Saturday, April 26, 2008


Olatokunbo was a Nigerian movie I once watched. It was a story of a married woman who got the opportunity to study abroad and improve her career. She already had a kid for the husband and as at the point of her progress her husband just lost his job. He was now a stay at home dad. The wife even tried given him vacancy tips and he felt so big for the jobs the wife got.
The opportunity to study abroad came from her work place. Her husband disapproved and would not agree to her going for the study. Some family members came to sort out this case and a lot of them opposed to her trip abroad. She suggested her husband goes with her but he refused saying he can’t be sweeping for anybody abroad.
Anyway, she went abroad, behaved well but ran into trouble where she stayed. The lady she stayed with told a bad story about her to the husband after chasing her out. She called her husband to explain what actually happened but he refused to see her point. He got married to someone else before her 2 yrs of study was up. And when the wife came back he just turned his back on her and forbade their only child from going to the mother.
Please tell me:
  • Will anybody have raised an eyebrow if it was the man that got the opportunity?
  • Would the husband refuse to go abroad if the wife says no?
  • Does the wife even have anything to say in this matter?
  • Would she have remarried without a divorce in the first place before the husband gets back?
  • Does marriage mean end of achievement for women?
What is your take?


LG said...

My answers to all the questions is NO, but i can only imagine this scenario in Africa

*cyber hugs and kisses for dropping by*

The Activist said...

You are welcome LG.

Anonymous said...

Too sad this is a reality that is still happening in today's day and age.

The Activist said...

Yes dear Abbie. It was even more sad that the movie industry is portaying the story in away that makes the woman be at a lose end. They can write a story that will promote women advancement not the other way round

Kemmie said...

Dear Activist, you tell a true story that has shadowed our African Culture for centuries. I have to say that not all situations are like this. Some (very few) men are understanding and genuinely what the career progression of their wives. It is difficult but women should continue to stand up for themselves. I work closely with pre-teens especially girls and what I teach them (apart from the Word) is to know their worth and aim high. Hopefully, we are breeding a generation of women that will be seen as true helpers for their husbands by bringing something to the table (Proverbs 31woman) and not women that will have their dreams suppressed and their lives oppressed. Thanks for stopping by. We have a whole lot in common: Phil Collins, Tracy Chapman, Alicia Keys and our love for cats. Rock on!

The Activist said...

Hmmmmmmmmm, Dear Kemmie, I am deeply touched. How is working with pre-teens?

Jay said...

It really annoys me that this is still going is unjust

If it was the man, everything would have been ok (shaking head)

Dojaa said...

Firstly I see that there was probably a silent problem before the issue of travelling ever came up, a couple who really care for one another will always encourage progress in each other wether in africa or elsewhere.

There is a trend in Nigeria which worries me seriously and it is how parents use children to 'punish' a parent(mother or father) they have fallen out with and how such parents fail to seek legal action to see their children...very sad.

The Activist said...

Doja, remember I watched the movie. No problem between the couple before the progress came. I think is just the way of some cultrual belief that once you are married... your husband is alpha and omega.

A lot of people in Nigeria will rather not seek legal action but would rather leave everything to God

Jarrai, thanks for stopping by

Flourishing Florida said...

first of all, u have 2 understand dat dis is a nigerian movie - they paint d worst possible picture. den real life, it really depends on d couple - but generally d answer 2 all will b NO.

but den, a neighbour of mine, a lady nurse travelled 2 d UK. she had a child, a girl. d girl was like 3 years old wen she left. her husband was working with progress bank, but wen d bank had an issue & layed off their staff, d man turned into a kabukabu driver. 4 years after d lady went, she sent her pple 2 inform d man dat 'she no marry again o'. i hear she's remarried. na wot will u say 2 dat?

The Activist said...

Free-flowing Florida, thanks for stopping by. Hope she divorced her husband properly before she remarried? I mean the lady nurse?

I dont encourage things like this but people gat to make their choices. What I can stand though is giving people especially women no choice at all.

I have an older Nephew that I no longer like. He is a nurse, he travelled out, left his wife and child. The lady had lost 3 kids before. She stayed back and prayed for her husband and she even became a slave to the family.
What happened? My nephew left her and took away their only child. He married someone else abroad. He gave anyone that cares to listen useless excuses for leaving his first wife!!!

Afrobabe said...

On this...I met a beautiful lady in Nigeria who lives at VGC...
They had their own property and the woman’s firm (oil) gave her a massive house still in VGC, the man’s business was not doing well anymore and he could barely feed the family but no one knew as they lived in a massive house and drove massive cars plus wifey had a plum job, she asked him to rent out their own property so they could move into the empty property from the company...

His answer???

Over his dead body would his wife house him!!!

Bubblegum Thug said...

I pray to God everyday that he will see my heart, and not stick me with an inconsiderate jerk. Some human beings assume and take too much for granted. they are just simply inconsiderate. I believe strength is in realistic resilience, not display of Alpha male qualities.

Unbiased said...

Pride is one of the worst things that plaque the male gender.
Honestly it is at the root of every stupid thing they ever do.
Inside he could be dying from his actions but he would rather stay on the side of wrong that give up his pride.
Too sad.

My Passion, my focus, the change that I want to see in the world - is my propellent factor.

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