Thursday, August 27, 2009

Interview Thursday: " ...being in relationship is NOT a license to happiness" Tigeress

Her blog name says it all, she has got the qualities of her name and my meeting her in Chicago was not a disappointment. I love this lady! She is charismatic, intelligent, she is purposeful and she is our dearest Tigeress! Good to have you on Interview Thursday girl...

Let me start by saying a wonderful belated birthday to you. How does it feel to be a year older?
Thank you very much! :) How do I feel? I feel the same. I guess time will tell if I’ve matured or not- I hope I have. But I feel the same way I felt 3months ago.

Do you care to share with us the journey of your life so far, has it being what you dreamt of?
It sooooo hasn’t been what I dreamt of. But at the same time I can’t complain how things are- my life actually isn’t that bad. Don’t get me wrong I’ve been thru challenges I know for a fact 99% of my fellow bloggers haven’t gone thru and I pray they don’t- but that’s in the past. I just have to thank God for where I am- because it is only by His grace.
My Journey, I was born in Ibadan August 21st 1979. I spent most of my adolecent life in Nigeria (Ibadan) and I wont lie thanks to my mum I had one of the best adolescent lives ever!!! Post primary school- I went to a total of 5 secondary schools. Boarding school in Eastbourne, 2 in Mississippi, and 2 in Ibadan. I left Naija 1995- spent 9 years in London where I got my 1st degree and now I’ve been in the US for 5 years- with an MBA bagged.
One of the greatest challenges I faced growing up is being raised by a single parent- my mum. So sometimes i really don’t get it when people rush into marriage or marry for the wrong reasons only to face the high possibility of divorce in the future. It’s beyond me. As I tell people, its better to marry late and well, than marry early and divorce. Growing up in a broken home is no fun at all and I’m sure dysfunctional home will be much worse.

From now onward, what should we expect from our dear Tigeress?
Not much of a difference really. At least not until my situation changes. Still the same old me. Hopefully as each day passes I’ll become a better person.

I was delighted to see your pretty intelligent self in Chicago, how long have to being away from Nigeria?
Lol at intelligent. I've been away for 14 years. In fact last year was my first time back to Naija since I left. Culture shock was definitely what I experienced- especially in the marriage institutions. It was as if I was in Ghomora. But I enjoyed myself in Naija and am open to moving back if I find the right job opportunity.

As a Nigeria in the diaspora, do you face any challenges or discriminations because you are from Nigeria?
Well that’s a grey area. I don’t face direct discrimination but as a black person in America- u feel it. You see it. You hear it. So when I meet Nigerians who insist on dying here- I can’t comprehend. At least in Nigeria you’re not discriminated against because of the colour of your skin- it’s mostly based on your status financially. Being discriminated against because of your skin colour is not a good feeling at all. I once had someone refuse to show me an apartment because I was black. Being labeled negatively because I’m black isn’t a good feeling. Being put in a small box with no expectations because of the colour of my skin- DOES NOT feel good. Being asked why I don’t have a normal name or constantly reminded that I have an accent or being asked if we have cars in Nigeria or being told I speak good English can be rather irking. So being black and being African are two subtle challenges I face.

What can we do as Nigerians to have a better image?
To have a better image- we need to start within ourselves. I think one of our biggest problems as Nigerians is the lack of fear of God. If we all individually stopped being selfish and not let the love of money consume us- I think we might have less people selling/killing/duping/walking over fellow humans in name of riches. If people can stop thinking of only their mouths and actually desire a growth in Nigeria, desire a better Nigeria- Nigeria will be a better place. But right now, Nigerians are all about me, myself, and I. And they will do it at all cost not caring who they destroy on the way up.

Will you ever come back and settle in Nigeria?
Yeolz!! There is no place like home. No matter how blue my passport gets- I’m never gonna be one of them. Feeling like a 3rd class citizen because of the colour of my skin doesn’t give me an ego boost. In Naija you are discriminated against if you're poor. And I have no intension of moving back to Naija and becoming poor. Worst comes to worst- aristo dey dere. LOL!!! But yeah, I hope I’ll move back one day. When? I do not know. All I know is that I don’t want to die here.

What kind of man tickles your fancy?
oooohhh my favourite topic due to the lack of one. lwkm! We cld be here forever o. What type of man tickles my fancy? emmmm......personality wise- I'd like someone chilled, stress free, drama free, mature, and that even though I'm a woman- he'd acknowledge that I do have sense, I do have an opinion, I am human, i do get tired, I have feelings, I hurt, I'm not a super woman. I want someone who truly cares about my well being and will take care of me, feed me spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically etc.

I will like to ask a question on one of your blog posts, can one trully be single and happy? Do you think being in relationship is a licence to happiness?
Actually that's Vera's topic/talkshow topic- before she thinks I’m 'tiefing' from her. It depends, if marriage is what defines you- then I guess as long as you are single you wont be happy? I know of girls that do not have the ability to be alone- hence jump from one relationship to another- man worshippers I call them. Girls who stay in a very bad relationship- after all something is better than nothing. But for me I LOVE myself. I truly believe I deserve something good. For me- marriage does not define me so me i'm happy or should I say I’m fine with my single status. I sense it’s more of an issue with others. Others who married on time (according to their schedule). Others who feel without a man- you are a nobody. Others who feel it's my fault that I’m still single. They seem have a lot more to say about my status. As mentioned in a blog- my lack of husband isn’t what keeps me up at night. As a Christian I've learnt that God is and should be number one in our lives- never make a man priority in your life. Our God is a jealous God. When we put something before Him we become idolators. There are a lot more unhappy married folks than unhappy single folks. I guess the question then is- which is better? I prefer being single and miserable (if at all) than be married and miserable. And as I always say- norrin do me and this may come as a shock to some- but I shall walk down that aisle one day- isha allah! Lol. So being in relationship is NOT a license to happiness. Being in a good & Godly relationship is only one of the many many MANY things that will make one happy in one’s life time.

What word of wisdom will birthday girl share with us?
Consult God in every areas of your life- make Him number in your life. Seek God first and all other things shall be added. Do unto others as u'd like them to do unto you. Be forgiving so that God will forgive you. And those of you who are still hoping to meet your partner- remember delay is not denial. If it’s your heart desire to marry- it’ll happen. Please do not let pressure make you choose wrongly. If you rush in, you’ll rush out or just be miserable married. Marriage is meant to be for a life time and it’s to be enjoyed. The time spent waiting should be time spent assessing yourselves and working on being a better person. No one is perfect so work on all the negative things about yourself- be it your temper, anger, unforgiving spirit, lack of patience, selfishness, stubbornness, lukewarmness, prayer-less life, pride, uncontrollable tongue, greed, fornication etc.


Jennifer A. said...

Heyyyy Standtall...the lines for the free conversation are open now...and three of us plan to be there at least, but we're waiting for others who have actual questions about the bible before we begin.

The lines will be open until 12 noon EST (U.S. time). :)

Rita said...

I have always admired Tigress but this interview makes me respect her the more. Tigress, you have great values and God is going to continue using you for great things.

Standtall, longest time and well done again and again.

Rebirth said...

See why I'm always proud to call Tigeress my big sister?
Great interview and ur right, we should always put God first

Good Naija Girl said...

This was a really great interview, ST. Tigeress seems to know herself and know what she wants from this is my sincere prayer that she gets it.

Anonymous said...


"To have a better image- we need to start within ourselves." very well said but, i shall say; the road is long.

Hmmm, yeah.....knowing how Nigerians are very much 'church' (oops, spiritually) minded, need i say i was shocked one day i heard a pastor pray thus;
"...i shall come to dedicate your office in U.S and London...."

Wow!!! ...and i thot to myself, why should he equate 'success' to having offices in U.S and London? That is my fear...for how can 'Nigerians' begin to understand that the success of a Nation (and individuals) begins (& can only flourish) within themselves, when they are indirectly being told that till they 'outside' their success is yet to be 'fully' complete?

Be that as it is, there is only one way for Nigeria......FORWARD.

Anonymous said...

*when they are indirectly being told that till they are 'outside' their success is yet to be 'fully' complete?*

Sassy Trends said...

Waoh...luvn this oooo...hmnnn!!!

Myne said...

Great questions and replies. You're one composed babe sha, nice..

BSNC said...

i wasn't suprised, i knew it would be a great interview. Tigeress you are one of a kind..

aloted said...

lovely interview!!! enjoyed reading

i also grew up in ibadan...omo ibadan ki ni show?? lol

Writefreak said...

Great interview as usual.

I admire Tigeress' decision to eventually come back home...

Buttercup said...

I loved it. Tigeress is such a strong woman I really admire. Hi Standtall!

TRYBES said...

Great insights..ride on sis..Your loved and admired..

histreasure said...

Great Interview..
Girl, keep ur head up and continue to stick to your values,it's wat makes one great..
..And, Standtall, thanks for the good wishes..i appreciate

Kookie said...

Everything she says rings true right? Thats why she's Tigeress. Great interview that highlights a lot about someone we know little about. Thanks

bumight said...

yup! u have the real tigeress - sounds like her!

Flourishing Florida said...

wow. Ms. Tigeress, nice interview! U've lived in obodo oyibo for long oh. no wonder d culture shock wen u visited naija. congrats all ur all successes. God is with u!

P.S: ok, u know am going to call u out on dat statement dat there r more unhappy married pple than unhappy single pple! madam, no who tell u dat one? u do d census? esp since a good number of d unhappy married pple weren't even happy single pple b4 they married. there seems to be a general misconception that it's marriage that makes pple happy (or unhappy, depending on who is arguing the subject). that is as far from the truth as anything can be.

LusciousRon said...

I love Tigress! Wow she is such a role model. I think she should give speecehs to young girls.

Vera Ezimora said...

Ehm.... Standtall... I am vexing ooo! I remember when you interviewed me. I don't remember this many people professing love for me and saying I should give speeches to young chics oo. I demand a re-interview!!!!!

Tigeress... lol @ tiefing my stuff. If no be say I happen to love you too ehn...!! And don't forget that next year, I will break the record and call @ midnight. Walahi!!! No be lie oo!!

And lemme just say.... nne, norrin do you!!!!!!! I have seen you, and you are one heck of a fine babe - both inside and out. Some day, I hope I'll be able to come visit you. But you have to take me out to lunch too oo!!

Yes, I'm still vexing that you took Bumight out.

Tigeress said...

Standtall- thank you o. I wasn't too sure of my answers but looks like there were not too bad.

I know this isnt my blog but i feel I have to respond to the comments- LOL!!!

Rita- great values? waow- that means a lot to me. Thank you. :) And AMEN o!

Funms- the best sister i never had. thanks my dear.

GNG- thanks for the wishes- i really appreciate. xxxxx

Rethots- yup we have a loooooong way to go. As for Naija Churches- i think our people can overplay it.

SassyT & MyneW- thanks :)

BSNC- aaawww how sweet. Ose.

Aloted- yeolz o, y sall i sy? lol

Burracup- me? strong? :) I need to be. thanks me dear. xxxx

Writefreak- i'm actually looking forward to that time.

Thanks Trybes- u're so sweet.

Histreasure- thank u for the good words.

lol@ Kookie. Muchos gracias my dear sis.

aaaaaawwww@bumight- thats a compliment right? lol! Thank u me dear!

FFF- thats fine. We both see different things. Based my conclusion on what i see around me and what i hear.

LusciousRon- thanks for the love. Give speeches ke? lol!! thats a big compliment there. Vera dont hate sweetie, dont hate! lol!!

Vera- Come and visit me? Woo-hoo! that will be so nice. Don't worry not only will i take u out for a nice meal- we'll paint the town 'blue' together.

Nefertiti said...

I congratulate you on all your successes and trials. They are what shaped you into the 'tigeress' we all love.

I have to agree with you that being in a relationship definitely isn't the key to happiness. Infact, if one is already unhappy, nothing anyone does will make that better. However, this certainly does not mean that there are many more happily single people than married folks. I think the key lies within who you are as a person before entering into any relationship or marriage. Marriage in itself or the lack of it, is not what makes people unhappy. Not that you said so ;)

great interview, standy.

The Activist said...

@ Tigress: Na your space o my lady, so feel free to dominate it! You took Bunmite out? Well, you owe me a lunch too when next we see.........

Waoh, Tigress is one popular babe, see new bloggers and run away bloggers for my blog! I shall do this again!

Thanks all for appreciating my interview effort, be prepared, you might be next!


wow, it was very nice reading this and learning more about Tigeress. I definitely agree with many of her points and as a Christian, I couldn't help but nod when she noted that we seek God in all we do.


*Diane* said...

Great interview Standtall and Tigeress!

Tigeress is def one of my fave bloggers out there, so kudos on the interview!


Olufunke said...

Enjoyed reading this
Thumbs up...Tigress
I admire your frankness, and boldness....and the fact that you are not afraid to explore new avenues.
nice interview stand-tall

My Passion, my focus, the change that I want to see in the world - is my propellent factor.

Label Cloud

Gender (72) Feminism (46) Interview Thursday (46) Gender Equality (38) Gender and Development (29) Cat lover (24) Poem (24) Cat Tuesday (22) Women's Human Rights (19) Cats World (16) 16 Days of Activism (11) Africa (11) Violence Against Women (8) Information Sharing (7) Music (7) Nigeria Development (7) Women and Leadership (7) Children Rights (6) Exprience (6) Leadership (6) Rest in Peace (6) Change and Development (5) Corruption (5) Day to Day Exprience (5) Events (5) Governance (5) MDGs (5) Peace and Security Fellowship for African Women (5) Relationship (5) Security and Development (5) Women (5) Call for Application (4) Change Maker (4) Dairy (4) Mistake (4) Navy abuse of Uzoma Okere (4) Nigeria in Focus (4) Relationship and Marriage (4) The Feminist Cats (4) BlogHer (3) Chicago July Trip (3) Children (3) Discrimination Against Women (3) Domestic Violence (3) Injustice (3) King;s College Fellowship (3) Lessons (3) Niger Delta Crisis (3) Online Community (3) Religion Matters (3) Travelling (3) Wedding (3) Women Activists (3) Women Empowerment (3) Women in Governance (3) Youth (3) democracy in Nigeria (3) 2009 Edition (2) A girl-Soldier (2) Activism (2) Annivesary (2) BlogHer Conference Scholarship (2) Bloggers for life (2) Democracy and its Struggle (2) Female writers (2) Forced Marriage (2) IAC09 (2) ICT4D (2) International Wome's Rights Day 2008 (2) Journey to London (2) LGBTI (2) Lack of respect for other people's perspectives. (2) Life from Cape Town in South Africa (2) Lovely Cats (2) Male Child Preference (2) Male Child and Domestic Chores (2) Memories (2) My Boss (2) My life in London (2) Nigerian Youth and Development (2) Nigerianstalk (2) No to VAW (2) Rape (2) Sexual Violence and GBV (2) Taking Peace and Security (2) Technology Camp for Girls (2) The Admired Female Bloggers (2) The Changemakers (2) The Future of Nigerian children (2) The Late Kudirat Abiola's Remembrance (2) The Martyr of Democracy (2) The girl child and her chanllenges (2) Untimely death (2) Uzoma Okere court hearing (2) V-Monologues (2) Violation of Human Rights (2) Women making a difference (2) 10 years remembrance for the O.A.U 5. (1) 1in 9 Campaign (1) 2010 self-surfacing resolutions (1) A Ride with my Father (1) A just world with God (1) ALF Program (1) AWID Forum 2008 (1) Activism Scholarship (1) Adaeze Experience (1) African Sexualities (1) Aspiring Filmmaker (1) Bad Leaders (1) Beating by a mad man (1) Becoming my Cats (1) CSDG (1) Career (1) Child Marriage (1) Children without education (1) Children without future (1) Climate Change (1) Conflicts (1) Corrpution and Hooliganism (1) Court System (1) DLTW for Young Female Doctors (1) Democracy Day (1) Divorce and Marriage (1) Dupe In Kenya (1) ECOSAP (1) Evangelist Taye Ajiboye (1) Extreme poverty (1) Female Circumcision (1) Female Film-Makers (1) Girls in Technology (1) Global Warming (1) Government (1) Hafsat Abiola and KIND (1) Human Behaviour and attitudes (1) I didn't do it for you by Michela Wrong (1) ICT and Women (1) Images from Mali (1) Incest (1) Indecent Dressing Bill (1) Info -Activism (1) Internattional Bloggers Community Award (1) Job Search (1) Journey across Africa (1) June 8 and Abacha’s death (1) Kenya July Trip (1) Knowing our continent (1) Lagos State Government (1) MOBILIZATION (1) Mali (1) Marriage (1) Michela Wrong book on Eritrea (1) Mother 6th Remembrance (1) Movement Building. AWID Forum 2008 (1) My first post from London (1) My health (1) NDQ Interview (1) Naija Blogger Awards 2009 (1) Natural Hair (1) Negative quotation on women (1) Newspaper review (1) Nigeria Media (1) Nigerian Sporting Activities (1) Nigerians and Abacha’s death (1) No light (1) No to FGM (1) Obama Prank (1) Outsanding Ore (1) PHCN and Nigeria Government (1) Passing though Ghana (1) Passing through Burkina Security and Development (1) Pastor Kehinde Ajiboye (1) Peace and Secuirty issues in the Horn (1) Police Force (1) Polygamist (1) Pregnancy and child bearing in marriage (1) Punishment of an elderly woman in Saudi (1) Rape Victim (1) Road and Bus Evangelism (1) Road trip to Mali (1) SOLIDARITY WTH WOMEN WHO SPEAK OUT (1) Self Defence for Women (1) Senseless killing by armed robbers (1) Serious Issues (1) Standtall Adevnture (1) Suicide bombing (1) Summit (1) Tactical Tech (1) Take Back the Tech (1) Tell Magazine (1) Terrorist Attack (1) The Uncoventional Clergy woman (1) The Bauchi Killings (1) The EU Summit Report (1) The Eritrea history (1) The July 10 Martyr (1) The Liberian Women peace building effort (1) The O.A.U 5 (1) The PM Tabloid (1) The danger of a single story (1) The late social Crusader (1) The meeting with London Bloggers (1) The rescued kitten (1) This Violence must stop (1) Tips to having a Happy Relationship (1) Traditional Role (1) Transforming Nigeria (1) Travelling through Africa by Road (1) Tribute to Chief Gani Fawehinmi (1) Tyranny (1) Umar Mutallab (1) Understanding Security (1) Uzoma's Justice (1) Verastically Vera (1) WORLD AIDS DAY (1) We need peace in our land (1) Women E-Campaigners` Training (1) Women In Technology. ICT4D (1) Wrong Culture and Belief (1) Yar'adua (1) Youth as agents of Change (1) meeting US bloggers (1) my love (1)