Interview Thursday: " ...being in relationship is NOT a license to happiness" Tigeress

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Her blog name says it all, she has got the qualities of her name and my meeting her in Chicago was not a disappointment. I love this lady! She is charismatic, intelligent, she is purposeful and she is our dearest Tigeress! Good to have you on Interview Thursday girl...

Let me start by saying a wonderful belated birthday to you. How does it feel to be a year older?

Thank you very much! :) How do I feel? I feel the same. I guess time will tell if I’ve matured or not- I hope I have. But I feel the same way I felt 3months ago.

Do you care to share with us the journey of your life so far, has it being what you dreamt of?

It sooooo hasn’t been what I dreamt of. But at the same time I can’t complain how things are- my life actually isn’t that bad. Don’t get me wrong I’ve been thru challenges I know for a fact 99% of my fellow bloggers haven’t gone thru and I pray they don’t- but that’s in the past. I just have to thank God for where I am- because it is only by His grace.

My Journey, I was born in Ibadan August 21st 1979. I spent most of my adolecent life in Nigeria (Ibadan) and I wont lie thanks to my mum I had one of the best adolescent lives ever!!! Post primary school- I went to a total of 5 secondary schools. Boarding school in Eastbourne, 2 in Mississippi, and 2 in Ibadan. I left Naija 1995- spent 9 years in London where I got my 1^st degree and now I’ve been in the US for 5 years- with an MBA bagged.

One of the greatest challenges I faced growing up is being raised by a single parent- my mum. So sometimes i really don’t get it when people rush into marriage or marry for the wrong reasons only to face the high possibility of divorce in the future. It’s beyond me. As I tell people, its better to marry late and well, than marry early and divorce. Growing up in a broken home is no fun at all and I’m sure dysfunctional home will be much worse.

From now onward, what should we expect from our dear Tigeress?

Not much of a difference really. At least not until my situation changes. Still the same old me. Hopefully as each day passes I’ll become a better person.

I was delighted to see your pretty intelligent self in Chicago, how long have to being away from Nigeria?

Lol at intelligent. I've been away for 14 years. In fact last year was my first time back to Naija since I left. Culture shock was definitely what I experienced- especially in the marriage institutions. It was as if I was in Ghomora. But I enjoyed myself in Naija and am open to moving back if I find the right job opportunity.

As a Nigeria in the diaspora, do you face any challenges or discriminations because you are from Nigeria?

Well that’s a grey area. I don’t face direct discrimination but as a black person in America- u feel it. You see it. You hear it. So when I meet Nigerians who insist on dying here- I can’t comprehend. At least in Nigeria you’re not discriminated against because of the colour of your skin- it’s mostly based on your status financially. Being discriminated against because of your skin colour is not a good feeling at all. I once had someone refuse to show me an apartment because I was black. Being labeled negatively because I’m black isn’t a good feeling. Being put in a small box with no expectations because of the colour of my skin- DOES NOT feel good. Being asked why I don’t have a normal name or constantly reminded that I have an accent or being asked if we have cars in Nigeria or being told I speak good English can be rather irking. So being black and being African are two subtle challenges I face.

What can we do as Nigerians to have a better image?

To have a better image- we need to start within ourselves. I think one of our biggest problems as Nigerians is the lack of fear of God. If we all individually stopped being selfish and not let the love of money consume us- I think we might have less people selling/killing/duping/walking over fellow humans in name of riches. If people can stop thinking of only their mouths and actually desire a growth in Nigeria, desire a better Nigeria- Nigeria will be a better place. But right now, Nigerians are all about me, myself, and I. And they will do it at all cost not caring who they destroy on the way up.

Will you ever come back and settle in Nigeria?

Yeolz!! There is no place like home. No matter how blue my passport gets- I’m never gonna be one of them. Feeling like a 3rd class citizen because of the colour of my skin doesn’t give me an ego boost. In Naija you are discriminated against if you're poor. And I have no intension of moving back to Naija and becoming poor. Worst comes to worst- aristo dey dere. LOL!!! But yeah, I hope I’ll move back one day. When? I do not know. All I know is that I don’t want to die here.

What kind of man tickles your fancy?

oooohhh my favourite topic due to the lack of one. lwkm! We cld be here forever o. What type of man tickles my fancy? emmmm......personality wise- I'd like someone chilled, stress free, drama free, mature, and that even though I'm a woman- he'd acknowledge that I do have sense, I do have an opinion, I am human, i do get tired, I have feelings, I hurt, I'm not a super woman. I want someone who truly cares about my well being and will take care of me, feed me spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically etc.

I will like to ask a question on one of your blog posts, can one trully be single and happy? Do you think being in relationship is a licence to happiness?

Actually that's Vera's topic/talkshow topic- before she thinks I’m 'tiefing' from her. It depends, if marriage is what defines you- then I guess as long as you are single you wont be happy? I know of girls that do not have the ability to be alone- hence jump from one relationship to another- man worshippers I call them. Girls who stay in a very bad relationship- after all something is better than nothing. But for me I LOVE myself. I truly believe I deserve something good. For me- marriage does not define me so me i'm happy or should I say I’m fine with my single status. I sense it’s more of an issue with others. Others who married on time (according to their schedule). Others who feel without a man- you are a nobody. Others who feel it's my fault that I’m still single. They seem have a lot more to say about my status. As mentioned in a blog- my lack of husband isn’t what keeps me up at night. As a Christian I've learnt that God is and should be number one in our lives- never make a man priority in your life. Our God is a jealous God. When we put something before Him we become idolators. There are a lot more unhappy married folks than unhappy single folks. I guess the question then is- which is better? I prefer being single and miserable (if at all) than be married and miserable. And as I always say- norrin do me and this may come as a shock to some- but I shall walk down that aisle one day- isha allah! Lol. So being in relationship is NOT a license to happiness. Being in a good & Godly relationship is only one of the many many MANY things that will make one happy in one’s life time.

What word of wisdom will birthday girl share with us?

Consult God in every areas of your life- make Him number in your life. Seek God first and all other things shall be added. Do unto others as u'd like them to do unto you. Be forgiving so that God will forgive you. And those of you who are still hoping to meet your partner- remember delay is not denial. If it’s your heart desire to marry- it’ll happen. Please do not let pressure make you choose wrongly. If you rush in, you’ll rush out or just be miserable married. Marriage is meant to be for a life time and it’s to be enjoyed. The time spent waiting should be time spent assessing yourselves and working on being a better person. No one is perfect so work on all the negative things about yourself- be it your temper, anger, unforgiving spirit, lack of patience, selfishness, stubbornness, lukewarmness, prayer-less life, pride, uncontrollable tongue, greed, fornication etc.