves to so often. A lot of people that have bad ideas about Nigeria have never met a Nigerian and have never been to Nigeria. It’s up to us to live our best lives and acknowledge and be proud of our country along the way. 
I’ve said before that I don’t like people that hide the fact that they are Nigerian. If you’re successful then please claim Nigeria in your success. It’s a chicken egg situation. People that deny Nigeria always claim that Nigeria has a bad image and so they don’t want to be associated with it, but Nigeria’s image won’t get better if honest successful people do not acknowledge their Nigerianness.


42 comments:

L-VII said...

I could be accused of having a mild obsession with SB, she is amazing and so creative. She makes me smile because she is Nigerian, because she is a woman. This was a great piece and I enjoyed reading it.

L.

Temite said...

I LOVE this little one. Seriously she is such a role model to me. She is sooooo brave and sure of herself. And intellgent and passionate and she does NOT seem to be conflicted about being exactly who she is. I am still struggling....struggling to just let myself be and she has accomplished just that at such a young age. Sugabelly, I want you to know that you give me hope....hope for our generation. You are sooo Amazing. A business woman, a poet, a changemaker, a cultural representative and just a fascinating young woman. You are the future of our country and once I become president, I will find you because you will be my minister of culture or something like that. Please keep being yourself. THE SKY IS THE LIMIT!!!!

Sting said...

I actually read every word in this interview. It was engaging, and very insightful. I think Sugabelly is awesome, 95% of the time ;) He he! But anyway, I agree with a lot of the things she said. With regards to the name change thing, some African cultures (somali for example) don't require their women to change their names.

My mentor at the lab where i worked is Nepalese and his wife is Japanese. He personally asked his wife not to take his name and for the children to answer his wife's last name because according to him, she does most of the work with parenting. Exactly what Sugabelly said. It was a personal choice he made, had nothing to do with culture or religion.

Anyway, Sugabelly keep doing what u do. I see u doing great things with ur life.

aloted said...

nice and provocative interview.

some of the things you mentioned here on rebranding Nigeria here reminds me of some of the things the girls were saying on Koko mansion- changes to media, music, Nollywood...we all have to make a change

as to name change...didn't know it wasn't in our culture..I have learnt something new today.

Personally, I am happy to take my husband's name. I don't have a problem with it as it doesnt change WHO i am or make me less of a woman. But I do agree women do MOST of the work..kai! We are stronger than men jare!

Kudos re the Igbo academy!

histreasure said...

very interesting interview and i love a woman who is sure-footed anytime. i beg to differ though on change of name thing being an adaptation of european culture. i know the African culture does not have an equivalent of mrs(tho some languages may have) but i know that once a woman is married she effectively and for all intents and purposes becomes part of her husband's family,taking on the name, priviledges and is even buried in her husband's place in the event of death. So the name change thing is our culture. That being said, people nowadays have realised that in exercise of their right to personal freedom, they can decide how they want to live their lives and what works for them doing away with part of culture and/or which they feel is unnecessary. to me, it is all well.
Thanks, Activist, on an insightful interview...Sugabell, keep doing ur thing and all the best in ur enterprise

Sugabelly said...

@everyone: Thank you!!! *blushes* And thanks for interviewing me!

@histreasure: Actually, Igbo women are always returned to their people when they die to be buried. No Igbo woman is buried with her husband's people.

isha said...

Kudos wrt Dinka. That logo is absolutely priceless. That's what I call innovation. I'm very proud of you.

One the name change thingy, I don't know the details of the inheritance of the European culture, but I don't believe it's that big a deal. Now, if I was someone important and had established myself with my maiden name, and keeping it would help my reputation, no one can force me to change it.

I think in some situations, it's just a kind of excitement, a longing, and a sense of belonging that comes with bearing the name of the man you love. It doesn't mutilate you, or destroy your reputation in any way. You and husband are one person now anyways, so if your child bears the name that you also bear, I don't think it's too bad. I get your point though, it could almost seem like 'so who was their mother?' right? Maybe the kids last name should be hyphenated with yours and hubby's.

Like I said, I don't think it's a huge deal, but name changing shouldn't be forced.

Very interesting interview Sugabelly.

Sugabelly said...

@Temite: Lol@ you making me minister in your presidency. Amen!!!

nneoma said...

Wow, I looooooooved this interview. Sugabelly, we may have a lot to disagree on, but I love your fiery and passionate personality....some comment though (and I hope we can agree to disagree)

I am excited about your new Ndebe project - though my excitement started to wane once I hit the initial post about your disdain for central Igbo. I think a number of people outside of Imo/Abia (such as Achebe) are quick to dismiss it without realizing that it was based on original Igbo dialects (just like I am sure that "Anambra Igbo" borrows from a number of dialects in that area, though is a bit more organic) and that a number of people depend on it today. I left a lengthy comment on that post.

I agree that it is a European tradition to change one's maiden name. However, both you and histreasure are right about burying of wives once they pass on. Some Igbo cultures do send their wives back to their origins and some keep their wives at their husband's places. To claim either one is Igbo would negate the diversity of Igbo customs. To put our finger on something and call it Igbo is very difficult seeing that we are an INCREDIBLY diverse group of people in language, culture and customs.

Again, lovely interview....

nneoma said...

by the way, the link for the tee shirt company did not come up...

Ezinne said...

I would have taken her more seriously if she wasnt so angry and aggressive all the time.

You need to work on your people skills Sugarbelly. You sound like a reasonable human being here so keep it up. Grow up and stop insulting everything. The people you want to reach out to will appreciate it a lot more if you aren't shoving it down their throat like Hitler.

Cool it nd I'll start respecting you

Sugabelly said...

@everyone: So the link is www.thisisdinka.com

The website is still under construction though.

@Nneoma: So I apologize for my apparent disdain of Central Igbo. I honestly forget sometimes that though I think Central Igbo is despicable, it is as you said, based on two very real Igbo dialects. I write the Ndebe blog in Anambra Igbo but it by no means will exclude other dialects of Igbo. Someone on Nairaland asked me about it and I explained that The Igbo Academy was working on a dialect conversion system. It's not ready yet, but I'll soon be putting up posts and lessons in lots of other dialects.

And true about the burial practices. It's very easy to forget that other areas might do things differently. My apologies to histreasure. If it works that way in your place, then it's valid.

@Ezinne: I'm not angry and aggressive all the time. I understand that sometimes people think I am because they happen to only read the posts on which I am angry and aggressive, but certain posts on certain topics don't always make the full picture. I'm loathe to send anyone to go read my blog, but if you have time please do. Suffice to say I'm very in touch with my emotions, whatever emotions they might be.

Sugabelly said...

*The CONCEPT of Central Igbo

FIGE said...

Sugabelly has got it going on! i must say that her guts intrigues me...and when she get all emotional on her blog...hmmm..it gets real nasty.
In a few words... she is a natural nigerian girl who wants best and better for her folks!

Myne Whitman said...

I love the interview Thursdays and Sugabelly is a blogger I admire. I wish her luck in her business. The Igbo ndebe project is especially intruiging. As for the marriage change of name, you go girl!

StandTall-The Activist said...

@ Ezinne: Sugarbelly is sure reasonable and passionate about what she believes in adn with passion, people can take it for anger or aggression. I am up to date with her posts and instead of seeing anger or aggression I see passion that makes her express herself in a way she knows how. And anger and aggression aren't bad when use apprioprately as well.

N.I.M.M.O said...

I also used to wonder how African women came by this idea of taking their husbands' names at marriage but I had always thought it was a religious thing.

Yoruba people did not use to have surnames until the advent of European "civilization". Any name after your given name was largely descriptive.

When a woman marries, there was really no surname to change. She simply moves from beig 'daughter of ...' to being 'wife of ...' and in some cases, the name does not change.

An example is Efunsetan Aniwura, the Iyalode of Ibadan, who was so rich from the gold trade (hence the name 'Aniwura'- owner of gold) that she challenged the men for a right to the throne as Olubadan.

There are several other examples.

LusciousRon said...

Can I say Hooray to Sugabelly? It is not our culture for women to take their husband's name. It is not in the Quran! A woman is to retain her father's name. I am going to keep mine sha!

Also when men say it is the duty of the woman to take care of the house, cook etc, they are forgetting that when this practice was obtained in the olden days, women were homemakers not running around making money to help their husbands!

Doing both at the same time is admirable but plesae stop telling me it is my duty to cook, clean, pick up, bear kids and all the other myriad of things women do in the house and still expect me to go out to make money! Abeg o!

StandTall-The Activist said...

so many objective, logical and commendable comments I read here. Sugarbelly, be back to respond to the rest of the comment.

This post showed up on my facebook and another discussion is going on there...

Geebee said...

Now here's a genius in the house. I've not been to sugabelly's blog or known much about her so far but that's definitely about to change. I'm impressed with women who refuse to be sidelined in the so-called man's world but rather choose to make a difference and an impact on their own. . . however, i don't totally agree with the insistence on keeping maiden names. More on that later sha. S.T, how you dey? keep up the good job, Oprah!

Naughty Eyes said...

I'm not going to comment about the issues Sugabelly raised here but one just can't over look certain undeniable facts like the fact that this interview truly is a masterpiece. Just from reading it, I feel like I've known her all my life.

One thing I like about Sugabelly is the fire and passion with which she clearly delivers her opinion without fear or favour, yet she has the grace to return and retract any errors or bolster her points.

Thanks Standtall for this interview. I'm sold on Sugabelly for L.I.F.E.

StandTall-The Activist said...

@ Geebee: good to have you here, it's one thing to disagree and it's another to say why? So why, care to sheild more light on it?

Sugabelly said...

Hey everyone, thank you for all your great comments. I read a lot of your blogs and I'm totally in love with some of you too!!!

Thanks to everyone that reads my blog (even when I go off on one of my crazy rants) and thanks for being there for me (Sting!!!!!!! ^_^)

If Blogville is a family, I guess I'm your black sheep. :P

archiwiz said...

Good job on the Ndebe project Sugabelly. I see it going very, very far.

Totally agree on the name change thing. In many Nigerian cultures a woman was described based on her family(e.g. daughter of this and wife of that) and if her children became successful, then she was called mother of so-and-so. The idea that a woman HAD to take her husband's name was as a result of colonialism which many Nigerians have refused to recover from. My personal feelings as to whether I will take my husband's name or not will not be based on whether its tradition or culture or religion (because God did NOT say that a woman must take her husband's name), it will probably be based on convenience, and what is easier for me to do or how we agree on it as a couple. Now lets see how much narrower my marrying field can go.

For someone so young you're doing a great job. Life has its ups and downs, and sometimes things can go horribly wrong, as you've already experienced. But the key is 'moving on', not letting go, and growing from those mistakes rather than being crippled by them. Keep it up girl!

TheJunkie said...

I love interview thursdays..don't know why.

And the igbo institute thing...are u srs? that's a really big deal...all the best!

~PakKaramu~ said...

Pak Karamu reading your blog

bonnie said...

wow i admire you sugabelly.
im so with you on that pro-woman status. like i had an argument about it with a sibling the other day after seeing Iron Jawed Angels which by the way is a very good movie about Womens' Rights.
I also am so excited about your new line. I always wanted a hoodie from Barcelagos but could never order one. now i can and I will when you launch Dinka :)

Ijaw said...

As a regular consumer of anything Sugabelly writes or is involved in, this interview did not disappoint! Well done, Sugabelly!

On the subject of surname adoption by women, that is European culture, period! Matrilineal systems were the norm where I come from, not the patrilineal systems of the European or the followers of the Abrahamic religions (Judaism, Christianity and Islam). The relegation of women to the background in almost all human activity is foreign to my people and to many of the tribes of Africa.

Unfortunately, since we were forced to adopt 19th century European and 14th century Arab moral and cultural systems when we were colonized(the struggle against this cultural colonization is hardly ever talked about, we did not accept this crap without a fight!), the "MODERN" African(Nigerians really tick me off in this regard!) makes stupid statements such as "It's not African culture" when talking about women's rights and personal freedoms when we ACTUALLY mean it's not 19th century EUROPEAN OR 14th century ARAB culture!

The sad thing is that the European has moved on from such backward behaviour and we are still enforcing it on our people. Pity isn't it?

StandTall-The Activist said...

@ Bonnie: Is the Iron Jawed Angels a forein film? I am asking so I can try and get one.


@ Ijaw: you struck a cord there. I am surprised at people when they say it's not in our culture for women to do things that are progressive and that are their rights. I wonder where this idea came from

StandTall-The Activist said...

@ Bonnie: Is the Iron Jawed Angels a forein film? I am asking so I can try and get one.


@ Ijaw: you struck a cord there. I am surprised at people when they say it's not in our culture for women to do things that are progressive and that are their rights. I wonder where this idea came from

StandTall-The Activist said...

@ Bonnie: Is the Iron Jawed Angels a forein film? I am asking so I can try and get one.


@ Ijaw: you struck a cord there. I am surprised at people when they say it's not in our culture for women to do things that are progressive and that are their rights. I wonder where this idea came from

Anonymous said...

It is sad when the interviewer decides to be the defender of the interviewee. It is imperative that you allow people to air their opinion on her views without YOU becoming the defender of the universe. I understand that both you and sugabelly are in the the same feminist movemement. you might as well marry each other.

nneoma said...

I think Anonymius should be a synonym for "coward..."

Anonymous said...

@ nneoma, i agree with you a million percent. :)

StandTall-The Activist said...

@ Anonymous: what seems to be the bone of contention? Did anyone ask you not to state your opinion. Yes, we are both feminists and I don't know if you have a problem with that. I am married and I am using the surname I have being using since I was born if that is what you will like to know. And when Sugarbelly decides to get married, she will do likewise.

Also, there is nothing wrong with marrying each other. Haven't you heard of lesbian partners? This has nothing to do with feminism but if that is our sexual orientation, we won't need your approval.

BTW, you are too quick to agree with Nneoma, r you trully a coward? i found that amusing.

Anonymous said...

I am very happy for you that you kept your maiden name . If that is your feminist agenda, more grease to your very feminine elbows - altho i fail to understand why you kept your maiden name at all... just be YOU!

you need to read your response to Ezinne's comment to understand the bone of contention. I personally agree with her and i doubt if it is ur place as the interviewer to try and counter her opinion/observation.

Well if Nneomi want anonymous to be synonymous to coward, then who am i to disagree. That she thinks i am akin to a coward 'cos my comment is anonymous is an opinion i cannot begin to disprove.

I never said there was anything wrong with lesbian marriages. It is my observation that you are in AWE of sugabellly's 'intellect' and you both share the same hardlined 'feminist' views, hence the reason for my suggestion that you both get married. But be warned in all her hardcore exterior, that girl's got some serious issues a la almost taking her life because of a man (how ironic) - just don't get too close or she'll burden you like wise with her emotional drama/trauma.

For now i can see your husband need not panick as you will be stuck permanently to his side renouncing all this feminist bullshit when push comes to shove ;).

To be honest, i wonder why the likes of you bother to get married, it goes against everything that feminism represents. Just be an individual in love with another individual without recognition from the state. it is more empowering.
ps: i would really love to see your marriage certificate or your passport as evidence that you bear your own name, and please what is the reason behind you keeping your name? is it some kind of statement? I never thought it a good or bad thing and i wonder why it is such a thing of pride for you guys. I see it as a personal choice.

Sugabelly said...

@Anonymous: Feminism does not preclude marriage. And while it is true that everyone is entitled to their own opinion if Standtall is in support of my position on name change then she also has the right to defend her position on it (which incidentally is also my position) since this is her blog.

Also, you talk as if you know me and you claim things about me very loosely.

I'm sure you can see why most people think Anonymous is synonymous to Coward.

If you know me so well that you have come here to someone else's blog to spout details about my personal life then why don't you put your name (and not a screenname, your REAL name) to your comments?

Because you're too cowardly to be held responsible for the things you have said.

Anonymous said...

@ sugabelly, i will suggest you scroll up to my comments above where i agreed with nneoma a million percent. I really have no qualms being tagged a coward.

I will rather that(a coward)than, be one who spews out bold statements that sound 'great' but are completely inconsistent with how they conduct themselves.

your blog reveals a lot about you, i need not know you personally to be able to talk about your personal life.
I am certain there isn't any FIRE in your belly as you would have us think, it is as SUGARY as your name depicts - sugabelly (sweet) :)

StandTall-The Activist said...

@ Anonymous: all I can do is laugh. I am sorry if you seemed bothered by my life style or Sugarbelly's for that matter. Thanks for an interesting comment. Perhaps if you understand the purpose of my blog or Sugarbelly's you will safe yourself a lot of headache to bother reading if we seem to disturb you so much.

You can get a space yourself and say all you want about what you dont agree with. That will be fine.

This space still remains for people that are ready to be logical, to respect people for their opinion, to respect people for the change they wish to see in the world. It is also a space for people who are open minded and dare to challenge status quo.

Yes, I am in awe of Sugarbelly intelligence and will always be, in fact your hating her makes the feeling goes stronger.

This is my space, this is my blog and I have a purpose for starting interview Thursday and I will always respond to the comments and most times in affirmative with the people I interview because I seek out for people that are not still living in the dark age!

Lastly, I must thank you for making me get up to 40 comments on my blog, it's being a while since that happen. And for letting the comment occur during Sugarbelly's Interview because I now believe more than ever that she is a change maker, she will go place and I hope you will get yourself a life too and not waste it on hating progressive minded people.


Pls if you are looking for a fight, you wont get that on my blog as I will gladly delete your subsquent comment if it does not have any iota of respect in it. Pls be warned. And again this is my space, get yours!

poeticallytinted said...

LOL. @ the whole anonymous thing. silly indeed. anywayz, i missed a great interview cos i was on a min hiatus. I don't believe in taking on any one's name husband, father, mother whoever, actually I'd rather just be addressed by my first name only.

Newayz, Sugabelly is brilliant and consistent. Can't say that much for most people. I love her blog. I like the way she expresses her opinions. If you don't like it then don't read it.

Anonymous said...

@ standtall, all i'll say to you is that you should please visit your friend's blog. She needs you more than ever. I think the one who bears her husband's name is in a better position than sugabelly right now.

I wasn't lying when i said she had issues. She is playing it out on her blog and honestly, my heart goes out to her. What a waste of 'feminine' emotions. Please her fellow 'feminist' go help out.

TELL NO EVIL said...

Good Interview Sugabelly! @Anonymous do we detect some sour grapes? who doesnt have issues? dont you? you sound as if you have many,the most famous people in history had so many issues, many died raving mad and commited suicide but their greatness still lives on centuries after their death. my dear anonymous person have you forgotten that Romeo and Juliet died for love? Iv wanted to die for love myself and im sure many others too, we are in good company if so, what better reason to die ? Many songs and poems have been written about it so whats to be ashamed about? LOL! Pls get a life or better still "EAT DA POO POO" LONG LIVE DEATH FOR LOVE! LONG LIVE SUGABELLY!! YOU GO GIRL!!! Anonymous - EAT DA POO POO!! (Its like ICE CREAM)LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!THATS ALL SHE WROTE!

My Passion, my focus, the change that I want to see in the world - is my propellent factor.

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